5 Steps to Feel True Beauty

The following is adapted from The Next You by Stefany Banda.

Try your best to eliminate what triggers you.

I said “try your best” because I know that sometimes this isn’t 100 percent possible. Maybe your trigger is your always-dieting mom, and well, you can’t exactly eliminate your mom. But what you can do is talk to your mom about what you’re going through and explain to her the effect she has on you when she constantly talks about the new diet she is on. If she loves you, which she does, she will support you. On the other hand, if your boyfriend is the trigger that makes you feel like you are not pretty enough, in the words of Beyoncé: tell him boy, bye. That is the one person in your life who is REQUIRED to build you up. If he does nothing but tear you down, it’s time to kick him to the curb. For me, this step meant eliminating MyFitnessPal from my life. Eliminating this trigger was pretty easy because I could literally delete it off of my phone. Once it was gone, I was no longer accidentally triggered by the little blue icon on my home screen that used to guilt me into tracking the six pita chips I just ate. Out of sight, out of mind.

Clean up what you consume.

I’m not talking about food. This was a huge one for me. We’ve all heard that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with — and while that’s true, in today’s age, there’s more to it. Even when we aren’t physically with people, we are constantly surrounded and influenced by people through social media. Who do you follow? If it’s a bunch of models and fitness gurus that post nothing but photos of their perfect bodies or of the breakfast they ate that looked more like a breakfast for a rabbit, you need to unfollow them. Now. I’m sure they are great people and putting out a lot of great content but not for someone who struggles with body image. You’ll be amazed at how quickly you forget they exist once you unfollow them. Take an audit of who you follow and when you are scrolling down the list, ask yourself this: do they make me feel good about myself? If the answer is no, unfollow them.

Practice good great self-care.

During this process, you may be trying to obsess less about gym time and the food you eat — but you still need to take care of yourself. Self-care looks different for everyone, and for you if that means getting a massage once a month, do that. If it means getting eyelash extensions and a spray tan once a week, that’s great! Do it. Even if it means taking a pole-dancing workout class once a week because it makes you feel strong, you do you, girl! Whatever it takes for you to feel your best — do more of that. For me personally, that means penciling in two SoulCycle classes a week. Why? Because it’s a workout that I crave. It puts me in a better place mentally, and the physical benefits are just an added bonus. Self-care for me also means always having my nails done. I know I’m not the only one who feels like my whole life is more “together” if I have freshly manicured nails. Ah, the little things.

Trust your body.

This may seem like a no-brainer, but this is a lot harder than it seems. I’m not going to tell you that your new diet approach should be “intuitive eating” — because first of all, there is no new diet approach…you are just going to live your life. And second of all, I hate the term “intuitive eating” because for years I didn’t see how that was humanly possible. I never understood my friends who could only eat a couple bites of their burger and be “full.” In a jealous and selfish way, it kind of made me angry. I wanted to be the girl who only ate half her burger and stopped when she was full, but I wasn’t. After years of restricting yourself, learning to trust your body and its own sense of hunger and satisfaction again can be really challenging. Diets are not a one-size-fits-all type of thing. You have to completely reject the diet mentality and focus on what your specific body needs. Your body needs to eat when it’s hungry. Not when it’s bored, stressed, emotional, or on its period (I sometimes make an exception for that last one). I had to learn to take a second before I raided the fridge or pantry, and ask myself, “How much do I need right now?” or “What exactly do I need right now?” I’m not kidding; sometimes, I would even ask myself those questions out loud. This goes for working out, too. If your body is sore from lifting weights six days in a row, listen to it. It’s okay to take a day off if that means your body will feel better. Once you stop following someone else’s diet or someone else’s workout plan, and start to follow your own — your body will start to respond the way you always wished it would have.

Welcome joy into your life.

This is the most important step. So, get your highlighter ready, girl. You must make space in your life for joyful distractions. Sticking to your diet or tracking all of your food gives you a sense of control, not joy. Don’t get those two confused. Find the things that bring you joy in life and focus on that. I want you to be so laser-focused on those joyful things, that you don’t even think about how pretty or not pretty you think you are. Once you shift your energy from only caring about how you look to the real sources of joy in your life…that’s when the good stuff is going to happen. You’ll get the promotion. You’ll book the trip. You’ll find the guy. You’ll start the business. It’s all going to start to happen.

I told you this chapter was a monster, didn’t I!? But we did it. We got through it. But I need you to remember one last thing before we move on: you were not put on this earth to spend twenty minutes of your day entering food into MyFitnessPal. You were not put on this earth to isolate yourself and turn down girls’ nights, mother-daughter trips, your own birthday cake, or even a crappy first date because you don’t feel pretty enough. You were put on this earth to enjoy every single one of those beautiful little moments.

You can learn more about crushing your insecurities in The Next You, now available on Amazon.

Stefany Banda has built an online community of like-minded women by creating inspiring, relatable content that she shares through YouTube videos, social media, blog posts, and motivational live events. After graduating from college, Stefany went straight into the 9–5 corporate life. She quickly realized that spending 40 hours a week in a roller chair working for someone else’s dream was not for her. Down-to-earth and driven to always keep it real with her audience, she makes it a priority to show the parts of life that most of us hide outside of social media’s “highlight reel.” To connect with Stefany, visit StefanyBanda.com.