Your Clothes Are Not Probative Of Consent
The beauty and danger of the media is user anonymity
Sexual exploitation remains a systematic prevalence which myriads of women experience, emerging as a social priority to address the problem’s universality. The ubiquity of sexually exploited victims coming forward with their stories has been amplified with the use of media platforms, shedding light on the severity of these traumatic events.
There is no doubt behind the pervasively global nature of sexual exploitation and assaults, not limited to Indonesia. However, too often is there an infestation of questionable responses which seem to scrutinize and invalidate a survivor’s experience. One of them, in particular, being: “What were you wearing?”
Take the case of the two Indonesian Starbucks employees who gandered keenly at a customer’s cleavage through a CCTV camera while recording it through their personal phones. This reprehensible act has invalidated the idea of consent and proves how women are subjugated to mistreatment, to the extent where public spaces are no longer a place for security.
However, a derival of comments is seen to harshly criticize the customer’s outfits, stating that the customer was “asking for it” by wearing provocative clothing. This ideology is harmful as it builds a mindset in which your clothing acts as a non-verbal communication of consent.
It is a myth that sexual assault only occurs to women who are wearing provocative clothing, while a study from The Washington Post shows that women who dress in layers, long pants and sleeves are actually more likely to be raped. Having a mindset in which a short skirt is considered consent to sexual assault leads to drive women inside a cycle of objectification, where their body and physical appearance is the only thing of monetary value.
“Blaming the victim is an act of refuge and self-deception. It allows the blamer to sit in judgment, imagining some mystical justice that means bad things happen only to bad people, thus ensuring their own safety.”
— — Una, Becoming Unbecoming
Women who fear to be sexually exploited lead to drastic measures, such as to refrain from going out at night and proceed to change their whole attire for this sole purpose.
This fear has been present for generations, creating a stereotype where using provocative clothing is a sign of low moral value. I have seen countless scenarios in which a girl is labelled by other girls as: “asking for male attention” and “slut” simply because of their low cut top.
These comments are not just demeaning, but it creates a long-term detrimental effect. Stereotyping an individual based on their clothing choice perpetuates a harmful label on someone whom we know nothing about and with these word choices, we subconsciously become a model for those who observe our behaviour and teach them to normalize this abominable mistreatment that women face.
Our disgusting behaviour towards other women makes it acceptable for men to use against us, supporting the social norm in which clothing equals consent.
I hear the saying “Men don’t respect women who use provocative clothing” all the time, whether from the media or even from relatives. Being an Indonesian born, I have encountered multitude of scenarios where I received criticism of the length of my skirt alongside the sheerness of my top.
A highlight is when my millennial relative criticized the above-knee skirt I wore for dinner with my friends, while he proceeded to tell me, “Guys won’t respect you for wearing that. What kind of man are you trying to attract?”
His comment, as a millennial, made me question our progress as a generation. I thought we were in a new generation of progressive thinking, away from irrational constraints which limited our individuality, but misogyny is so deeply rooted inside the Indonesian culture that it has transcended generations.
The generic saying which everyone has heard at one point: “Women do not dress up for men” seems to be overused but never implemented and truly heard by our society. My outfit does not give you permission to categorize me based on traditional stereotypes and if we do not question this blatant societal norm, when will we progress as a generation?
There is a heavy burden placed on women dressing modestly and this shouldn’t excuse or give a reason for men to treat “immodest” clothing as a sign of consent.
The clothing is not a problem; the problem is the double standard present in which men are not scrutinized for when they choose to go against the rules of modesty. Respect is not based upon something as superficial as a woman’s clothing choice, but her personality, intelligence, achievements, societal contributions and many more.
“Our culture is so overwhelmed by the concept of females as sexual beings that whenever it comes to light, it is immediately seen as the only facet of a woman. It’s perfectly fine for us to see women as sexual objects, but once she becomes a sexual subject, she can’t be anything else. She can’t be ladylike, intelligent, politically conscious, or respectable…We seem to be afraid of women who can be all of this and more when really, we should admire and learn from them.”
— Isabella Milch, Sex, Power, And The Multifaceted Woman
It is not just the culture we live in which promotes this ideology, but also the media which exacerbates women to be objectified based on their clothes. Behind the positive effects of social media, there is also a toxic culture in which women who post pictures with “indecent” clothing are portrayed to invite and tempt men into exploiting them.
The truth does not come close. Women do not dress for the validation of men and their clothing choice is used to declare their singular, unique identity. Therefore, it is wrong to shame women for their clothing choices and take it as an invitation to degrade and create shameless, corrupt comments about them.
The beauty and danger of the media is user anonymity, which seems to propel more vitiated comments for women on the media, including young girls.
As we live in this modern society, I am proud to see rapid changes in Indonesia and also worldwide, in which the feminist movement is evolving and the patriarchal culture becoming less persistent. We are still far from done. Our fight is just beginning.
The harsh reality of this world is that sexual subjugation, the subservient status of women and irrational social norms still serve as a scathing indictment of this putrid environment we live in.
However, we are making progress and even the smallest movements towards the right direction will help contrast the hegemonic mindsets that some people still have.
Despite this world’s current atrocities, we should be proud to witness our progressive change. In a society where intelligence in women is no longer anathema, women now have a stronger avenue for self-expression and are given more opportunities to build their intellect alongside curiosity in order to exceed their ambitions and dreams.
Educating oneself about the idea of consent should ideally start from youth and is implemented into school curriculums, but these ideal initiatives are not always accepted. For instance, in Indonesia, sex education is highly disregarded and considered taboo.
Schools would be the last place for sex education due to the cultural stigma present, despite the benefits where young people can develop an open-minded mindset and proceed to make smart decisions. However, it is never too late to start educating ourselves to form a mentality which acknowledges the severity of sexual exploitation.
There is a multitude of free resources to help educate yourself, starting from a quick Google search or browse on your favourite social media platform. The continuance of learning brings permanent benefits in a short period of time and the cycle of sexual exploitation will slowly be mitigated by tackling the root causes.
This is where we come in- by educating ourselves and teaching others about ingraining respect into our core values, in an attempt to change our attitudes on how we perceive women and their clothing choices. Women are not objects and we do not deserve to be sexualized for our clothes.
Our clothes are not probative of consent. Affirmative and explicit consent is vital. You can withdraw consent at any time. Consent is all about communication and it happens when you are completely sure.
Moving forward, I hope we all learn that women and their clothes are a separate identity which does not define a woman’s personality, lifestyle and is definitely not a symbol of consent.
