Difference Between a Relationship and a Lover
Which offers the most intimacy and satisfaction?
Author’s note: this post was written in 2016 during a difficult period when my wife and separated — for 3 years. We are now back together (April, 2020)
She asked me, “what’s the difference between a good relationship and a lover?”.
The answer could be complicated! But for me it boils down to something like this:
“A good relationship shares the experience of sexual satisfaction, with a touch of comfort. A lover shares the experience of deep fulfilment, with a touch of excitement.”
(And by the way, I mean “sexual” in its full gambit of intimacy and exploration and safety.)
“But can’t a good relationship include the lover?”, she responded.
Absolutely, a perfect match, a perfect relationship, includes a perfect friend, husband, father, and lover — and soulmate. That’s our dream come true, right?
A relationship is broader and rarely as intense
Having a lover is focused on the thrill and joy of exploring your sexuality and deep intimacy in a mutually judgement-free way. It allows you to explore intimacy in a way which empowers your womanhood and confidence.
You feel totally sexually fulfilled, and happy to be with your lover. It has a small, exciting element of risk because it is so intimate — the thrill of risk.
A lover holds you, caresses you, touches you, kisses you, runs his fingers through your hair while talking about things like this.
Having a “relationship” satisfies broader requirements and expectations, some of which require compromises including sexual compromises.
This is not a failure of a “relationship” it is just a different focus.
All successful relationships have to include aspects of being a lover. But it is rarely as focused and intense and open and sexually liberating, and generally lacks the excitement of risk.
How would you explain the difference between a relationship and a lover?
If you enjoyed this post then you might also enjoy my Secret purpose of meditation is to help you escape your addiction to neuroticism and Mindful Passion, Poise and Posture and Not Minding Leads to Confidence, Not Caring to Disengagement and Depression and Optimism is important but it is not the choice between it and pessimism that will help you succeed
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I’m Walter. I write articles on fitness, health, and motivation for men and women over 50. However, curiosity is my main distinction. I’ve been lucky enough to have experienced a bolt of lightning hitting me in Korea, crash landing in a 747 (LAX), being sucked into a thundercloud at 4,000m in a sailplane (Australia), jumping freefall from 3,000m on my 1st ever parachute jump (Florida), and two different lethal cancers. In 2000 I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes which sparked my interested in exercise, nutrition, motivation and cognitive fitness. University qualified in mathematical statistics, and computing science (Masters); have a professional diploma in sports nutrition; certified social media strategist. Feel free to message/email me with any comments, questions, or collaboration ideas. Blog: walteradamson.com
