I am self raised and very proud of it
Living with a non fitting feeling within my own family. Since I can remember I always questioned my own family non fitting in. The only concrete real proof that I really originated from that family was our physical resemblance and our food preferences. The rest was like I had been abducted very young and then brought back. None of my profound life values and convictions were ever given to me by my family. Being constantly not in accord with anything going on around me I learned to keep deep down inside the real me. Not liking what was offered to me I chose to develop my own self.
I never was badly treated nor missed any basic needs like food and a comfortable bed and roof. But apart from those basic needs, I was brought up to learn fast not to ask for anything and to rapidly learn to do everything by myself. It was made very clear since a very young age that I should not disturb anyone at any time and that I’d better learn to be as independent as I could. No real affection was given to us through loving parents.
Always wondered why my parents had kids. What’s the use of having kids if you never really want to have anything to do in their lives? I always considered myself as a handy maid that had most of the house chores since I was the only girl. My house responsibilities comprised groceries, cleaning, cooking and laundry. During school days I was so exhausted I had no more energy for my homework. Got really bad school notes and most of my family thought I was stupid and I even believed it for a log time. Hated school for so long because I was so bored and had a hard time sitting down during all these long hours.
To facilitate their life, our parents brought us up using fear. Fear was presented to us to cover every possible aspect of our lives both within and outside our house. Inside the house, fear was used to prevent us from touching anything; i.e. thought for so long that basically everything in our house could either explode or go on fire if I touched it. Outside, fear had been purposely used to prevent us from any social interventions of any kind. For a while thought everybody was set out to attack, rob, rape, poison and even kill me. Amazingly, for every step I would do outside of my house I quickly believed the world was not so dark and mean.
My fear of the outside world was quickly replaced by my self opening and development. Luckily, my curiosity has helped me encounter the outside world and learning to tame my inner fears and progressively replacing my parent’s brainwashed dogma to my own self outside world contemplation. Realizing, no not everyone is set to attack, rob, rape, poison or even kill me. And yes there was and is beauty in this world. I met through my personal hobbies, anything to do with cultural art, that I could and should change my own world vision.
Stopping believing my parents dogma, I became less angry and shy and introvert and negative to become happy, open and a very optimistic person. Instead of wasting my entire life within a closed environment being scared of everything and everyone in this world. I chose to open my world to everybody and everything and this world.
Once this decision was taken, my life became so simple. A load was taken off my shoulders. The load of always trying to fit or impress my family which never really did understand me at all. I was free. Free to decide on my own what was good or not for me based on my own experiences and not forced on me by a dark dogma. Promised myself will never let others judgment interfere with my life’s desires. I would never pretend to be somebody else just to be accepted and fit in a group. I would be me and love myself to be true to myself. Would stop bending this and that just to please people.
A beautiful world with incredible people became my own. Went to university and chose a career that would keep me happy. I never considered my job as a chore. Chose my job to fit my easy going free nature. No routine or hard dogma was going to rule my world. Met so many nice people through my job field work that became life long friends. My own personal travel was also done and based on a way to explore and try to learn more on the world. Always trying to discover more beauty. The more I travelled the more I was walking away my childhood dark imposed dogma.
All my life, I stayed far from constant complaining and whining individuals. People who would try to dissuade me from doing something they themselves found hard would give me an instant opposite reaction. I would just ignore their negative attitude and if still interested I would pursue my own actions and make my own mind. Could not care less if I was judged. Would never let these life sucking depressed individuals ruin my world. No negative influence would bring me down.
I am self raised and very proud of it. Every major life decision was taken by me and live with no regrets. Society tries to impose so many rules on us and life patterns we should follow, but who says this is the way to live. If people would seriously listen more to their inner voices they would be happier, more optimistic, avoid depression and be grateful of their life achievements. We are the master of our own lives. We need to understand we can change anything we don’t like in our lives. We can all stop living to satisfy other’s judgements and start living based on our own personal convictions.
We can all take control of our lives, be self raised and free from unhappy life suckers.
Francine Fallara 2019