Quick to Anger | The BodyMind Connection

Almost everyone gets angry in their personal lives and at the workplace, at least occasionally. When handled well anger isn’t a big problem. But it can be a huge problem when an employee is easily offended and moves rapidly into rages. A person who is quick to anger reacts so strongly to a perceived insult or provocation that they often say or do something they later regret. If this is the case with you, BodyMind awareness can help you learn to make choices at difficult times that you end up feeling good about, rather than ashamed and inadequate.

It can be hard to believe that no one can force you to be angry. The truth is, how you choose to respond to a particular experience determines whether you become angry. Anger can give the illusion that there’s no choice in the matter, but there is, and your body can help.

When you’re triggered, vitriol and aggression seem justified. There is an intense shift in your body — a strong physical sensation that is vastly different from the feeling just before you were triggered.

A typical pattern goes something like this:

1. Someone corrects you, talks over you, ignores you
2. You feel a twinge of anger in your body
3. Almost instantly you become very angry
4. Feeling justified, you verbally attack or behave aggressively
5. Your powerful feelings of indignation and anger last awhile
6. Eventually, the strong feelings diminish and you experience regret, shame, and feelings of inadequacy

A. Tune In

1. Get a sense of your body — what the experience of your body feels like to you (see Basic Body Awareness for examples).
2. Pay attention when you tense up. Notice what your body feels like when you’re tense. What physical signals can you recognize?
3. Check out what your body feels like when you’re relaxed. What does ‘relaxed’ feel like? How do you know you’re relaxed?
4. Compare the difference between your states of tension and ease. Tension physically feels very different from ease.
5. Practice noticing and identifying the differences in your body in these two very different states of being. Distinguishing between these two is essential to making use of BodyMind awareness in situations that trigger you. If it’s hard to do, hang in there. This is hard but well worth the trouble.

B. Explore

1. Notice what brings about feelings of tension or ease in you. This includes specific types of situations, specific individuals, specific topics, or anything else that elicits feelings of tension or ease in your body.
2. See if there’s a pattern. For example, “Every time I meet with this team I feel tense.” Or, “Whenever I enter an empty room, I relax.” Or, “At family gatherings, I feel relaxed, but as soon as Cousin Patty starts talking politics I tense up.”
3. In each instance, feel your body. Constantly check in — What am I feeling right now? Stay tied to the physical feelings in your body.

C. Anticipate

1. Now that you know certain situations and individuals that evoke tension or ease in your body, watch for it. To use my example, look ahead to your next meeting with the team that creates tension for you. Expect to feel tension in the meeting before you even join it. Anticipation might defuse the tension a little, but not necessarily — what’s important is that you anticipate the tension and observe your body in that meeting.
2. In the same way, watch for when your body relaxes. Again, using my example, before you walk into an empty room, anticipate relaxing when you enter. And see what happens.
3. Notice the effect on your body (if there is one) when you anticipate your habitual response before you enter a situation. Notice if it changes or stays the same. It’s all useful information.

Tune In, Explore, and Anticipate all prepare you for the practice of the next strategy, which I call Reflect. This is the central, transformational BodyMind exercise for changing how you relate to triggers that habitually push you towards out-of-control anger. This takes time, patience, and practice.

D. Reflect -Recall a time when something irked you and you quickly became angry.

1. See if you can remember what your body felt like after the angry feelings subsided. What was the physical sensation when it was over? What emotions did you feel?
2. Can you remember what your body felt like when you were in the middle of your anger?
3. Back up a little further and see if you can recall the feeling of your body just before you were triggered. What was your emotional state then?
4. This one might be a little trickier — see if you can remember the feeling of the very beginning of the trigger — the earliest sensation before becoming really angry, possibly a twinge. That sensation and your ability to identify it is the key. There was a slight, subtle beginning of a change in your body before you actually leapt to anger. Find the memory of this sensation and memorize it! Because the next time it appears you want to recognize it and choose an option other than rushing to anger.

This takes some effort — but once you can identify the earliest body signal of anger, you can then consider: I know that if I continue I will do something I regret. This makes it possible to step back and calm down before responding, or if necessary to remove yourself from the situation.

If you work with these ideas you will probably first notice this process — for example, insult, twinge, anger, self-righteousness, and shame — after it’s long over. You’ll look back and realize, “Oh my god, I did it again! And I didn’t catch it!” You’ll realize you’ve repeated your pattern after the fact but over time you’ll realize closer and closer to the event until you notice immediately after. All of this feels terrible, so be ready for that.

At some point, you are likely to notice it when you are in the throes of the outburst and that is the worst. Because when you’re in it, you can’t stop — you can be in it, know you’re in it, and not be able to get out of it. I call this the pits of the transformation process.

Bringing BodyMind awareness to anger that feels unmanageable can save your job. People do get fired for anger that is out of control. Body signals offer a tangible, solid tool for meaningful change.

A volatile temper can be dangerous. Extreme anger has roots and it can be important to work with a skilled professional such as a coach, therapist or bodyworker to help you understand the underpinnings of this tendency and to make productive changes.

We Want to Hear from You! Let us know which of these tips work and do not work for you, ask a question or please leave a comment!

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