Stargazing and Suffering

What will be will be

Heather Martin (@cadenzacreates)
Blue Insights
Published in
3 min readJun 16, 2023

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Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash

What if it was enough? What I said then — on that day — even if it came out crooked and off-tempo — even if it hit that spot inside of you that no one dares to glimpse, let alone touch. What if ineloquence was the balm you craved?

What if it was what it was? What I did there — all those years — toiling through the tedious task of toughening my skin even though I endeavored to be a light — to guide others to begin again?

What if it doesn’t change — this dynamic, that is — through time — forced smiles and secrets hidden in plain sight, requiring ambivalence to guide us as we skip over snide remarks for pettier pleasantries. What then? What will it all be? What about me?

Can I live knowing that what happened is unchanging and done? Can I stop blaming myself as if I was the only culpable one when we all did the crime? I wonder about the others; are they still serving time in their minds— a cell of soft tissue so unkind?

This is what it is to be human — a slow awakening to the fact that all our magical thinking was for naught, equal to the useless pining for all the wrongs we wrought.

And at the end of stargazing and suffering — we sit in the stillness of our becoming free from the chains of desire and shame — knowing if we were mystically…

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