How to become Captain Fantastic?
I hadn’t been so enchanted by a movie in a long time. I mean, how not to be touched by the grace of this contemporary tale, the flamboyant range of greens of the Pacific Northwest forests, the colorfulness of this family of ‘Philosopher Kings’, Viggo Mortensen as a dad (heu, yes please!).
Obviously I’m no film critic, but the movie made me laugh and cry at the same time and I’m at my third viewing in 2 weeks, which did not happen since Eternal Sunshine so that deserves a thousand claps.
Should i briefly explain the plot? Ben and his wife have decided to raise their 6 children ‘off the grid’. They live in the woods, hunt and grow their own food, follow a carefully curated homeschooling curriculum filled with literary, history and science classics, speak several foreign languages and follow an intense physical and spiritual training regimen. Until one day this little bubble gets blowed into the ‘real world’ as their mum dies and they take off in the family schoolbus to join the funeral on a ‘mission rescue mummy’, discover ‘cola’ (= ‘poisonned water’), video games, supermarkets and their grandparent’s huge mansion(=‘an unethical display of wealth’).
My initial intention was to highlight education ‘takeaways’ as a follow up to my recent article about ‘Parenting in the Digital Age’ since the movie offers an abundance of beautiful ideas. I love the ‘missions’, the critical thinking lessons from the dad are magistral, ‘Interesting’ as illegal word made me chuckle.
It’s this kind of performance that brings you inspiration and beauty, but also painfully pins on your contradictions and weaknesses.
Of course i want to be ‘Captain Fantastic’, i want to grow my own food, quietly read books with the all family around a bonfire while my husband plays guitar and suddenly it turns into a jam session. Still…my day to day looks pretty much like the opposite, so i wouldn’t be so credible going on about hunting deers, while i’m struggling to keep a pot of basil alive on my balcony, would I?
Needs vs Desires
The thing is, I feel like if I really want to live more like Ben, the easiest way is to actually go live in the woods, which i know sounds like pointless thinking since it’s not gonna happen, but our society, system and day to day life is relying on such an unhealthy and unsustainable set of concepts that getting out of it feels like having to untangle yourself from a web you’ve been enthusiastically crocheting around you for decades. It’s hard and takes time to say the least.
Right now, my way to get ‘more real’ is to do more things myself, starting with cooking, huge step after 5 years of daily food deliveries in Shanghai. Since i cook more, i’m also much more conscious about nutrition, seasonality, provenance and slowly try to make more and more conscious choices. It also naturally brings me to think more about waste and plastic use ; but between gaining consciousness and acting consistenly in the right way everyday forever, there are and will be a lot of setbacks and ‘fuck it’ moments.
I recently bumped into a really insightful interview of french author/teacher Daniel Pennac, who urges parents to bring children what they ‘need’ and not what they ‘desire’. This is so true but how can i look at my daughter in the eyes and tell her she cannot always get what she wants and that she needs to be reasonable, when i live in an abondance of things and services ‘at my fingertip’.
Right now for instance, as i’m writing this post, i’m enjoying a delicious “Iced Rosmarin Latte” on a terrace on Kollwitzstrasse, that naturally came with a plastic straw — and for complete honnesty’s sake, i even ordered 2 Latte, for feeling guilty that i’ve been sitting at the same table for about 2.5 hours, as a couple of real mummys of Prenzlauerberg are pacing back and forth on the sidewalk lurking at my spot, Boogaboo stroller in one hand and baby in the other desperate to sit, breastfeed and take a break from being a perfect, skinny, healthy, glowing, blond, stylish, patient, caring mum. Seriously, how do they do that? That deserves a dedicated study. Anyways head down, i’m not moving, i’m in the flow — but i guess you see my point about needs and desires.
Adult world vs children world
I think a major paradigm that ruled my childhood in France, and that i think is influencing the french education style a lot, is a separation between the two worlds of ‘adults’ and ‘childrens’. When i first took my daughter to Britanny to visit my mum, she had thoughtfully prepared a little ‘space’ (=cage) for my daughter to ‘sit and play’, while us, adults, would enjoy our coffee and converse. Of course she never wanted to stay in the cage, she’d rather explore and be with us, which was perceived by my mum as a ‘trespassing’ and welcomed with a comment about how as children we were such ‘perfect kids’, well behaved, ‘sages’ which can be translated as ‘bored’. I know there needs to be limits and respect between children and adults, but isn’t it more a question of respect between people in general?
In Captain Fantastic’s tribe there is only one world, the world of children is the same as the adults, they have the same power to express themselves, change things, every topic is discussed openly, even death or sex and the same rules apply to everyone. That’s the main point for me, i don’t believe in this ‘two tear’ family and for that matter, if there a is universe to learn from, it’s probably the children’s.
“Au fond je n’ai jamais aimé les adaptés, ceux qui s’acclimatent à une realité carencée. J’ai toujours raffolé des furieux qui ont le courage de rêver les yeux ouverts et de rebattre les cartes avec fierté”.
(Deep down, i never liked those who fit in, those who accomodate to a flawed reality. I always revered the fools with the courage to dream eyes wide open and reshuffle the cards with pride.)
Alexandre Jardin, Les coloriés
Humans vs nature?
The last dimension that struck me in ‘Captain Fantastic’ is the deep connection the family has with nature. As i look back at my own childhood, undisputedly the memories that stick the most are those of hiking in the french Alps, wilderness camping in Britanny, washing ourselves in a water spring on the beach, spending time at my grandparents the all day in the garden, making herbariums, feeding the hens and collecting their warm eggs, gathering strawberries and rhubarb for my grandma to bake pies.
Coming from the Shanghai’s concrete jungle, this need to reconnect with nature has grown stronger and stronger for me over the past years, and it echoes very well to a chapter from Elizabeth Guilbert’s “Big Magic” i just finished.
She refers to an environmental studies teacher who urges her students to ask themselves the two following questions ‘Do you love nature?’ and ‘Do you think Nature loves you in return’? Realising that modern societies have ‘lost the constant conversation with the earth’. Although the book is not focused on nature, but rather on creativity and inspiration, i like the way she thinks about the relationship between us humans and ‘ideas’ like little elves floating in the sky looking for a good human partner to work with to express itself into the world ; the same way, nature is here, all around us, in the trees, in the sky, in an apple, in our bodies, and is looking for human partners to play with and express its infinite creativity.
‘Un jour il nous faudra répondre à notre véritable vocation, qui n’est pas de produire et de consommer jusqu’à la fin de nos vies, mais d’aimer, d’admirer et de prendre soin de la vie sous toutes ses formes’.
(One day we will have to fullfill our true destiny, which is not to produce and consume until the end of our life, but to love, admire and take care of life in all its forms.)
Pierre Rabhi
