What Sets My Soul On Fire

Stephanie C. Odili
Aug 5, 2019 · 4 min read
Source: Apagraph

Passion.

Passion that isn’t lost.

Passion like lust; lust for the fleshy parts of his body and her body.

Passion in my wanderlusts that is illustrating.

Like the bluster from waiting through the lustrum.

Passion in all things fashionable that I can refashion.

Passion with a heart full of compassion.

Passion like an appetite. Making me feed the deepest parts of my soul.

Like a craving, I must satisfy the urge to find out and rediscover.

Passionately seeking cover under that fire in my soul.

God.

This should have come first, but that would be too predictable; unlike my God.

The most precious thing in my life and my existence.

To breathe because He said so, is my greatest gift.

Oh, imagine how my soul burns at the excitement and thought of this.

When I think of Him, of God. When I think of how elated and worthy He makes me feel, I immediately burst into a eulogy comprised of adequate words and then bask in the doxology of a thousand considerate swords.

My soul is burst open.

Relationships.

I like this one.

Do you ever feel like you need to be around someone? Around people? Around some people.

I’m not talking about romantic relationships only. I’m talking about the people you would first send the news of an acceptance email to. The people you would first ask about their opinion on something you just created or just witnessed.

These are the ones that set my soul on fire.

Oh, what I wouldn’t do for them.

The very people whose names are written on the list, these are the ones that I burn for.

And of course, the most special one that you envision spending your lifetime with. The ones that the sight of them is like a million dollars won in a lottery you never registered for.

My family, my friends.

I tell you solemnly, there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for each and any one of you.

Love.

‘To love is to have seen the face of God’, said someone I once read.

I have felt it. Genuinely felt it, and sometimes I have mistaken it for happiness. Happiness is ecstatic, love is electric.

Each time it feels different, each soul burns slightly different from the previous, from the future.

Currently, I feel this deep love and I can confidently tell you that unlike the tradition of the ones before him, this is untainted. It isn’t contaminated by any of my flaws.

That is what sets my soul on fire. Unconditional love, electric and unconditional.

Success.

It’s almost like a drug.

I often feel like an addict.

Obsessing over the what-ifs and the maybes.

Thinking about whether or not I would or would not.

I am woolgathering intentionally into the vacuum of everything. Everything that portrays my worries.

I don’t want to grow old. That’s what they say will happen to my kind. The overthinkers.

But success has me looking like I’m a score and more and I’m desperately praying that my choices would have scored a dozen goals in my century before I’m a centurion.

My fear of being conquered by life and death, in the end, is the exact motivation that sets my soul on fire. On fire to be more. On fire to do more.

Rage.

Do you think you can kill? Has your heart been so angered and your mind so filled with extreme pain that you so yearn to lift an object of human destruction?

Speak the truth, this is a safe place.

No one can judge you, no one but your eyes.

I feel it too.

I want to remove the spleen of the man who said my ass was too unnoticeable to qualify me as a woman.

I want to castrate the human that looked at me in all my glory but decided I wasn’t worth being called beautiful.

I know you desperately want to see them beg you for life as their blood splashes while they splutter

I know that type of rage.

I know it because it sets my soul on fire. Literally.

Rejection.

Ever felt like the ‘no’ couldn’t be any heavier than it already was?

Ever wondered if they thought about your feeling before blurting out the negative response?

Ever went into that inner mood of yours and allowed your heart to beat hard then sink because it couldn’t contain all the pain?

Ever pondered about what happens next?

Rejection sets my soul on fire. On fire to get up from the mess of emotions and run forward. Run forward to something that I think is going to make me feel better. Someone I hope is going to help me feel better.

I dare you to talk about how bad my coping mechanism is.

My soul burns when I am rejected. I suddenly am in need to run towards something…or someone.

Let your soul burn but never let it burn to ashes.

Allow the flames, but not until it’s beyond repair.

You’ve got fire in your soul.

Now it’s time to let it burn.

Blue Insights

Stephanie C. Odili

Written by

Novelist, poet, and editor. Purchase my books here—http://stephanieodili.com/books/

Blue Insights

All Writers— Be Heard. Sharing emotions — Spark plugs to ignite your virtual humanity.

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