The Day I Realized I was a Father

No, I didn’t get to hold my newborn child in my arms just minutes after he was born. I didn’t get to teach him how to roll over, or say his first words. I didn’t have the chance to see him walk or crawl for the first time, and I never got to hear that adorable baby laugh that only kids that young have.

You see, the story of how I became a parent is much different than most, but it’s just as beautiful. You just have to take the time to see why.

In March, I met a woman who from 10,000 miles away wore heartbreak on her face like she was showing off a new tattoo. For those of you who know me, know that if I see someone struggling, I’m going to make it a point to offer any help I can give them.

This woman was a walking description of rubble. She had just left a completely broken relationship with the father of her child, the man that at one point she had planned to spend the rest of her life with… and then here I come. Life, right?

You never plan on completely changing someone’s entire world until you’ve already done it. It’s always too late for you to say “wait, what happened here?” because by that point you’re already knee-deep in this newly found lifestyle you’ve created.

If it wasn’t one thing going wrong with this girl, it was another. But one thing that was shining in her life through all the chaos was this beautiful little boy.

Everyone, meet Isaiah.

See that little guy walking with me? That’s him. He’s going to be seven in December, but I’d bet money that he’s actually going to be 25. He’s so smart, and it’s not the smart you’d hope for. The only muscles that work harder than his brain are the ones in his mouth.

He questions everything. He’s as inquisitive as anyone you’ll ever meet. He always wants the last word, and he rarely takes no for an answer.

He’s basically a spitting image of who I was when I was his age, and resembles me even more now that I’m grown and turning into the man I’m going to be for the rest of my life.

You see, I always had a plan in my head of the type of father I was going to be, and not once has it gone according to that plan since Isaiah and I met.

There’s been a ton of ups, and a ton of downs, and it’s been a crazy ride. But it’s a roller coaster I never want to get off of…and I hate roller coasters.

Stepping in and playing a role you weren’t ready for can be really overwhelming. It can wear you down emotionally, and it can be really difficult to tell a six-year old what you’re really thinking.

But one thing I’ve learned is that you can’t make excuses to kids… they just don’t want to hear it. Excuses get you nowhere with kids… absolutely nowhere.

They just want to be loved, and Isaiah’s no different.

They want someone who can give them real answers to all their crazy questions. They want someone who will just listen to what they think are coherent thoughts, but they’re probably just the product of their wandering, incomplete six-year old mind. They want someone to look at them with the same excitement when they find excitement in the most curious of things.

When I met Isaiah’s mother, I knew in my heart that I wasn’t ready to step in and play the role that was needed for me to play. I had to face that reality. But sometimes you take a leap of faith without wondering for a second if there’s a safe place for you to land at the bottom.

So, I did.

The last six months have been intense. From talking a screaming kid off his emotional ledge, to teaching him table manners, to involving him with other kids his age. It’s been a new world for me, and an entirely new world for him.

I recently signed him up for football as a true last-ditch effort to connect with him on a level we both understood.

Full disclosure: Football is my entire life. I played it from the time I was 11 until High school, and I’ve watched it religiously since I was his age. I’ve always been enamored with everything football has to offer. The passion, the speed, the intensity, the damage; everything.

When I first showed Isaiah the other kids practicing as we were leaving his last soccer camp session, his entire world changed. For the first time since we met, he just looked up to me and said “I HAVE to do that!” So, we let him. To say he’s thriving is an understatement.

He’s arguably the best kid on the team, and without a doubt the biggest. He towers over everyone and dominates in the middle. It’s everything you want to see on the field. But what strikes me the most is how much he truly loves it. How much it means to him to be there for his team and not let them down.

One of the biggest reasons I signed him up for football was to teach him discipline. The situation he came from was broken with no structure and a very bleak long term outlook.

I forced a lot of changes onto Isaiah when we first met because I knew I had to act fast. I’m proud to say that while it hasn’t been entirely smooth sailing, it’s been well worth everything we’ve gone through to get to where we are today.

Listen, I’m no parental expert, I’m far from it. For those of you who know me know that my father was and is as absent and useless as one can be, and I made peace with that a long time ago.

Since the day I knew I needed to step in and help this kid who was just looking to be loved, I’ve just wanted to give him one thing…

That shining light to look up to and feel peace, and guidance, and love.

When he looks up to me, I just want him to feel like he’s…

Always going to be okay.

Because of you Isaiah, I know I’ll always be okay, because you’ve taught me one thing.

You cant ever predict the wind, but you can always direct your sails.

I love you, buddy.