On the reverse culture shock
‘Living with reverse culture shock’ is the title of a video produced by Shanghai based stand-up comedians collective Mamahuhu. An expat coming back to the US after a long stay in China finds himself confronted with the reality of going back to his home country and the many cultural frictions it can generate. Having lived in Shanghai myself, i found it hilariously accurate and it made me want to reflect on my personal experience coming back to Europe a year ago.
The pace of things
Arriving in Germany from Shanghai felt a bit like when you’re at the airport on one of those moving walkways, suddenly you come to the end, your legs continue to walk fast, but it feels like you’re going backwards for a second…
The least you can say about Shanghai is that it’s a fast paced city, full of energy. There are many breathtaking time-lapse videos showing the incredible development of the city from a fishing village to a world megalopolis. My 5 years stay only, saw the Shanghai Skyline augmented by the gargantuan Shanghai Tower, second tallest building in the world ; our local neighbourhood changed dramatically, with luxurious malls erupting from the ground, built in record times by armies of workers on bamboo sticks and stores, restaurants or coffee-shops would come and go, literally overnight. This speed also transpired in work and day to day life and although it never ceased to astound me, it had become the new normal.
In my first weeks in Germany, the time-lapse kind of turned into slow motion — getting an appointment to get the one official document you-cannot-do-anything-else-without = 2 months ; getting a social insurance = 4 months ; getting my daughter into kindergarten = 10 months. It has been a great training in patience and letting go…Not that Berlin is a slow paced city, it’s a very vibrant place with a strong art and startup culture, but not in the same ‘show-off’, decadent way than China…So just like at the airport, it’s been a matter of adjusting my velocity to this new environment and i have to say i’m actually enjoying walking on more solid ground, at my own rhythm.
The rules…less negotiable
Local laws and rules in China are hardly accessible to you as a foreigner so there is a certain level of tolerance around making small harmless mistakes, and even ‘hard-coded’ rules can show flexibility — you always hear the story of someone being able to get access to a ‘forbidden place’ or getting a red stamp at the last minute right before being ‘invited’ out of the country for a visa renewal. ‘Guanxi’ (meaning relationships/network), and/or money will usually do this for you.
Traffic is another good example of fuzzy rules. The first day i drove my electric Vespa to work in the streets of the former french concession, i thought i was going to die. Thousands of bicycles and cars were racing for dear life, families of four packed on one rusty motorcycle with toddlers standing in the front and cages of chickens approximately fixed to the racks. It looked like pure chaos…With time i realised that there were ‘conventions’, just unwritten, it was a game of daring, horn honking and giving priority to whoever is bigger than you. Easy. (proof is i’m still here to testify)
Fast forward to my first week in Berlin, i’m strolling down the sidewalk in Prenzlauerberg, it’s a quiet day, with barely no car around. At an empty crossroad, after having looked 3 times in all directions, i decide to cross at the red light, when a cyclist passing nearby abruptly stops her bike, frantically clings the bell, and yells “ASOZIAL!!!”. Asozial seems to be one of the biggest insults in Germany, it describes someone very rude, with inappropriate behaviour who doesn’t give a damn about the rest of society. Rude? me? for crossing at a red light? really? oh come on! Like it or not, it immediately sends a message that rules matter here and that Guanxi will not help me with ‘beginners mistakes’ this time around.
The need for a wallet
I have an OCD thing with coins…if i touch a coin, i have to run to the nearest bathroom to wash my hands like a crazy person, or else i’ll be spending the rest of the day resisting the temptation to smell my fingers every 5 minutes (I know…gross…). My last year in china has seen the explosion of super-app WeChat, on which Chinese people do just about EVERYTHING…chat, date, pay electricity bills, buy coffee, book movie tickets, send money to a friend, pay for a banana in the shop down the street, i could leave my house without a wallet, and be sure to go through the day paying all i needed with my phone. I loved it. Berlin, weirdly enough, is pretty much a cash affair, where a lot of places don’t even accept cards, so i am back in the old world with my 2 cents dirty coins in the pocket.
The — fill in the blank — ‘guy’
Another paradox of the expat life in China, the simplest task could be mission impossible — find a plumber, try to make sense of local legislation for setting up a business — so there was always a “guy” to do it for you (or a “lady” for that matter). Those precious contacts where carefully traded among the expat community : The suit guy, the bags guy, the babysitter girl, the Iphone fixing guy and the most populars of all, the ayi and the fapiao guy (I’ll explain in a later post). Accessible through Wechat in 2 clicks, they would often instantly resolve all your problems and help you navigate the city — almost — like a local.
Here, i don’t have no guys! Of course you can get help from local governments or professionals when you settle in, but since we are not in a completely different universe, you are expected to do your fair part of research work yourself and the need for a ‘sherpa’ is not really a standard.
The expat culture
The expat community in Shanghai is pretty much concentrated in a couple close neighbourhoods — between Jing-an and the Old French Concession. This is where we lived, worked and met with our friends. After work, we usually went for drinks on Anfu Lu, on the week-end we’d have brunch at Maya or Mr Willis and with the first rays of sunshine, we’d hangout on ‘Yongkang Lu’ at the Café des Stagiaires. Being so far away from home as well as knowing that it was just for a limited time made connections quicker and friendships more intense.
There is a big international crowd in Berlin too, but it’s much more spread out across the city, and a lot of people are here for the longer hall and more immersed in the local culture. So I have the feeling making friends in Berlin is more a long term venture, that takes more effort and getting out of your way to meet people and build relationships — and probably improving my german will help.
That said, i may be particularly lucky since i have already made great friends here, first through my neighbours community which i love, and also connecting with other women entrepreneurs, joining creative communities and getting a glimpse into the startup world by hanging-out at the Factory Berlin kitchen once in a while. The parents from our Daughter’s Kita have also been incredibly inclusive and help us feel welcome, so i’ll finish this -very long- post by a thankful poke to all of the incredible people I’ve met this year.
I will continue to write about my discoveries as time passes, But i would love to hear from you! Did you experience the reverse culture shock when you went back home or moved country? Feel free to share your funny stories, anecdotes, cultural faux-pas in the comments below!
