Practicing the Components of Care: Yejin Lee’s Strategies for Community
Yejin moves through the world as a self-identified angry optimist, driven by a fervent belief in our capacity for collective betterment and fueled by the anger that arises from our failure to realize it. Founding Jeong Coaching and Consulting emerged as a response to a change in economic work, a return to their Asian-American identity, and an arrival to the next iteration of purpose work. At the heart of Yejin’s practice lies the concept of “Jeong,” a Korean term signifying a profound care and responsibility for one another — an ethos that frames their guidance and facilitation of transformation for individuals and institutions in service of community care and liberation.
As a student of movement theory, feminist theory, and postcolonial theory, Yejin possesses a deep understanding of the oppressive systems and cultural norms that shape our lives. This understanding led them to the unwavering commitment to identifying, confronting and disrupting oppressive power dynamics. Transitioning from fundraising, where they witnessed firsthand the compromises made in pursuit of financial gain, to organizational design where they felt at home identifying root causes and solving for problems, to working for themself, Yejin embarked on a journey of personal and professional liberation. Their arrival to being a solo-practitioner passed through the experience of being laid off, and confronting their relationship to work. They dared to untether themselves from the shackles of institutional attachment and distance themselves from capitalistic structures, forging their own path grounded in principles of community care and liberation.
Intro authored by Eli Marsh
What follows is the second of the two-part interview with Yejin.
Crystal: As you bring up capitalism I want to also talk about some of those oppressive systems. On your website, you talk about untethering from oppressive behaviors and structures as a practice that embodies the commitment to collective care. How does that concept of untethering support collective care? What does it look like to undo some of those things that have just been baked into us, because it is a society that we live in?
Yejin Lee: The work of transformation requires both knowledge building, whether that’s building knowledge about ourselves how the world outside of us exists, and praxis, so translating what we know into something applicable. I think a lot of times, especially in moments that are charged, like shortly after the murder of George Floyd and the subsequent rebellions, there was this moment of activation. I think a lot of people fell into one of the two camps. So they’d be like, ‘I’m joining a book club and building knowledge’, but they’re not doing anything with it or they’d be like, ‘I’m going to do these actions’, but not supporting their actions with greater understandings about themselves, their positionality, their relationship to power and how that is being expressed by their actions. This work requires both parts.
This piece around untethering is deeply personal. To your point, these things are baked into us. We talk about implicit bias. We absorb things around us that aren’t even explicitly named and they live and breathe in our psyches, hearts, and bodies. The work of untethering is really about surfacing information about ourselves. Some of the first things I ask a new coaching client are, ‘What is your relationship to power and authority? Where did you learn that relationship to power and authority? What were the institutions? Who were the humans who taught you that? What did that mean for you as a young person? What was your relationship to the questioning of authority?’ Having that level of understanding of one’s relationship to a concept and actual practice is really, really important.
I believe the more you can surface information about yourself through generative introspection, and the more you understand how power and oppression function operationally — that combination of things can then more easily translate to change. Not only changed behavior but changed mental frameworks and ways of relating to people. I’m very obsessed with the surfacing of data, even if that data is people’s feelings. The more we can do that, the more we can have agency and autonomy over how we choose to move rather than constantly living in our defaults.
A lot of times within our defaults are the indoctrination of different forms of oppression, so the work of untethering is one that 100% lives in relationships and practices of community. Taking ownership over all the things that live and breathe inside of us that are oppressive makes it more possible for us to be in caring relationship with community and in particular with folks who have historically been harmed.
Crystal: How do you think that concept also translates into when there is conflict in a relationship and the root of that conflict is something that’s connected to a microaggression that takes place or something like that?
Yejin Lee: There’s a lot of information that lives in how we approach conflict. Whether or not it’s rooted in investment in an oppressive structure or not, there is a lot of info about our default orientation to conflict. I will say, high level, that unwillingness to take accountability for anything makes it very difficult to be someone who embodies liberatory values.
There is an investment in oppression at play if someone cannot respond to a call in or a call out with curiosity. If they cannot look within and account for how they potentially arrived at saying or doing something that harmed someone that they’re in a relationship with, then it’s going to be very difficult for them to enact a meaningful expression of care. They can maybe have a half-assed apology, like, ‘I’m sorry that you felt hurt by this thing.’ But if that person doesn’t think about, ‘Oh, my positionality as someone with these dominant identities has potentially made it really difficult for me to proactively identify where anti-blackness or transphobia or ableism is showing up. Why don’t I take some time to look within and get a greater understanding of these modalities of oppression?’ That’s the work of untethering that is really hard and deeply personal.
If people don’t do that rootsy work within, then they’re going to keep accidentally recreating that dynamic over and over again. Is that ultimately an expression of care? I would say no. Particularly for people who say they share values around equity and justice and anti-oppression, it is an act of care to genuinely relate to accountability in generative and curious ways.
