“I'm confused”.

I never thought that coming back from vacations would be that tough. It all started 9 weeks ago, three days before we all left school for our winter vacations. I was having some decision-making problems — which I usually don´t. Many things had been circling my head. I was living on my own world, creating and solving my own problems and I had no idea what was forthcoming in 11th grade.

For the past year I have been thinking over and over again about what Im planning to do with my life. The truth is that thinking about life and the path you will follow is the biggest and scariest monster. You have to find yourself in a nightmare to feel what I felt a few days ago. As I came back from 5 long and entertaining week vacations I was caught in a whirl of confusion. The school schedule I had been given had NO reasoning, NO comprehension, NO perception. At first I thought it was only a temporary error. I went to the administration office and that was when the nightmare began.

Before leaving on vacation, my parents, school counselors and I had talked about my future. I´m not pretty sure what I want to do with my life after I leave this dismal swamp. This mud hole through which I have to trudge every day has been giving me a hard time lately. PS: this “mud hole and dismal swamp” is school.

The truth is that I don’t know where to start, I don’t know how to explain this…I’ll get to the point, I want to be a musician when I grow up. I know it sounds out of the box but fortunately & unfortunately that’s what I love. I’m passionate about music and want to take it with me throughout my journey of life.

After entering a school program called Innovation Academy in which originally I had music as one of my most important classes, the day I was handed my school schedule and went to change it I was caught in a battle between a plump that told me I could not have music. “YOU CAN’T HAVE MUSIC”. It seemed as if those four words were spit out of that guys mouth in slow motion. As I slowly saw the saliva come out of his words my stomach began to ache and I felt dizzy for a while. Just imagine this, I was being told that I couldn’t follow my passion. I knew there had to be a solution for this issue. The problem was that this program (Innovation Academy) was mixing with my music classes — which I needed and are crucial for my career.

To resume my boring story it all came down to deciding whether I would remain in the Innovation Academy — which I really loved and would help me on my music-targeted learning — versus — the normal International Bachillerato program. After being talked over and over again about what learning path I wanted to follow, I was starting to doubt if weather music was what I wanted to do when I grew up. The confusion going on in my head was nauseating. I even though on leaving music and becoming a medic for a while — really stupid though because I was only thinking on studying medicine before I read the Holstee Manifesto.

Okay. I must admit that the last 6 paragraphs you’ve been reading are pretty boring for you, however, this is where it gets interesting. After discarding music as a career and getting in a fight with my inner soul, I found myself in a solitary-desertic road. A teacher came up to me, he knew everything that was going on through my mind. He then told me to read a piece of cardboard full of words. He told me to take a picture of the “stupid” cardboard with words and asked me If I could read it when I had time. At first I was way to busy with solving my life. I knew that that the decision I was about to take would not only mark what I would be doing for the two remaining school years but also the next four years of college. To recapitulate: 6 or more years of my life would be influenced by this decision. After talking and talking again and again with my parents I decided to read that “stupid” cardboard with words on it.

That “stupid” cardboard full of words changed my way of thinking. It changed my perspective on life. It made me realize that I should have a meaningful life rather than just a crappy-good paid job. Not only did it guide me on the right track but also made me realize that in life you have to do what you love, in life you have to follow your passion. If you do not follow your passion, you’ll probably regret it in a few years when you find yourself hating your job and working at an office with a stupid boss asking yourself “what the hell am I doing?”.

As a wise man once said: “You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do”. I found a page that talked about how following your passion is THE WORST ADVICE.

In that article Steve Job’s speech was mentioned, it said how incredible the speech was, however, it said that if you read the press of this speech, it was clear that many people interpreted Jobs quote as: “follow your passion.” That article killed me. If you go back into the details of Job’s biography, you discover this is not what he did: “He stumbled into Apple computer at a time when he was “passionate” mainly about Eastern mysticism. But Jobs was open to opportunity. When he sensed that his scheme was bigger than he imagined, he pivoted and poured a lot of energy into building a company around selling computers. He cultivated passion. He didn’t follow it.” I still believe that choosing the IA to study and focus on music will give me an idea and lead me to what I want to study. If I am wrong and this decision wasn’t the correct one I´ll probably regret it, I just hope I don´t. The truth is that all this talking about my career and “blah, blah, blah” has made me question myself in many aspects.

Maybe I’ll follow my passion, or maybe I'll realize I won't be able to afford a sustainable life by following music. ”BAAA”.

We all know money is a very powerful thing, “it builds empires and breaks down kingdoms, it allows for dreams to come true and it takes others away, it makes some people happy and others completely miserable”. — SIOBHAN HARMER. We all say “Money can’t buy happiness”, but can it?

Money CAN make someone happy, It will give you opportunities to travel to amazing beaches in the Caribbean, go to amazing theme parks in Disney World, party in the best bars of Ibiza, however, it might cause redemption on you. Love, time, passion and dedication are all things that money will never be able to buy. Someone that lives life knowing they do what they love will never need money to replace a passion. Money might help you reach your goals, but dedication and sacrifice will impact what you find yourself doing in the future.

Oh god. I’m confused .I´m tired, I´ll go sleep.