Interview: Mattie Tux Horton
“I am a transgender woman. I was born and raised in Zimbabwe, a country where homosexuality is considered a criminal act and negative attitudes towards transgender persons predominate. While living in Zimbabwe, I was socially isolated because of my gender identity. “
Mattie Tux Horton is a Zimbabwean trans woman from Bulawayo. I recently sat down with Mattie and listened to her story of living trans in Zimbabwe where being LGBTIQ is criminalized. We discussed her early life, her beginning as an activist in Zimbabwe and her journey to the US where she now lives works and continues to be an activist for Black transgender and migrant justice and security.
Mattie was born and raised in Bulawayo by her mother and grandmother. Her mother suffered from epilepsy and Mattie was her carer until she died in 2015. Despite being assigned male at birth, Mattie has identified as female for as long as she remembers. As early as twelve years old, she began to present as female wearing female clothes. Her mother and grandmother believed there was something wrong with her and tried to persuade her to revert to male clothing though eventually they accepted her decision to transition. Despite being bullied and ostracized by classmates and her local community , Mattie persisted in maintaining her authentic self which was female.
“As my identity became known to others in my community, my life became unbearable. In public, people would approach me and threaten me, and shout spiteful things at me — such as “Istabane,” which is the equivalent of “faggot” in the Zulu language — in an attempt to humiliate me and make me a target for other passersby. I felt that my life was constantly in danger. In short, life as a transgender woman in Zimbabwe was torture. My romantic relationships — which were carried out in secret — were often abusive. The men I would date would blackmail me into participating in sexual acts I was not comfortable with. If I did not comply, they would threaten to report me to authorities. These experiences began when I was very young.
As a transgender woman who is tall, with broad shoulders and “male” facial features, my looks and appearance created many problems for me in Zimbabwe. I would often be stopped by authorities and asked to produce identification to confirm my feminine looks which never matched my ID cards. Police would harass me — sometimes they would touch my genitalia in public just to humiliate me. This humiliation would be accompanied by disparaging comments and, at times, threats from both police and onlookers.”
These experiences were extremely traumatic and often she was too fearful to leave home and suffered from severe depression and thoughts of suicide over the constant public humiliation and harassment.
Once she had started to work Mattie had to make a decision about how she would present. Initially she predominately presented as male and occasionally she would be brave enough to wear tight pants and a little makeup. However outside work she continued to fully present as female. In one instance she was suspended for four weeks for being “dressed like a girl’ in an effort to force her into being male. After eight years working as a graphic artist, Mattie was fired because of her dress presentation. This however gave Mattie a new opportunity. She had always loved makeup and spent hours watching videos on the subject so she decided to build a career as a freelance makeup artist, Makeup By Tux.
Initially, my business was successful, and I had enough clients and appointments to keep my business afloat. But working as a gay transgender makeup artist came with some struggles. Living in Zimbabwe as an LGBT person meant I had to face the impossible choice between continuing to live in hiding and keep my identity a secret (which caused me tremendous loneliness and depression), or living more openly in the LGBT community and subsequently becoming more of a target of threats, violence, and oppression.
I could not bear the loneliness and pain of living in the shadows, and I also felt that my appearance gave away my identity anyway, meaning that I would be a target no matter what. With this in mind, I chose to live more openly and began connecting with LGBT rights activists.
In 2012, Mattie made a bold step and became involved with GALZ, “Gays and Lesbians of Zimbabwe”. Bold because being an activism for GALZ meant she was in even more danger. The fear of persecution caused her severe depression and anxiety. At the same time it is through meeting other LGBTIQ activists that Mattie found companionship and community support, and most of all a validation of her authentic self as a woman.
GALZ offices and events were regularly targeted by the police. In August 2012 GALZ’s offices in Harare were raided by the police and computers taken which contained the database of members which was then used to harass them in their home and workplaces. During one raid 44 GALZ members were beaten with batons and punches and detained. They were released without charge but remained under police surveillance.
