Sometimes You Fall
Learn and be happy
In 70 + years I’ve promised a bunch of things, both to myself and others. Sometimes I make it happen, sometimes it all falls apart. Sometimes I announce my intentions and sometimes I go into stealth mode. Sometimes I “feel” the project and it flows to the desired end and it doesn’t even feel like I am working. And then there are times when I want to do it, but I can’t find the flow. You never know until you get started and work for a while if it’ll come around.
My “Buson 100” challenge has gone down in flames.
I am relieved for the lack of pressure and angry and disappointed with myself for not following through on my commitment. Even though the commitment had no consequences beyond my personal, emotional viewpoint.
Maybe it has to do with “inspiration”, the breath of body and soul. There is a mystic sense to the idea of inspiration. It is (for me) a connecting with Life, the universe, God, the infinite, or whatever label I choose to put on that which is beyond my grasp. There is a difference between sincere desire and inspiration. Inspiration is beyond reason or judgment or technique.
I was not inspired to write ten poems a day for one hundred days, though I wanted to do it. I wanted to learn how to be a poet on demand. I wanted to push through the mental obstacles and make myself ‘just do it’. I did write, but words on a page are not ‘creativity’. I am too much of a free spirit and love life too much to produce for the sake of production, though that attitude has not made for the stability of finances or circumstances. I could blame ADHD or a rough childhood I suppose.
So. My challenge is over. I will be happy just being a poet/philosophizer/storyteller. It makes me smile.