Never Had It Anyway
Dear friend,
I write to you with a heavy heart.
No, there is no bad news —
Just a sky that forgot how to rain.
I have been picking apart the words of all my sentences,
Only to watch them speak a language I don’t understand.
The problem is that too many people have told me
Too many things,
And the pages of my To-Do diary have run out.
I take that as a bad omen.
I have been reading books on marketing,
And pause for a moment when someone asks me what magical realism is.
I drink water like it will quench my thirst.
Do you understand?
I am standing on a threshold,
And I don’t know which way to jump.
There is so much pain and there is so much happiness;
What do I do with all of it?
I want to write stories about pumpkins, horses, and rocks.
About the moon turning to snowflakes
When all the lovers in the world kiss together.
I want to make so much money
That my father tells me to stop.
I want to look at blue and see the ocean;
To look at the sunset and see different dimensions.
But I got tired of trying to find a home
Where these words of mine would fit.
So I packed my bags and left to find a season that does not exist.
I wandered a wasteland and one by one,
Dropped all my possessions.
Have you ever felt lighter and heavier at the same time?
I discovered a new person with each step.
I gave myself a shot at happiness
Just to realise that it’s overrated.
I gave myself a shot at peace
And realised that to look for it anywhere outside of yourself
Is to knock at a house that isn’t yours.
So I talk to myself every night,
Ask myself how was your day?
“Amazing”, “Good”, “Not that great”.
I listen with so much care,
With the patience of a tree.
Dear friend,
All of life’s a game of hell or high water.
Dreams will come and go,
But we only have one heart.
I plan to take care of it,
And I hope that you do too.
But hey, all that is not important.
Tell me — how have you been?
