Downward Dog on a rollercoaster
So this is not going to be about yoga…nor about amusement parks, although i love them both equally. The trigger to this post was a conversation with my dad, who recently visited us in Berlin, about living abroad and work-life balance.
As it is the custom in France, the conversation turned into debate-mode very quickly and everyone had to chose a ‘camp’. In the role of…himself…we have my dad: think 60something, recently retired civil servant, lived all his life in same neighbourhood, communist family background, work matters but so does time to pursue personal interests and passions. On the other side, we have team Emma & Simon (me and my husband): think digital advertising executives, international, ‘career driven?’, ‘opportunistic?’, day to day job is to anticipate the needs of ‘global consumers’ and worry about things like how the digital revolution is impacting their lives. Ok everyone ready to become caricatures of yourselves…ready, steady… go!
The conversation started off with my dad mentioning he would have loved to run a restaurant at some point in his life, and me being like: ‘Hey why don’t you do it now?’ Him: ‘n’importe quoi!’ Me: ‘no but seriously, why not? You can’t die with regrets! Just start with a prototype’ (i know, i was on fire). ‘Un quoi?’. Then we transitioned to work, never staying in your comfort zone, why our daughter will learn coding next year etc. until Dad:“Well, it’s maybe good for you but it’s not for everyone, a lot of people are happy living a simple life, with a 9 to 5 job in a small town, enjoy the week-end, have an nice enough house and that’s it.” That was the perfect trigger for a combined attack : ‘Well in 2018, is it really safe to stay in your city your all life? Then what happens when your factory closes down or the Chinese takeover? Or when a robot comes to do your job?? (yes…we are big on ‘ Chinese taking over’ since…well the Chinese are taking over and robots…obviously.)
At some point, we got tired of arguing and moved on to cheese and dessert. We did not convince my dad, we merely managed to set him up on Tinder the next day (baby steps).
So where am i going with this anecdote? I guess my dad is not the best example, he’s safe from ‘the Chinese’ and should probably just continue to enjoy his retirement…But it still raises questions for people from our generation and the upcoming ones, about…
…how to thrive in ‘The new world”?
Me and my husband share the same love for exploring new horizons, ‘collecting’ cities and experiences, and immersing ourselves in new environments. Although we don’t do it in the same way, we are quite aligned on our ‘world exploration’ strategy. When we met in London in 2008, our favourite week-end activity was to make lists of cities to live in— I don’t know it’s just something we do — and it translated into our first move to Shanghai.
In a way, our decisions have always worked out pretty well with the ‘Zeitgeist’. Looking back, it could even look like it was all carefully orchestrated — (or maybe it was, i just didn’t know — did i mention i’m not the planner in our relationship?) We leave London and the riots start in Camden Town, one street away from my old flat; We leave Shanghai, and boom, new visa restrictions for foreigners and VPNs blocked. It’s very tempting to look at those signs as validators for our choices and make it a ‘sport’ to try and live at the right time, in the right place, based on market needs and job opportunities.
Is this how we make choices? No…and yes a little bit. We are not the backpackers type, moving country is not something we take lightly, we’re seeking dynamic places and going somewhere where our experiences and skills meet a certain ‘interest’ is a pre-requisite. But we both have made all important decisions based on very personal needs at different stages of life.
Moving to London in the midst of the financial crisis in 2008 was not ‘the clever thing’, but my guts told me that was exactly what i had to do; Moving to China satisfied a lifelong craving for exotic adventures; Coming to Germany was driven by the wish to bring our daughter closer to her grandparents, we followed our heart, as maybe a more opportunistic view would have seen us exploring newer developing countries, or even staying in China…Right now, we are just settling in Berlin, we’re very happy here, and we don’t have plans to move anytime soon. Does that mean we will stay here until the end of times, i wouldn’t bet on that…
Well this is all fine and dandy, but not everyone wants to change country every 3 years. What about stability? family? security?
All of those are essential human needs…and believe it or not, we do have them too. I’m not saying that everything is always easy for us, far from it! Adapting to new countries, cultures, jobs is every time a new journey that takes lots of effort, adjustment and time.
But, speaking for myself, those experiences have helped me find new ways to meet my needs.
A safety net over ‘security’? If you look at security in a traditional sense — for example in the french context — it may involve job security (a permanent contract in a solid firm), free public healthcare, public pension plan etc. then our life is definitely on the risky side. But we are now used to be ‘mobile’ at a global scale, and we trust that we are able, as a family, to adapt and find happiness, fulfilment and friends wherever we will go. For me, this feels like having a safety net, if the situation requires it, we can always move and find green pastures elsewhere and we’ll be fine.
Consistency over stability? This is such an important topic for me, something I’m still grappling with at each big transition. Moving a lot and living ‘expat style’ comes with its load of uncertainties and changes. It’s very easy to go with the flow and lose tracks of some of the things that keep you sane and grounded. Having solid routines and habits, knowing yourself and your needs and have a system to maintain them in times of chaos is crucial. I feel like being able to stay consistent ‘in motion’ is more relevant today than staying anchored to a place, situation or thoughts.
Family…extended to community? Anyone who just landed in a new foreign city knows the feeling of loneliness. For me personally, as someone on the more introvert side of the spectrum, i have never really suffered from phases of solitude, i actually need them to recharge and build my own relationship with a new place. However, making friends and feeling connected to people around you is a necessity sooner or later. When you live abroad, this longing is so strong that people easily take initiatives to create groups, communities, meetups. So the structures are often there to welcome outsiders. That’s also why expats come up with all sorts of labels like ‘Framily (=Friends Family), ‘Shamily(=Shanghai Family used to make us laugh a lot). Spending so much time with people and the intensity that comes from sharing those somehow ‘extraordinary’ experiences do create special bonds.
And then of course, social media have made it so much easier for global bohemians to keep in touch with our real family. I never talked to my mum as much as when i was in China.
Redesigning the quest for happiness
So just like we had to find new ways to find our balance abroad, I believe that today’s global/digital/fast changing world requires a redefinition of the ways we traditionally think about meeting some of our most crucial needs. It’s not about ignoring them and turning humans into soulless agents servicing progress at any cost ; It’s about extending the possibilities of how each individual might fulfil their needs and find happiness, balance and success.
So here are some of the questions i want to lay here and try to explore in this blog : How to maintain a Downward Dog on a rollercoaster? How to be both mobile & connected to your roots? How to be flexible whist staying true to yourself and your values? How to find success for yourself and help the community? How to keep your independence in the midst of all those moving forces? And how could companies / organisations / governments help us achieve all of this?
What makes me really excited about all those topics, is that everyday i’m discovering and meeting people who are innovating and moving the status quo to make more sense of it all, so i’m confident that 2018 will be a year of solutions and action.
