Get Rid of Toxic People To Live a Happier Life

Family members are no exception

Photo by Timothy Eberly on Unsplash

We all know that we should rid of anything that is not good for us. Unhealthy diet, too much alcohol, bad habits, … toxic people, to name a few.

What if the person that is toxic in your life is a family member? That fact is hard to accept. It is hard to imagine a family member can cause us so much stress, anxiety, and even pain… but believe me, they can and they do.

At first, I was making excuses for my mother and for years I truly believed everything was MY fault. After going through counseling and having realized this myself (finally!), that is exactly what toxic people do. They have the ability to put all the blame on you. We are an easy target… after all, we are family. They can and they will continue to hurt us and expect us to endure it.

I will not lie. It was not easy to detect, especially if it’s disguised as “care” or through soft-spoken words. It took me a decade to accept this truth.

Here are a few things that may help you to identify if a family member is toxic:

1. They drain your positive energy out after talking or spending time with them.
2. You constantly feel hurt by their actions.
3. They lie to family members about you and they lie to you about other family members.
4. Your feelings are not valid to them and they belittle you.
5. Constant yelling and screaming that is hard to manage.
6. Calling you names or saying hurtful words, or intentionally hurt you with their words. Feeling they need to say something to hurt you when they do not like what you tell them.
7. Seeking your help all the time, but they are never available for you.
8. They lack concern towards you.
9. They never apologize… ever.
10. They are always the victim. They turn things around so they can be the victim, even if they attacked you first.
11. They never see or understand that there is something wrong with their words or actions. They are always right and everyone is wrong.

Be careful though. There is a difference between people who are truly toxic to your well-being and people who have a negative viewpoint because they struggle with depression or mental illness. It is important to let family members who suffer from clinical depression or mental illness know that you love and support them, and not cut them out of your lives. Please seek professional help.

When it comes to letting go of relationships with your toxic family member/s, here are a few things you can do:

1. Acknowledge that they are abusive. Stop making excuses for them and stop denying the harm that your family member has caused.
2. Be firm and set boundaries. Make your intentions clear then keep your distance.
3. Distance yourself. You may start with low contact. Only see or talk to them at family gatherings or other major holidays. Progress to no contact if low contact is not working.
4. Forgive them but do not forget so you do not fall into a cycle.
5. Get professional help from a therapist or support group. Voicing out your concerns and finding someone or a group to help you with your next steps is a good way to keep moving forward.

If you truly want to find peace in your life, you have to learn how to separate yourself from those who detract from WHO YOU ARE. Sometimes the best thing you can do is rid yourself of toxic family members even if this will be the most painful thing you have to do.

Choose your happiness and well-being. Choose YOU.