Where Are My Elbows? | The BodyMind Connection
When your child has gotten too excited to contain all their energy and they aren’t responding to your best efforts to calm them down, you might start to feel a bit frantic as well. Here’s what to do:
- First, feel your own feet on the ground, and then say something like, “Hey, bud, stop for just a second! Hold on! See if you can stop — just for a moment.”
2. Once he’s stopped moving you may have to really be ‘on it’ because your little guy might not stop for very long (by ‘not moving’ I do not mean holding still, but no longer charging around). As soon as he stops, say, “Don’t look, but can you tell me if your knees are bent?…or straight?” Here’s a list of other possible suggestions to ask:
- elbows sticking out or down by your sides?
- shoulders up or down?
- hands are in fists, or open?
- tummy is pushing out, or is it relaxed?
- toes are scrunched up or flat?
- weight is on one foot or on both feet?
- head is straight or tilted?
3. One of the following three things will happen:
A. Your child stops and says, “Bent” or “Straight” or whatever, and stays in place. It’s ok if he takes a pose, or drops to the floor. Just continue with the game as if he’d stopped in place.
- If this happens ask another question from the list.
- Go through at least three questions from the list. The second and third questions can start with, “Are your…” e.g. Are your shoulders up? Or down?
- If two questions clearly calm him down, the third question can be something you actually need to know like, “Do you want the chili or the pasta?” “Do you want to put your shoes on yourself or do you want me to put them on you?”
B. Your child answers, “Bent!” (or whatever) and races off.
- If this happens, start from the beginning with, “Hey, let’s see if you can do that again, stop again for just a moment,” and proceed to ask another question about his body position.
- Go through at least three questions.
- Same as c) above.
C. Your child is simply unable to stop momentarily.
- If this is the case, try Playing Where Are My Elbows? at a time when your child is more calm and receptive. Once the game is more familiar they may be able to stop and pay attention even when they’re overstimulated.
- You can also talk to your child about the game when they’re calm. Say something like, “You know how sometimes you get really wound up and race all over the house? And don’t really know how to slow yourself down?” Wait for a response, of course. At some point say, “I know a game that can help so the next time that happens, we can play that game.”
4. Take your cues from what your child is doing to determine what questions you will ask. Are they standing with their hands on their hips? Head cocked to one side? Hands clenched in fists? I always asked about different body parts from one game to the next to keep it interesting.
5. Do not ask questions like, “Is your shirt red or blue?” or tell your child, “Bend your right elbow.” These will get them thinking rather than feeling and the whole purpose of this is to get them into their body, not their head.
6. When asking the body part question, pause after the body part and the position, such as, “Are your shoulders — pause — up? — pause — or down?” so it doesn’t all run together and confuse your child. This gives your child a chance to register each of the different parts of the request and makes it easier to respond.
7. Go through this as many times as you need, as long as your child is staying with it. In my experience, three times is the charm, but every child is unique, and anything is possible.
When you help your child tune into their body when they’re on overdrive, you are also teaching them how to calm themselves down when you aren’t around. Every time you play this game, you are helping your child to build on that skill.
Please let me know how Where Are My Elbows works for you! I’d love to hear how you change the game or if you try it pretty much as I describe, and how your child responds!
We Want to Hear from You! Let us know which of these tips work and do not work for you, ask a question or please leave a comment!
