“Call Me Queen”: Call to Freedom
Healing from the Pain of Pleasing Others Who Know Not Who I Am
December 31, 2023
From my soul’s memoir…
Freedom! I fear losing out on freedom. I desire healing from past pain. I so truthfully desire Love-rooted liberation from false narratives of who I am. Freedom! Freedom is calling forth to me, and yet, sometimes I feel as if I do not eat of its first fruits or sing to its mating call or live in its cozy forearms. I fear this: there is freedom for some and not for others. I fear: that I may be but a bland spec in the center of the eye of darkness, that I shall never lead with my heart, that I shall leave this cursed body neither knowing Love nor ease nor fearlessness.
Where do we go when we’ve exhausted our will to choose life in a moment of succumbing to fear? How do I go on to smile into the mirror, when I bear witness to my own needy Soul’s search for ultimate liberation from this hell called self-hatred? How do I learn to heal when I continue to bear an endless well of disease? Hear me O’ Lord — the Great Healer of The Dead in the world of graves. Hear my soul break open for your gentle Living Word! Hear my bones crunch under the waterfalls of pain! Hear my head spin ‘round the confusion of obscurity and delusion. Hear my womb bleed in birth of the honest self. Hear my parched mouth scream out in prayer.
Hell hath no permanent hold on my Soul, for I have willed an end to this suffering in the name of acceptance; acceptance hath no place where there is unity with Love. Call me, now, Queen of The Liberated, for no more shall I wander in the desert of my egoic landscape, searching for water to quench my heart! No mind can make nourishment for entrance into eternal peace. I shall not be known as Queen of The Damned. Damnation reigns no more. She shall quit her reign bestowed upon her in darkness, and, now and always, she shall rule with love where hearts know not death and its children — offspring known and discovered by their absence in the presence of freedom. As She has broken her covenant with death, She is now freedom’s mother. Liberation is Her blessing, and I eat of Her body and drink of Her milk. I have become one unto Her, one amongst Her queendom and one with Her. Call me, no more, cuckoldress, for I no more bear children of the dark lord. Call me Queen, The Reign of The Liberated.
© Laquanique Louise Esposito, aka L.L.E. or Esposito One Love, 2023. All Rights Reserved.
