Ordering In-N-Out by Chapter and Verse
Eating at In-N-Out has always been a religious experience for me, but today, to mix things up when ordering lunch, I tried making my order by number, but not In-N-Out’s traditional #1, #2, or #3 system.
I got myself
- a Nahum 1:7
- a Revelation 3:20 with cheese
- two Proverbs 24:16s
- two John 3:16s
- and a Chocolate Proverbs 3:5.
“What?!” you ask. “I’m all too aware of In-N-Out’s ‘Secret menu’ and have heard of a 4x4 and even a mythical 20x20, but what is a Nahum 1:7?!”
In-N-Out aficionados have probably noticed that the company prints references to Bible verses with just the book, chapter, and verse on their burger wrappers, fry containers, and on the bottom of their cups, so why not order this way as well?
For those not in-the-know, here’s the “translation” to help make your next meal more religious than it already was:
Products and Bible Verses
- Burger and cheeseburger wrappers:
Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.
- Beverage cups:
For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
- Milkshake cups:
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
— Proverbs 3:5
- Double-Double wrapper:
The LORD is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in him.
— Nahum 1:7
- Fry container:
For though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again, but the wicked are brought down by calamity.
— Proverbs 24:16
I’ll note a few interesting things:
- The verse for the hamburger is about dining together with others — this is always important.
- If you substitute the product the wrappers contain for the words “Lord,” “God,” and “Son,” there is certain sense of poetic verisimilitude in the new verses: their shakes apparently have a heavenly thickness, the double-double sounds like it will fill you up, and the sugary sodas will give you everlasting life. I wonder what would happen if we transubstantiated a hamburger bun?
Animal Style Anyone?
Now if only there were a special chapter and verse for getting my burger “animal style!”
Genesis 7:2 perhaps?
Of every clean beast thou shalt take to thee by sevens, the male and his female: and of beasts that are not clean by two, the male and his female.
This might be far preferable to Exodus 22:19:
Whoever lies with an animal shall be put to death.
But let’s be honest, with all the fat, salt, sugar, and cholesterol in a good-ol’ traditional #1, I’m going to die sooner than later whether it comes animal style or not.
I’m curious how many In-N-Out employees know their product so well that they can take orders this way?
This article was originally published at BoffoSocko.com.