Crystal: I agree. Curiosity is something that I often try to revert myself to in times of conflict. I think it supports me in resolving conflict while allowing the other person to feel cared for throughout the conflict.
Yejin Lee: Yeah, totally. And I want to acknowledge that we live in a society that doesn’t teach or practice accountability in meaningful ways. We are instructed to be invulnerable and self-protective. I, as an anti-oppression practitioner, think it is one of the greatest barriers to people embodying their values. People not being able to receive or process critical feedback in service of being even more values embodied.
I know a lot of it is personal. People might have a tendency to shut down when they receive any critical feedback because of trauma in their lives. Right? The thing that is ultimately really caring about the work of accountability is that we have to make space for people’s healing for people to, in an embodied way, move through the shutdown, shame spiraling, or defensiveness. A lot of the things that we develop in relationship to accountability and critical feedback are to protect ourselves from harm.
If we separate that from the preservation and care of the person we’re in relationship with, then it’s never going to be generative beyond ourselves. Ultimately accountability to self and to one’s own values is inherently accountability in relationships, community, [and] ecosystems. To me, the ultimate act of care is to want to be accountable to someone beyond yourself.
Crystal: And in talking about wanting to be accountable to others and have community, I find that people are having problems accessing community. As someone who has practiced and has coached others, what ways do you see people accessing those communities where they can practice accountability, caring for others, and caring for themselves?
Yejin Lee: I like talking about practice both as the translation of theory into something tangible and material, but also the repeated act of doing something to increase skill. Everyone’s practice arena is dependent on what is true for them in their lives, relationships, [and] access to people who care about the same things. But I do think a lot about how people can find their practice arenas. An example of a place where you might be more likely to find values-aligned people are mutual aid spaces. In those kinds of spaces, there is a clear sense of everybody’s values.
I also think specific relationships might be a good entry point. I did a workshop on the foundations of values embodiment. At the end of the workshop, we were talking about what sphere of life people feel most comfortable or most uncomfortable in incorporating their values and embodying them. For some people, they were most comfortable in their intimate relationships, whether it was their romantic partnership or their friendships, and for others that was the hardest place. For some people, it was easiest to translate their values into the workplace, and for others, it was the hardest to do it there, maybe because there are job security considerations. Rather than taking a blanket approach, it’s very important for people to identify where it feels easiest, especially if you want to start practicing and do it in a place where it feels lower stakes.
Where does it feel safest and most cozy for you to embody your values? Is it in your personal life? Is it in workplaces? Is it in organizing spaces? Is it in digital spaces? Is it on social media? What is the relationship within that arena that is most accessible? We stop ourselves from doing things that are hard. So to the degree that we can use information that’s available to us to find the easiest entry point to practice, the better.
Who is the person you want to be in an active, relationally accountable relationship? How do you set intentions for that relationship, so that you have a container? It’s not just wild public declarations of callouts, but you have agreements. The point of practice is to repeat it and demystify the process.
To the point of care, it’s very easy to be dysregulated when you’re asked to be accountable for yourself. So if you can practice in lower-stakes arenas, you can tell what’s happening in your body. ‘Oh my god, my heart rate is so fast. I’m going to shut down or project or get angry, so what is the care that I need to maintain accountability? The care that I need is a five-minute break. I need to do something to soothe myself so that I can show up in a way that is rooted in my values, even if it’s hard.’ Doing that in relationships and sometimes even sharing proactively with another person, like, ‘I want to continue this conversation and I love that we’re practicing. I just need you to know that my tendency is to shut down. So if you recognize that I’m shutting down, and I’m not proactively offering that I need a five-minute break, maybe you can suggest it.’ Those are acts of care, not only to oneself but also to the people that we’re in relationships with.
Crystal: I am thinking about the different ways I’ve approached my own needs in my practice arenas. Those arenas continue to expand since I have practiced in a smaller safe space. I feel more comfortable expanding that bubble.
Yejin Lee: Totally, I feel like the great thing about practice isn’t just getting a feel for it and getting more cozy with it. Each time we decide to practice accountability, we get information about ourselves. We also get loads of information about how other people operate and function. For me, so much of this work of caring is about being responsive to shifting realities and to how different people respond to things in different ways.
The more we utilize attunement to ourselves, the people around us, and the things that inform these moments of collision, the more we can have autonomy and agency over how we choose to move. If we start practicing that level of intentionality, that’s genuinely an act of care for the people around us.
Crystal: Something you touched on in the beginning was all this care you had for the work you were doing. How can we find harmony between caring for these larger issues in the workplace, caring for ourselves, caring for the people around us, and our community, while knowing that all of these spaces intersect and influence each other?
