How Do You Craft a Remarkable Network As You Transition?

You don’t. You build “Social Capital”:

“Social capital refers to the collective value of all “social networks” [who people know] and the inclinations that arise from these networks to do things for each other [“norms of reciprocity”]” — Harvard Kennedy School (https://www.hks.harvard.edu/programs/saguaro/about-social-capital)

Let’s look at the two components: Value of all your social networks, things you do for each other.

VALUE OF SOCIAL NETWORKS

“Dunbar’s number is a suggested cognitive limit to the number of people with whom one can maintain stable social relationships.”

Dunbar’s number theorizes you can safely handle and maintain about 150 individual connections. Think of how units at the Company or Department level formed. More based from history instead of social theory, these units operate at a similar size.

You undoubtedly built a strong social network on the inside. It anchored your military career. But as you transition out, how many of your 150 closest friends can help you command your transition?

As your life’s purpose changes to outside the uniform, the value of that network fades. You must cultivate a new network, around your new purpose, to maintain social capital.

TRANSACTIONAL VS. TRUST

“You can’t see opportunity if you look just one move ahead.” —Jordan Harbinger

Much of what you did for others in the military came from this idea of reciprocity. You may not have had that intent going in. But those times you bailed out fellow members may not have been just to gain a favor for later. It could have been for pride, it could have been for the communal unit readiness.

It was just what you did.

In the military — you know what a trusted unit feels like. Unit cohesion and morale can sometimes feel like lip service. But members in close units do anything for each other. They go out of their way to help each other. That’s the level of trust in your closest relationships you need to thrive on the outside.

WHAT “NETWORKING” GETS WRONG

Networking often gets a bad rap with veterans for two reasons:

• You feel like you have to leave behind most of who you know;
• You start from a position of needing value (sales), not giving value (service).

The military thrives on social capital. Sponsor programs, ombudsmen, career counselors/advisors, morale — many of a unit’s supporting roles foster a mesh of supporting and deeper relationships among the unit.

Yet when you get out, you’re not going to have any of that.

You don’t need to leave behind the people you know. Especially if you integrate your old groups and community into your new one as a civilian. Also, you don’t have to start from a position of needing value. You didn’t start that way in the military. Even as a non-rate or a 2LT, you provided value in your insatiable energy and desire to learn.

HOW TO BUILD SOCIAL CAPITAL

“The people who are successful at social capital understand what components are lacking, where to meet those people, and how to follow up with those people so their network grows in a concerted fashion.” —AJ Harbinger

Social capital is the ability to attract, qualify, and convert people into a long term mesh of connections.

What kind of connections? The easiest grouping is romantic, business, and platonic. Yeah, your social capital isn’t just business and work. The highest purpose of your capital is orienting you into being a civilian. Your shifted social network anchors you in your new identity. And if you need to, your network helps you find your next romantic connection.

Cultivating social capital will be a part time job as you transition. Definitely as important as, if not more important than, the job hunt. Episode 400 of the Art of Charm recommends creating and nurturing four groups for this: A men’s/women’s group, a co-ed group, a show off group, and a charity group:

• A gender specific group is a way for you to “talk shop”, banter, and just grow/exemplify your role in a small, intimate tribe. It should invoke the same experiences you felt at the platoon, squad, or division level.
• A co-ed group helps you hang out with a larger variety of people. And experience activities you wouldn’t have seen yourself. Co-ed groups are great ways to be noncompetitive, yet have fun and cultivate weak connections.
• A show off group is your way to show what you enjoying doing, and what you’re good at. You need a venue and group that helps you highlight what excites and excels you. Having a way to show your work also helps you drive your work search.
• Finally — a charity group grounds you and your contribution. Service is who you are, not just what you do. Charity groups can help you feel more connected to your local community. The ability to give without receiving is a hallmark of building trust.

Cultivate each group to 15 people during the year before and after you transition, and you’ll have great capital. The network effect shifts your transition from a singular journey to a communal experience. The more people in your corner, the stronger your return to civilian service.

RESOURCES

I learned about social capital from my friends Jordan & AJ, who run the iTunes Top 50 podcast “The Art of Charm”. Retired General Michael Hayden was recently a guest! I went to their Attraction Bootcamp twice (that’s another post for another day!), and they’re currently hosting a “Social Capital Month”.

Check out more about social capital here: (http://theartofcharm.com/socialcapital-intro/)