Dear Depression, Let’s Part Ways
We’ve been together for so many years that I no longer want to be together anymore.
Unreasonable. Well, unreasonable it is.
That’s how you came into my life. I never wanted you. But you came in my darkest period.
At first, I didn’t bother seeing your handsome face when you were looming around me. I didn’t notice. I was too young to understand. It took me a lot of time to feel your presence.
I was a bit numb back then. I was 12. I wouldn’t have felt intimate with you or even noticed your enchanting blue eyes.
When Papa passed away, I was 15. I grew even more number than before. You were consoling me, telling me to forget everything. You were telling me that nobody loves me as much as you do. And I somehow believed your sweet lies.
You did leave me unannounced after that. I didn’t care you were gone. I was too busy to notice your absence. I was apathetic. I even forgot what you looked like. And then you came back like wreaking havoc.
Oh, I must have looked so vulnerable at that time. I was insecure. You came to me.
“See, you are worth only this much. You are still alone. Nobody wants you. I am the only one who stays for you. And I will still stay forever with you.”
I knew you were a bad influence. But your deep blue enchanting eyes always bewitched me. I started noticing your beautiful lips. Red and rosy, and how much truth those lips spouted.
I hated lies. By now, you had understood it well. So your beautiful lips only told the truth.
Truth…I didn’t want to hear.
The truth that hollowed me…carved my soul out.
But then you were there, whispering sweet nothings.
“Fall into my embrace and forget everything.”
I was so mesmerized by your ephemeral face that no human could have. A demon encased as a beautiful angel. Oh! How are you? My salvation, my desire or a desperate lie.
You were beautiful. Your strong arms, your beautiful clavicle bewitched me, called to me to embrace you wholeheartedly.
Remember that new years day? I stayed awake the whole night, listening to your sweet voice, your magnetic chuckle. How much you called out to me to embrace you while I stared down the open window.
One step. I had to take only one action. But I stayed still, and the morning rose. Still and silent. The outside was cold. I wanted to go out. Only then did you shut up for once.
You said that embracing you would end everything. My sufferings, my hollowness, my suffocations. Everything will end once I let go and embrace you.
I, too, wanted that, but I was only 24. I had a lot to see. However beaten and broken I was, it wasn’t time yet to let you have your ways.
We argued for days. I stopped talking to you. You stopped telling me to embrace you. But you just didn’t leave. Always tailed me. Never leaving my side. Oh, how much I have been embarrassed ‘cos of you.
I shut off everything from my life, just couldn’t shut your constant chatter. It was overwhelming. I broke down.
Nobody understood, and you were gloating on my misery.
“See, nobody understands you. Only I am by your side unconditionally.”
To get away from you, I travelled to many places. Thankfully you did leave me for a while. But always. You always come back.
You are persistent. I give you that. But, don’t you think it has been such a long time?
I have grown up because of you a lot. I understand myself much better because of you.