Yejin Lee: This is where I will admit that the path has been very nonlinear because I’m bad at this harmony piece. But there are a few things that I focus on. A lot of my coaching clients are people who do work that they care about. They are in the nonprofit world. They’re in the social justice world. Sometimes, we are trained to believe that because we should be grateful that we’re getting paid to do something we care about, we are immensely privileged. Therefore, we believe that it’s okay to put all of our passion and purpose into our economic work. We should give our everything all the time. I simply don’t think that’s true. I’m not making any blanket statements, but I think the idea that all of that has to live within the confines of work is something to potentially move away from. There are so many practices of community that are really generative that don’t live in economic work.
One of the ways I’ve explored care is by allowing myself, as someone who is easily not taken seriously. I’m [a] 5 ‘1 Korean American, but allowing myself to be really soft and silly. [I] have a bunch of my plushies visible and accessing softness, goofiness, and silliness in a world that very easily writes me off or infantilizes me, has also been an act of care. Allowing myself to access things that I am often judged for has been liberating.
Being proactive agents and determining how we are organizing how much of our passion and purpose go into different aspects of our lives, knowing that we don’t want to operate with a scarcity mindset but also don’t want to repeat this capitalistic practice of trying to extract as much of ourselves as possible and being really intentional about where care exists in our lives is a helpful practice.
‘What needs to be true for me to show up in these different spaces, whether it’s work or in my relationships? Sometimes it means I need a break from playing the organizer role in my family. I need a break from being a part of the DEI council at work.’ Sometimes people feel bad for disengaging temporarily in internal DEI work. But if you’re burnt out and about to lose yourself, it’s definitely not worth it. If you are fortunate enough to have relationships with other people on that committee to proactively be like, ‘I am about to enter burnout. I don’t want to get there, so I might need to dip for a couple of weeks. What are the things I need to do to get you all ready?’ Being in conversation with other people and being honest about where we are makes it easier to depend on each other and not feel like we have to show up all the time.
I also think that’s important for friendships and different kinds of intimate relationships. I am someone who likes offering very in-depth emotional support to people in my life. Sometimes I literally can’t do it. So, instead of completely shutting down and becoming very avoidant, which is something that I’ve done in the past, I will be like, ‘Oh, I can feel in my body and my hot ears that I’m irritated for no reason, which means that I am emotionally burnt out.’ So I will proactively communicate that I’m unable to show up in X, Y, and Z ways for now, but will re-engage. Being proactively communicative about limitations in community is really helpful. It can be helpful to identify what’s happening in my brain, body, and heart when I’m about to be too burned out in friendships, at work, or mutual aid work. You can use that self-knowledge and then communicate that to people you’re in relationship with to figure out how you can temporarily disengage or just have space to recover.
Crystal: It sounds like from this conversation that we’ve had, care is proactive for yourself and others. It means accountability and requires a lot of communication, consent, and introspection, as well as self-awareness and body awareness. You offered a lot of skills people can use to get started in a variety of different places. People can tap in where they are on this journey. As you said, it’s nonlinear because, at different times, you could need more of one of these things or something else that we haven’t talked about. But there are all these components in this soup.
Yejin Lee: Yeah, it’s a very ingredient-heavy soup. One thing that I want to say is some people might be like, ‘Oh, wow, so many different components, and that’s very tangible and useful.’ And other people might be like, ‘Yejin named 5 billion things and I can’t work on 5 billion things at the same time. That’s deeply overwhelming.’ I don’t believe in blanket approaches to anything. I think we need to be really responsive to the things that make us unique.
The way that we arrived at who we are, our specific skills and strengths and abilities, but also the specific triggers. We have the wounds we have. So, using the information that we have about ourselves to determine what best suits where we are now. I got to a place of being able to do this by being, in a trauma-based way, hyper-vigilant about myself for over three decades. I don’t say that to be like, ‘it’s going to take you three decades,’ but I think what makes sense for people is to think about what is the easiest entry point for me based on my history, needs, triggers, and passions, and to focus on a relationship where they can practice it.
I think it’s cool to not do a million things at once.
Crystal: What way do you plan to care for yourself today?
Yejin Lee: I am in a place in my life right now where I’ve been so desiring to be as optimally useful to the humans around me that I have allowed my body and mind to enter a state of disintegration. One of the things that I realized about how I got there was this intense urgency, which for me translates into being a chaotic gremlin doer who cannot understand what my energy levels are. So the things I’ve been doing to offer myself care are things that force me to slow down.
The thing that I’m going to do right after we finish this interview is to take care of my vegetable seedlings, and that is just something that I cannot do quickly. Being with earthy things, and sometimes even singing to my vegetable seedlings just forces me to be slow and present. That is the thing that I need to balance out this interview.
That is how I will be offering myself care. And what about you?
Crystal: Today, I will be cross-stitching. I like doing things with my hands, and then seeing what it looks like afterward.
Yejin Lee: You made something!
Crystal: Yeah. Thanks so much.
Yejin Lee: Thank you for having me.
