New Orleans Flooded with Mardi Gras Revelers

NEW ORLEANS — Over a million partygoers stormed the streets of New Orleans over the weekend for Mardi Gras, completely flooding Bourbon Street and the entire French Quarter in celebrations city officials expect will continue through late Tuesday evening. The oncoming waves of people tore through the narrow streets wreaking havoc and carrying in countless tons of garbage and debris.

“The city is in complete chaos,” said New Orleans Mayor Mitch Landrieu, declaring a state of emergency after being unable to reach his favorite bar. “And I’m calling for immediate first aid because I just split my finger open on a broken glass bottle and it won’t stop bleeding.”

The Mayor’s Office says flooding of people has been a constant worry for decades, citing the city’s geography and climate as appealing for northerners wishing to escape the cold. Despite the city’s preparations for what was expected to be a festive season however, many people were still unprepared for the ravages of the holiday.

“All I’ve had to eat and drink are MoonPies and Southern Comfort,” said one man in the crowd, appearing visibly disoriented. “I’ve lost all my friends and I don’t even know if they’re still alive.”

Public officials are worried that conditions among the masses of displaced people may be deteriorating, with some trading clothing and resorting to crude bartering systems. Krewes have been floating through the streets, handing out provisions to those in need and willing to show their boobs.

“This has been absolutely insane — nobody will let us in anywhere because my friend is such a drunk mess and wrecking shit,” spoke a Tulane student of her friend Katrina, who is now banned from several bars and restaurants across the city. “She’s made such a bad name for herself.”