A Thriving Life on the Other Side of Adversity

The following is adapted from STRONG[ER+] by Kimberly Irvine.

The months of chemotherapy were some of the most difficult times during my journey with cancer that I can recall. It ravages the body, killing both the bad cells and the good cells. I was sick all the time, nauseous and weak.

I spent most of my time on the couch because I simply didn’t have the strength to make it up the stairs.

I’ll never forget this profound lesson that came during one of my weakest moments as a mom: I was lying in the living room, so sick and frail from the chemotherapy treatment.

Kalli, then six, came up to me and asked if I would tuck her into bed.

“Honey,” I said, “I’m sorry, but I’m just so sick and tired.

I don’t think I can do it.”

In her sassy way, Kalli put her hands on her hips and fixed her pretty blue eyes on mine.

“Mommy, you’re always sick and tired,” she said. “And you never tuck me into bed anymore.”

I sat in silence for a moment. She is absolutely right, I thought. I saw myself through Kalli’s eyes: I was frail, had lost a ton of weight, didn’t have any hair, and wasn’t able to spend time playing with her like I used to. All I could think about was how exhausted I was.

In that moment, I kept recounting in my head how I wasn’t really taking care of her through my treatment. She’d been bouncing around from playdate to playdate, as I was lost in fighting cancer.

In her own way, that’s what Kalli was telling me — that she needed me. That she missed me.

I have to find the strength to get up these damn stairs, I thought.

“Go on upstairs, sweetheart,” I told her, determined. “Mommy is going to come tuck you into bed.”

She turned around and jogged up to her room, her foot- steps happy.

I turned to my then-husband Mike, and I grabbed his arm.

“You’re going to have to do all you can do to get me up those stairs,” I told him.

And I meant it.

We followed Kalli, slowly and painfully. I had to pause and catch my breath at the top of the stairs. As I leaned against the wall, still sick and tired, I looked into Kalli’s room.

I’ll never forget what I saw: there was my beautiful daughter kneeling at her bedside — hands folded, head bent. I could hear her sweet little voice praying.

“Dear God,” she said, “please give Mommy the strength to fight breast cancer.”

At that moment, I also fell to my knees, right there in the hallway. I never thought I’d hear my six-year-old daughter say those words. Tears rolled down my face as I, too, asked God for the strength to beat cancer and the opportunity to watch Kalli and my son, Tyler, grow up.

It definitely wasn’t the first time I talked to God, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last. In fact, my faith and my strong support system — both of which we’ll discuss in depth later — guided me through not one, but two cancer diagnoses.

Through it all, I never let cancer define me. Along my journey, I became my own best advocate, and I discovered my purpose. In sharing my story, I hope you see how you can be your own best advocate too.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

I’m sure you’re dealing with some type of adversity in your life. It could be a health situation, a personal relationship issue, a financial struggle — whatever is affecting you, I’m here to tell you that there is life on the other side.

We owe it to ourselves to dig deep within to find the courage, hope, and resiliency to fight and to advocate for ourselves. Why? Ultimately, we have no other option. If we don’t do it for ourselves, then who will?

Becoming your own best advocate means having love and respect for yourself. It comes from looking within. Remember, you have to put on your own oxygen mask before you can help others.

When it comes down to it, you’re in charge of the decisions you make — and you have to make the decision to stand up for yourself, especially when times are tough. In my case, they were tough — trust me.

I had, and still have, moments of weakness. At the end of the day, though, I am not merely surviving in this life.

I am thriving. And you can too.

I want to be absolutely clear: what I’m not doing is offering a fix for whatever you’re facing. I can’t take away your fear or anxiety.

I can’t remove your struggle. I can’t tell you my way is the only way through adversity, and I don’t have a cure.

What I do have is a story. In fact, we all have a story. In sharing mine, I hope you will find the inspiration and empowerment you need to move forward.

At the end of the day, this is not just another book about cancer. This is a book about life, and I’m here to tell you that you are not alone.

I made it up the stairs for my daughter that day. You can make it up your stairs too, but it’s going to be a journey.

Let me start at the beginning of mine.

For more about overcoming adversity, you can find STRONG[ER+] on Amazon.

KIMBERLY IRVINE is a two-time breast cancer survivor whose experiences during treatment transformed her into a passionate patient advocate. Kimberly not only started her own consulting firm in Chicago to help corporations, nonprofits, and patients, but also regularly testifies before the U.S. Food and Drug Administration regarding drug approval. She’s a brand ambassador and model for Athleta, an in-demand motivational speaker, and a committed philanthropist who has helped raise money for several cancer-related nonprofits. Kimberly lives in Chicago with her two greatest blessings, Kalli and Tyler, and two Goldendoodles, Addison and Ivy. (If you were wondering — yes, they are Cubs fans!) You can learn more about her work at KimberlyIrvine.com.