Ode to Online Dating
On the interwebs I place my fate
To find a kind + smart + fit + rich + tall date.
I sign up for sites
And hope for some bites
Ah, the desperate search for a mate.
So many questions are on my mind
As I browse all of lonely mankind
Will we match, relate
And concatenate?
Or to my sweet charms will he be blind?
Too hip for E-Harmony or Match
I look through Tinder (or Grindr’s) batch
It’s like hot or not
Quick hook-ups are sought
Swipe to the right and hope for a catch.
Okay, Cupid, there’s PlentyofFish
Sites that cater to my ev’ry wish
JDate for a Jew
Shaadi, Manhunt, too
And Positive Singles’ petri dish.
Grouper lets friends be partners in crime
I can lunch to social ladder climb
Or Skout on my phone
When I’m travel prone
Speed dating works when I’m short on time.
Overwhelmed, I try HowAboutWe
And hope ‘ball game’ will respond to me
Will my bagel mix
With his caffeine fix?
Will we share laughs and find Chemistry?
He messages back. We set a date.
“Yay!” I scream aloud, he took the bait!
But then the night sucks.
We both spent huge bucks
Only to go home, lone, to deflate.
And by now I’m so tired of dating
The baiting, the waiting, the mating
Wanna be alone
In my pers’nal zone
Just reading, writing, and vibrating.
But I know the dates will start again
In months (years!?) to come I’ll churn through men
The search and the find →
fall → love → end → rewind
fall → love → end → rewind
fall → love → end → rewind
Does our quest for true love ever end?
