Knowledge is Power

I remember being in kindergarten, or maybe even pre-k when I first realized my mom was sick. The memories are spotty, at best. I have a couple vivid pictures in my mind of very specific moments in time, like of my grandpa standing by the stove cooking dinner while he was visiting to help out while my mom was in the hospital. I remember the actual feeling of excitement I had when he surprised me at school, but didn’t realize the serious nature of his visit until years later. The rest, however, is not so much my memories, but those of my family, as they’ve shared them with me and each other over the years.

I was around 24 when I first started seeing my current doctor, who specializes in genetics, specifically in regards to breast cancer. It’s amazing how much of an impact having a medical professional in your life who is willing to take the time to sit with you for an extended period of time and explain how things like genetics and family history work in a way that you understand. I mean, I knew my mom was young when she was diagnosed, and I knew that eventually that fact might have direct implications on my own health — but still, it always seemed far away; abstract.

Until it was drawn out for me. Literally, drawn out, Punnett square style. My family. My mom. My risk. On a Punnett square.

Naturally, my doctor and I started talking about testing. Obviously the genetic tests available can’t and don’t tell us everything about what will happen in the future, but they do give us valuable information. More context from which to base decisions regarding health and lifestyle.

I knew, regardless of the outcome, my plan of action, for the time being at least, would stay the same. So at 24, I decided I just wasn’t ready for that information.

It didn’t feel right at 25 either.

26 and 27 passed much the same.

Another year come and gone, and I went in for my annual meeting with my doctor. I was newly married, excited about what the future had in store. We began our routine discussion on how I was feeling in regards to testing, and I can’t really say what was different about this time.

Maybe it was the fact that it wasn’t just about me anymore, it was both my husband and me.

Maybe it’s because I started thinking about having a family of my own in the not too distant future.

Maybe it’s because a new test was available, one that gave more information and that I could take in my own home.

Maybe it was all or none of those things, but it didn’t matter… I was ready to move forward.

It’s amazing how empowering facing a scary experience can be. Adjusting your mindset in a way that focuses on information as power, not potential doom. I felt completely at peace when I sent off my little vial of DNA.

I know my mom would have been proud of my decision to equip myself with knowledge that she didn’t have the opportunity to possess. She’d be proud of my effort to be aware and informed of my body, my health, and my choices.

I know this, and it means the world to me.

Day 28