Gratitude Friday X: Thank You Rather Than Sorry

Authors: Will Oseroff and Danielle Schoen

In my life, having a positive mindset has been the key to having a positive life, and the way that you speak has so much to do with your mindset.

By going into conversations with others with a negative mindset and speaking negatively, you set yourself up for negative conversations and relationships.

That’s a challenging way to live your life.

However, when you speak to others in positive ways, you can set the tone for a positive conversation and relationships for yourself and the other person.

I haven’t always lived this way. In the past, I was pessimistic, but I kept it to myself. I thought that there wasn’t any harm in thinking negative thoughts as long as I wasn’t speaking negatively and hurting others, because the negative thoughts were just in my head.

With time, I’ve realized that your thoughts — sometimes even more than your words — affect how other people perceive you, perceive conversations with you, and respond to you.

There’s one simple tool that has helped me to change my mindset and positively transform my conversations with others.

I was at a festival in May of 2016 that was filled with music at night and workshops and classes during the day. One of the classes was about “pro-cabulary” — using language to proactively create positivity in our lives and relationships.

There was a lesson at the end that stuck with me. It was very simple. In situations where you’re faced with apologizing to someone, challenge yourself to thank them instead of saying sorry.

A quotidian example is when you’re running late to an important meeting. Instead of hurrying in the door late and saying “I’m so sorry” and offering excuses — which can set a negative tone to start, even if the person says that it’s fine — try to say “thank you.”

Thank the other person for their patience, and let them know how excited you are to meet with them and for the conversation you’re going to have.

In this way, you’re bringing gratitude to the other person and bringing positivity to the entire conversation. It’s an equal value exchange.

You’re giving to them instead of taking away. The other person gave you patience and you gave them thanks and acknowledgement for that, rather than asking them for forgiveness or burdening them with excuses.

Something that simple can change the entire tone of a conversation.

During the festival, I challenged myself to offer others gratitude instead of apologies. It was a simple lesson that I stuck with and have ended up implementing in my life ever since.

Sometimes it’s little changes that, with time, can help to transform your mindset.

I saw this change beginning to impact the individual interactions I was having. As someone who is always late and working on time management, I had a lot of opportunities to practice this new tool of thanking people for their patience instead of apologizing to them.

I immediately saw a positive change in those interactions, and it helped me to change my mindset.

I would enter the room with the intention of gratitude instead of feeling bad and apologetic.

When we take ownership of our individual self-worth, we can enter into our interactions with others with a mindset of confidence and gratitude. We are grateful for the other person’s presence, and recognize that our own presence is equally valuable.

There’s no need to apologize for who we are.

Instead, when we make human mistakes, we can thank the people we care about for being understanding and supportive. We can honor the grace that they’ve given to us by giving them acknowledgement and appreciation. It is an equal and positive exchange.

This new mindset was huge for me. I used to be the type of person who would think really negatively but speak positively, because I thought that it was what you said that mattered most.

I learned that you can say the best things, but if you don’t have positive intentions behind your words then you’re just talking.

This one small strategy isn’t going to be something that is going to change your life in a day. It’s a long process, something that you need to implement throughout your life in order to fully see and understand the benefits. In my life, it is a daily practice that I’ve committed to for the last two years.

I mess up sometimes and slip back into an apologetic mindset, but I’m mindful of that and always come back to gratitude instead.

This lesson has helped me to stay mindful of the way that I speak, act, and give thanks to others. This is a daily strategy that I use to keep gratitude at the forefront of my mind. It is a simple tool that you can use to fortify an attitude of gratitude in your own life and make giving thanks a daily mindfulness practice in your life and in your relationships.

Whether or not this becomes a lifelong mindfulness tool for you in the way that it has for me, I challenge you to say “thank you” the next time that you feel inclined to say “sorry.”

Let us know what it feels like to try giving others the gift of gratitude rather than apologies.

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