Mattie continued her activism and later became an active member and stakeholder with a newly formed LGBT organization, TREAT [Trans Research Education, Advocacy and Training] . Here she was able to help other LGBT persons by educating them about HIV/AIDS and showed them where to get treatment and support. Many of those helped by TREAT were LGBT youth and here she was often accused by the parents of “ attempting to convert” their children.
The multiple layers of violence which Mattie had suffered since childhood continued. In June 2014 she was attacked by a group of men in her hometown of Bulawayo. She believes the attackers were members of the ruling party, ZANU-PF. She was beaten so badly that she lost consciousness but despite her wounds she was too afraid to go to the hospital or report the beating to the police.
The final straw for Mattie was when she was outed following a holiday trip to South Africa. She had posted on Facebook, a photo of herself in an adult store holding a sex toy and one of her followers found it inappropriate and sent the photo to the newspaper. As a result all her bookings as a makeup artist were cancelled and her business ruined. After finding her mother drowned following an epileptic seizure she knew that if she did not leave Zimbabwe she would one way or another die. Fortunately she was able to apply for a visa to the US to attend the Victory Conference [an international LGBTQ Leaders Conference in Washington DC] and landed in the US on December 5th 2016 where she sought asylum soon after arrival .
Mattie came to the US in December 2016 and in 2017 she became actively involved with BLMP with whom she has participated in their workshops, gatherings and sits on their steering committee. Mattie’s biggest challenge since arriving in the US has been the four year wait, for her asylum interview. To reach this landmark Mattie’s has had to go through a psychological evaluation which expedited the interview process. Fortunately she has been able to work during the four year waiting process.
My advice for anyone going through the asylum process is to try to get yourself an attorney. There are many pro bono attorneys available because you need guidance and support as it is not an easy journey. The asylum interview is not easy so having an attorney to prepare your case, make you ready to answer the questions from the asylum officer is crucial. But it is your story so attend the interview with your head held high. No one can tell your story better than yourself.
I asked Mattie about the friends she left behind in Zimbabwe and the new friends she has made over the past few years including working with BLMP and other activist groups.
Many of my friends have left Zimbabwe for the same reasons I left, some to the US others to Europe and some to neighboring South Africa. Although the South African government is accepting of LGBT people, the society is not. There is so much xenophobia, transphobia and homophobia in South Africa but still it is safer than living in Zimbabwe. At least until one is able or gets the opportunity to travel abroad.
It’s been easy to make friends here in the US especially with like minded folk. Shortly after arriving, I was invited to the Creating Change conference in Philadelpia which is where I met Ola Osaze of BLMP . Thats where I met my family, where I built my community. And through that conference I got to know so many other trans women and from here I got invited to many other workshops and events. And I built and continue to build my chosen family.
It was meeting with Ola Oszae and the other now steering committee members of BLMP. For most of us was it was in this our first meeting that the idea of “doing something for ourselves, for us Africans, for us Black migrants” was born. We began to plan and created a strong steering committee and dreamt of what we wanted BLMP to be.
Being part of BLMP and the Transgender Law Center has been a huge support for Mattie. It is through them that she was able to find a pro bono attorney and with them find the joy she so desperately needed after leaving her home in Zimbabwe. Leaving home no matter how awful the place is, is extremely difficult.
For the future Mattie’s dream is to continue her work as an activist for the Black LGBT community here in the US, to continue to grow with BLMP doing advocacy and outreach work. I ended our conversation with a discussion around her presentation as a chic dresser and wondered if she has ever considered starting a business as a makeup artist here in the US.
Funny enough I am actually in the middle of starting my own makeup line. I am currently talking to vendors and have already created my brand so I am halfway there. This will be my own makeup line made by a trans woman for the LGBTQIA community. The products will focus mainly on the needs of people of colour.
So readers please look out for Matti’s make up line which I will publish here once she has launched.
Thank you to Mattie for her beauty, her grace, her knowledge and loving self.
