Are You On a Path That Is Not Your Own?
This story is adapted from Mommytracked, by Sohee Jun.
Do you ever feel like you’re on a path that’s not your own? That you’ve lost touch of some of the pieces that made you whole? That at the end of the day, you’re spent because you’ve given so much of yourself to the “shoulds” of work and family? That you’re burning the candle at both ends, as a mother and an ambitious professional, but that you’re not able to give enough of yourself to either? That you can’t shake the sense that there’s a more fulfilling path than the one you’re currently on? Do you feel depleted? In constant guilt?
I get it, and I’ve been there.
Corporate America
For a large portion of my career, I worked in corporate America, and I felt like I brushed up against a rigid set of parameters that didn’t feel right for me. When I became a mom, the rigid parameters felt even more stifling. I felt like I got put on the “mommytrack,” a slowing of the big projects, the highly visible roles, etc., in anticipation of family needs. But did I want that? What did the right mommytrack look like for me? I wanted to find a way to live a life that felt fully integrated — but I wasn’t sure how. I seemed to be chasing the solution to a problem that, for a long time, I couldn’t concretely identify and name.
Early in my career, I didn’t know what to ask for (or that I had permission to ask it). I wasn’t used to flexing my risk-taking muscle. At that point in my life, I had taken very few big risks — you know the type of risks I’m talking about. The kind of risk that feels so scary, yet you know you need to do? What I did know was that the traditional way people approached careers in corporate America didn’t feel authentic to me, yet I still had a strong ambitious bone. I got my Ph.D., and at the time, I thought I wanted to climb the traditional ladder and make it to the top. All the way to the top. Before I had children, I thought I should want that promotion or that big project that would provide the visibility to upper execs. I felt like I deserved it, yet I was oftentimes at odds with myself. I faced a lot of tension at the difference between the life I thought I could carve out and the one I was living, causing internal struggles and guilt.
So. Much. Guilt!
After having not one, but three beautiful kids, I felt it all the time. Sometimes, I thought I wasn’t home enough, like I was missing out on too much when my kids were little. All of their firsts, the crawling, the walking, the first foods, you get the picture. Then, other times I felt like I wasn’t fully leaning into work, not taking on those high profile projects, not staying as late as everyone else — or, if I did, feeling guilty about the fact that I was missing bath time and/or bedtime. I was in a swirl of guilt. I was trying so hard to overcompensate in both roles, and it left me depleted all the time. It was lose-lose and I was on a fast, inauthentic track to burnout.
Through lots of reflection, pivotal experiences, and personal introspection, the voice inside of me said that what I really wanted and desperately needed was an integrated life. To pursue a path that was in alignment with my values and priorities for the phase and season of life I was in. To feel fulfilled and to be free from the confines of a traditional path or life and to be living one that was wholly my own. Defined by me.
Feeling Fulfilled
And I did it, eventually. Through hard-won lessons and lots of trial and error, I now feel like I’m firing on all cylinders. Today, I have the ability to identify and take risks that are important to me. I have the work life I had envisioned for so long. For me, that means owning my own consulting firm, working with top-notch clients who energize me — primarily ambitious women who have families and want a coach to get them to their “what’s next.” At the same time, I have the family life I envisioned, spending quality time with my partner and children and they are both fully interwoven. No more compartmentalization and guilt. However, this didn’t happen overnight. After getting my Ph.D. in Organizational Psychology and now twenty years in the field, I’ve had the pleasure of having worked with world-renowned Fortune 500 companies in media and entertainment as well as high-tech companies, startups, financial-services providers, and engineering firms. I’ve also had the good fortune to coach over fifty leaders and high performing women during this time. My book, Mommytracked, is a culmination of those experiences and my own that have gotten me here.
I’m in a flow state, and I feel much more integrated than I’ve ever been in my life.
The risks I took and the path I walked — and am still walking today, I might add — might not feel true for you. Your path will look different, as will the seasons of your life. That’s all okay. If there’s anything I want to bring awareness to in my book, it’s that you don’t have to follow a formula for success because you get to define it. You get to choose what success looks like in your life.
Re-read that last part as many times as it takes for it to sink in, and then say it louder for your ambitious girlfriends. Are you ready?
To learn more about how to have the life you deserve, you can find Mommytracked on Amazon.
SOHEE JUN is an expert on the challenges that face working women in today’s complex world, as well as a sought-after executive coach, keynote speaker, and leadership development facilitator. Sohee has over twenty years’ experience in the corporate world, including serving as the executive director of organization development and change management at Warner Bros. Entertainment. Today, she helps leaders change themselves from frustrated executives to insightful, impactful, and inspired humans. She has worked with many Fortune 500 companies in high-powered industries such as entertainment, gaming, financial services, and engineering. Sohee inspires women to reject societal limitations and instead ask for what they want and need — at home, at work, and in motherhood — during the ever-changing seasons of our lives.
