My Husband Is a Game Addict?
Here is a story of a non-gamer wife who happened to write a book about gaming. It would provide a question that makes you look back your days with husband, “Do you ever look at your husband while he’s gaming and think he’s a little pathetic?”
The World Health Organization (WHO) recognized gaming disorder as a mental health condition in May of this year. There was a tendency to look down on people who engaged in excessive gaming and write them off as game addicts, but there is now an official medical term to describe their condition. Opinions as to whether this term will be adopted locally and the effects it will have differ by industry. The gaming industry is concerned about the self-esteem of gamers and the possibility of addiction tax, while the medical industry and parents seem to welcome the change. As a non-gamer, you’d think I’d just watch from the sidelines but somehow I ended up writing a book about the issue.
It all started with my husband. My husband of two years plays games for approximately 4 hours a day. He usually gets home at around 9pm and he sits in front of the computer from then until around 1–2am. He doesn’t play games the whole time. Sometimes he watches gaming videos on Youtube and Twitch. Based on my relatively loose observation, besides the time he’s working, meeting people, and sleeping, my husband spends most of his time gaming or watching others play games. He spends roughly 35 hours a week on games including the weekends.
MBC’s <100 Minute Debate> aired the episode <Gaming addiction, is it a disorder or a stereotype?> right before the WHO ruling. One panelist’s unfounded and deprecating comments about gamers went viral in the online community. I saw my husband get genuinely outraged while he explained what was happening. That’s when I realized just how passionate he was about gaming.
We tend to spend our time separately even if we’re in the house together. It’s not that I’m understanding about my husband’s gaming habits but rather, indifferent. I once tried to learn how to game to share in his hobby when we first met. But playing the games that my husband enjoyed such as <Battleground>, <Overwatch>, and <League of Legends> was far from fun for me. The games I would dabble in were matching games that even kindergarteners could play but the games my husband played had graphics that were so flashy they made me nauseous, and the controls were too complicated. To me, games were merely something I played when I was bored and had too much time on my hands, but they were an extremely important part of my husband’s life. I started to plan a book of interviews because I thought writing a book about gaming would make a thoughtful gift for my husband. I also had an abstract idea that maybe a gaming book would sell well since there were so many gamers, but after publishing my book, that idea turned out to be just that; abstract. I interviewed a total of 8 people while planning the book. They included industry professionals such as game developers, youtubers, and professors, and well as three regular gamers including my husband.
What exactly is so fun?
I usually spend my time in the living room while my husband plays games in his game room. I can hear what goes on in the room even when he has the door closed. He talks to other gamers through his headphones while he plays. I can roughly tell what’s going on by the tone of his voice. I used to get frightened and wonder if something was up when he would suddenly shout, but I now just assume that he must be in some sort of trouble in the game.
What about gaming draws users in so much? My husband enjoys watching TV, movies, and anime but he refers to watching these kinds of content as “the act of passively observing the product of someone else’s labor.” Games on the other hand, especially multiplayer games, present different situations and results every time they’re played, which gives the player a sense of control. K, a game developer of 21 years, says that games have a far more powerful ability to draw people in than conventional text or video content because they are built for interaction using the latest technology. But the adrenaline rush that you get from playing games isn’t the only reason gamers get into gaming. My husband’s gaming friend E said “When I feel suffocated by the world around me and I feel helpless, admiring the beautiful graphics and listening to the soothing sounds of a game soothes my soul.” She is a female gamer who enjoys single player games as well as multiplayer games and appreciates them as an art form.
Many people still think games are a waste of time. My husband’s response to people like that is “Then what isn’t?” He retorts that games may seem like a waste of time to people who are focused on social success but this isn’t the case for people like him who value the time they spend enjoying their hobbies. L, CEO of on and offline big games developing company, said “Most people listen to music without any kind of grand purpose. They listen because it makes them feel good.” He went on to say that there’s nothing wrong with feeling good which is why gaming shouldn’t be looked down on as a waste of time.
But what about the children?
Although the amount of time may differ from person to person, the time adults spend on gaming can be justified under the guise of having a hobby. But it isn’t easy watching a child who should be focusing on their studies become addicted to games. As a parent, you want your child to spend a little time playing games after they’ve finished all their studies, but most children don’t have that much self-control. In fact, coming to an agreement as to how much studying is enough in itself is difficult.
All of my interviewees were people who had been gaming since they were young and most of them admitted that they spent less time on their studies because of gaming. But my husband asserts “I doubt I would have spent more time studying at the library if I hadn’t spent all that time on a computer. I would have just done something else to have fun.” Personal trainer P, who played games for 10 hours a day in his teenage years, said “I didn’t know why I had to study. I didn’t want to become an office worker. To this day, I’ve never regretted not having studied much.” He said it’s important for the child to come to a realization themselves. They may become more rebellious if their parents or teachers try to force them to give up gaming.
Game developer K says one of the reasons why teenagers are so crazy about games is because of “their desire to be good at something.” He says that games are designed so that everyone can win at least once, which is why it’s easy for children to feel a sense of accomplishment while playing them. Big games developer L says the “clear feedback for each character” plays a role in making people lose themselves in games. Your growth in games is proportionate to your effort and you always have a chance to go back and fix something if you aren’t happy with the result. Momentary choices don’t make or break you like they do in exams and you can always try again if you fail. The world in games is safer and more reliable than the reality our children live in. That’s why they feel a sense of happiness and comfort while gaming.
A professor working for a governmental organization that was tasked with conducting a survey regarding the current state of addiction to digital contents, including games, stressed that “children who are addicted to games and the internet have lost all sense of self-control and we need to get to the root cause to treat them.” He said that we need to figure out what the child is struggling with, be it their relationships with their parents or friends or the pressure to study, and resolve those issues. If we only focus on treating the symptoms of cell phone and game addiction, the child may just act out in other ways. Self-professed game addict personal trainer P said that even though he spent most of his teenage years playing games, he was still thinking about his future. “Kids aren’t thoughtless. They don’t plan on just playing games for the rest of their lives. I think we need to ask them and have more interest in what they want to do and listen to them more. After all, the child is responsible for finding his own way in life.” What he said reminded me that no one can live someone else’s life for them.
Obviously the wife is more important than games but
The WHO defines gaming disorder (the word addiction is more widely used but it isn’t the official term) as follows: “A pattern of gaming behavior (“digital-gaming” or “video-gaming”) characterized by impaired control over gaming, increasing priority given to gaming over other activities to the extent that gaming takes precedence over other interests and daily activities, and continuation or escalation of gaming despite the occurrence of negative consequences.” People who exhibit this kind of behavior for more than 12 months can be seen as having the disorder.
I want to focus on the term priority in this definition. I’m usually indifferent when it comes to my husband’s gaming but there was a time when I wanted to barge into his room, throw off his headphones, and rip out the computer power cable. It was when I desperately needed to talk to him and I had told him to come to the living room after he was done with his game, but he left me waiting for over an hour. He tried to explain that he was in a particularly difficult dungeon, but I started crying and asked
“Games, or me?”
I want to be much higher on his list of priorities than games. But I know that wanting to be his top priority in every aspect of his life is asking too much. Think of it this way. I love my husband but sometimes I want to watch Pengsoo more than I want to see him, and sometimes I want to go out and have brunch with my girl-friends. My husband has as much freedom to play his games as I do to do the things I like.
