You Can Be Grateful and Angry At the Same Time
Complicated feelings about Biden are normal right now.
We live in an unusual period in our nation’s history. For most of the past hundred years, perhaps with the exceptions of Richard Nixon and, at times, George W. Bush and Bill Clinton, the nation’s presidents have not occupied most people’s mental space. They aren’t supposed to. If they do their job correctly, we are barely supposed to think about them except in passing. I used to believe that DJT had the market cornered on his narcissism’s way of forcing our attention on him at all times. Lately, however, there has been another contender. And if things go the way they are likely to, Biden will indeed be uttering Terry Malloy’s famous line ‘I could have been a contender.’
Biden is what I would call a closet narcissist or a covert narcissist— one who masquerades and cloaks their narcissism as an everyman and displays genuine empathy (perhaps somewhat unusual for a covert narcissist, but Biden does this) but who also secretly needs to be validated beyond ‘normal’ baseline levels for the rest of us. In other words, they need validation to affirm their existence. Most American presidents likely have hidden narcissism to a degree — they probably couldn’t get to where they are without it — but as long as it doesn’t impede the quality of their presidency, it isn’t an issue for the rest of us. Up until recently in Biden’s professional career, it is likely his narcissism has served him well.
Being a narcissist doesn’t mean one is a bad person. Like most people will generally attest who know Biden, I also genuinely believe Biden is a decent and good man — but he has a tragic Shakespearean flaw that is coming into, OR, has already come into sharp focus. Even more tragically, Biden insists that we all should be the casualties of his own personal pathos despite living on Earth 1 with the rest of us. Unlike you-know-who, I believe this man inhabits our reality.
As of the date of this writing, it is his Trumpian-like insistence that he is the best-positioned individual to beat you-know-who when all of the evidence points in the opposite direction. It is his nonchalant attitude that if he loses, he’ll feel ok about our losing any semblance of a democracy as long as he does the “goodest” or “as good as” job he can. This isn’t simply tomfoolery. It’s approaching off-the-charts levels of irresponsibility. Can you imagine a defense attorney representing a client who is eligible for the death penalty saying…’Well, as long as I try my best, I’ll sleep well after you fry because, doggone it, I tried my best.’ It would be outrageous. This is essentially Biden’s message to the country. ‘Democracy dies, but I won’t cry because I tried!’ Biden was once a public defender. Someone should remind him of this.
To Biden’s defense, the news cycle since the debate has bothered me. The ageism and ableism on display by — well, everyone is disturbing. It does real damage to older adults and the disability community by reducing individuals to their “capacities” at any given moment. The current zeitgeist is offensive to every fiber of my being. There’s a part of me that feels for Joe the way I would for any individual who wants to have a fulfilling life but has some impediment through no fault of their own, which presents significant challenges.
The thing is, Joe has had a very fulfilling life to date. And the other thing is, being the president is kind of a big deal. We all need to know that the president can speak extemporaneously and not lose his train of thought. I’ve thought about whether or not I have internalized ableism to a certain degree because of this desire, and if I am being honest, I probably do. But to my defense, I will vote for Biden no matter what kind of condition he is in over the alternative. I unconditionally support him. However, I would *rather* vote for someone who will invigorate voters versus a candidate Father Time has caught up with.
Deep down in his soul, I believe Biden knows all of this, which is why it is unforgivable that he is making this historically tragic choice. We are now living through moments when all of our attention is squarely focused on him, the same way we were forced to be laser-focused on his predecessor. In essence, Uncle Joe needs attention — even negative attention, to affirm himself, and we must bear the consequences of his unwillingness to let go. Uncle Joe wants to be able to drive the car, and only he decides when he hands over the keys, even if it means people — more specifically, the world’s population will get hurt. Like Trump, he doesn’t want to go down in history as a “loser.” But he may become one of history's biggest winners by stepping aside and allowing viable alternatives to coalesce.
Joe, many of us applaud your job as president and your fifty years of public service. But for the sake of your Grandchildren and the world, please pass the torch.
