My Brother, Ryan

If there ever comes a day when we can’t be together, keep me in your heart, I’ll stay there forever.” -Winnie the Pooh

I think about those who I have lost daily, but on anniversaries, I try to post something thoughtful to honor their memory.

Although I want nothing more than to honor my brother Ryan, who we lost 10 years ago today, upon waking up this morning I am overwhelmed with a feeling of anger.

I am angry that good people are taken too soon. Ryan died a year and a half after our mom; two of the most beautiful people, who embodied nothing but goodness.

I am angry that someone who had absolutely everything to offer this world, didn’t get a chance to.

I am angry that my brother, who was better than me in all ways; intelligence, humor, compassion, … isn’t here to make an impact on others’ lives, the way he did mine.

I’m angry that I lost him when I was 19, before I really knew myself… before I was mature enough to open my eyes and see him as not just an older brother, but as a best friend.

I’m older now, and I think back on his life and who he was; I learn more about him through stories and memories… and I know we would have been best friends.

Missing you today and always, Ryan.

Day 46