Member-only story
The Paradox of Surrender
How Giving Up Control Can Be the Most Empowering Thing You Can Do
For me, the beginning of the pandemic began St. Patrick’s Day 2020. My husband, our dog, and I decided to have dinner and celebrate at Poe’s Pub, a local bar. As we were heading out, the local news reported the rising pandemic. Before leaving, I made sure to wash my hands and carry hand sanitizer in my purse. The crowd was sparse but the weather was perfect for celebrating not just the holiday but what would become our last day of freedom.
At the time, I was working as a contractor doing copywriting work for an educational consulting firm. Within a week of that evening, corporate decided that all employees would be working remotely from then on. Being the quintessential introvert, this was great news. No more commuting, sitting under fluorescent lights and being confined to a cubicle. I welcomed the luxury of being able to roll out of bed fifteen minutes before my start time, have my cup of coffee and fire up my laptop.
A month into the pandemic, my contract ended. I had a good working relationship with the agency and thought I would be able to find other opportunities. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. The perky recruiter I was working with became significantly less perky two weeks after the job ended. As of April 2020, I was out of work.
With an extra $300 a week of unemployment compensation and all this time on my hands, I was excited about the possibility of being able to accomplish the things I had been putting off. Initially, I tried to be industrious by taking online education classes in writing, Google Analytics, or whatever would make me more marketable once this was over.
It didn’t take long for my momentum to come to a screeching halt. To counteract that, I started a backyard container garden. Every morning, I would go out and tend to what I liked to call my quarantine victory garden. Going outside to water my tomatoes, peppers, and herbs did give me something to wake up to, but it wasn’t enough.
As the days turned into months, I drifted seamlessly from one day to the next. My days would be spent watching YouTube videos and scrolling social media to distract myself from the fear both inside and around me. My nights would be spent…
