“God, What’s Good?”
These were words I uttered last week in what was perhaps my most candid conversation with God to date. It was prompted by the surfacing of my deepest thoughts brought out by Ayahuasca and the take over of my conscious mind by my inner Self. There was so much I wanted to know, and I felt like I was in a state where I could receive some answers. I was laying down looking up at a slightly distorted sky nearing dusk and had a chat with the big guy himself out loud for him to hear.
Having grown up in a secular home, I wasn’t really brought up talking to God. It was only last year that I aligned with my mother’s Judaic roots.
As I’ve grown older, exited the formal school system, and freed my life of many distractions, I’ve had more time to objectively view the world we live in and get to asking deeper questions about it.
My reflection indicates I direct thoughts TO God, but I don’t really expect responses or humanize him in my mind.
I thank God, aka the Universe, daily for his presence in my life and for my blessings. I ask him for things I want and ask him to look out for people I love. I apologize and try to recognize poor choices I make in an effort to relieve my conscious. & how many times have I yelled out “Oh My God!’?
But conversations are not one way roads and the experience I had was different…
God was my boy for something like 20 minutes and got my full authenticity and unfiltered questions.
So, of course, I asked God ‘what’s good?’.
I laughed at jokes I made about him and with him, asked about my confusions with this world and even my own life, and told him to talk to me.
During my ceremony, I was inside a mosquito tent laying on the fertile ground of our beautiful planet. The tent served its purpose of not letting flying insects in fairly well, but it also invariably trapped some inside.
I had my first talking point…
“Dude, what is up with these flies and mosquitos? Earth is beautiful and all, but why the bugs, man?!”
In fact, natural Earth is a shitty place for a human to be dumped into given the number of things that will end our lives or make it miserable. Back to these bugs. — ‘WHY ARE THERE FLYING INSECTS? WHY WOULD YOU/I CREATE THAT?’ sigh. —
and the questions just kept coming. Like an endless stream of curiosity that had broken through the dam of my usual consciousness.
What’s good with work? Why is this world/existence so work focused?
I’ve been learning to work more and harder, but is that what we want? Is that what you wanted?
“All of it sucks. In fact, what is up with things sucking?”
BTW, Why can’t we just have sex? Does it have to be so complicated? —
I got to thinking about my body in general. My foot hurt a bit, I needed a good stretch and I felt gnarly rumbling in my stomach from ayahuasca in my stomach. —
The human body is this magnificent creation, but we are also SOOO fragile.
Don’t eat that, don’t fall, don’t fight, don’t open things with your teeth, don’t use your back to pick things up. I get tired, why? I need all this sleep, specific macronutrients, exercise, sunlight, clean air, and water, etc.
Lucky for most us, these are not daily struggles to overcome (& hearts out to those people in this struggle). & lucky for almost all of us, we are not in the food chain anymore. Bless our ancestors for fighting off feral animals like cheetahs and wolves, and ancient beasts like mammoths and even dinosaurs.
I arrived at a better question.
“If other people are God too, why are we so stupid?”
How did we elect Trump?
Why am I actually an idiot that needs to work his ass off to not regress to a less civilized, thoughtful, or educated person? I love to laugh at absolutely retarded things on the internet. I’m pretty sure that makes me secretly retarded.
“Aren’t we supposed to be smarter?
Why do we have to learn?
Why can’t we just know things?”
I casually asked God if he needed me to take the reins for a little while and laughed. He laughed too, I think.
Why are we SO asleep?
What’s the point of being on this Earth to sleepwalk?It’s even harder being on this Earth, half awake, to see other people sleepwalk and have so little we can do to change that (mindset).
I do not understand why sleepwalking tyrants are in charge of most of our institutions. How is this so?
God, WHO IS MY EGO?
He fucking sucks. Seriously. Do I really need him to be alive?
Why did you create this asshole?
Why couldn’t he be a nice guy that helps me out instead?
Being in the state of my “inner self” I felt that I could objectively see the influence that my ego has had on my thoughts, choices, and actions. & frankly, I don’t like it. I’ve previously had the deep thought that ego unchecked is the enemy.
In the midst of the critiques of my existence and this existential crisis I was having with the sky and the trapped insects in my net as my audience, I realized this is exactly what atheists have been saying! Dude, if you’re real, you suck. What gives?
Hysterical. I laughed with him again.
However, I know things are not so simple.
I also think there’s so much I do not comprehend and probably could not in this existence. Moreover, I think things are actually great.
Although the cynic in me came out, I don’t deny the presence of divinity in everything around me and inside me as well. Religion is out the door, but a connection to my inner self is not.
I’m a true believer that we are the actual creators of our reality, not some external entity.
I realized in this conversation that I had not been really talking to God, just telling him things. Why have I not been talking to God?
- I know he hears me.
- How can he answer questions I’m not asking?
- Considering God is always with me, why aren’t we friends?
It basically doesn’t make sense for me (also you) to not have more candid conversations with God.
So, I wonder, ‘are people [my age] having conversations with God?’.
I think the answer is obviously yes.
I checked in with one of my religious friends who confirmed that he and friends often have convos with God. It makes sense. Are you?
If you’re wondering whether or not he answered, I think he did and he didn’t.
No parting of the clouds and a thunderous sky with a majestic voice for me to hear manifested. I didn’t hear him answer any of my specific questions.
I think maybe it’s because they were not the right questions, just a product of the mind of that dumb unconscious human & his stupid ego I recognized earlier.
It’s possible that my questions were also ones he thinks he should not just give me the answers to. If there’s anything I’ve learned from in this life, it’s that the only real learning is self-learning.
Was God talking to me, though?
Yes.
I heard him in the breeze that shook branches of trees, leaves, and a nearby wind chime. I saw him in a night sky freckled by starlight. & I felt him in deep relaxed breaths of pure bliss I took when I received an impulse to take in that moment of my life and detach from my slew of half-angry inquiries.
I can’t deny that the messages that came to my mind during my ceremony were God’s way of talking to me too.
My inner self was crying out for me to thank my friends and family for their acts of goodness and love.
For me to not be so stupid as to not appreciate people that deserve to be appreciated.
A strong message to be kinder to people penetrated my soul. Be nicer to the idiot that cuts you off, the beggar that has next to nothing, the human that forgot the world is not about them.
My strongest message was one to give more.
Give disproportionately from what I expect to receive. Be more giving. Buy more drinks for my friends, give more gifts, offer more money to good causes.
Its undeniable that these messages came from a place of divine purity. They were answers to questions I may or may not have been asking, perfectly given to me anyway.
Today, I still don’t know what I’m on Earth to learn. Maybe it’s as simple as learning to be always kind and be a giver.
I’m also not sure what my life’s purpose(s) is/are, but hopefully it’s not killing my ego on my own and it’s to have fun instead.
Oh, and I definitely don’t know why these bugs exist. However, I am down to meditate on it and remember to share a laugh or two with the one person who is always with me/is me.
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“All is good.” — God
