Beliefs and Fears About Finances Follow from Childhood to Adulthood
The following is adapted from Investing Is Your Superpower by Shinobu Hindert.
It’s 1991. MC Hammer’s “2 Legit 2 Quit” is topping the charts. Beauty and the Beast, Full House, Super Nintendo, and Cabbage Patch Kids are what I’m all about. I’m eight years old. I’m cruising the streets of northern New Jersey on my roller skates. Okay, fine, I’m not any good. The point is, I wear them in my driveway. Neighbors totally think I know how to use them.
One evening, my father asks me to sit down with him and my mom for a talk. His tone suggests a serious conversation. I sit down with purpose. In that moment, I feel like an adult. I look over at my mom; she seems nervous, which makes me nervous.
My father explains to me that there are no guarantees in life. He tells me that he and my mom could die at any moment. I’m terrified. My father explains that we have no relatives living in the United States. He stresses how important it is to understand money and life. If he and my mother were to die unexpectedly, I need to know what it costs to live. He explains how much money they make versus how much they spend.
Lifelong Lessons from Parents
This conversation was just the beginning. Throughout my childhood, I received lessons about money, some explicit and some implicit.
My father didn’t sugarcoat things. He worked long hours and usually six days a week. When we did get time together, he talked to me about his work life, money, and more. He explained the challenges and opportunities of managing a staff. He shared lessons he learned along the way. He preferred I work through situations with him, and he would guide me to form my own opinions.
My dad’s reasoning for these conversations was simple. He was born and raised in Langata, Kenya, in the 1950s. Growing up in Kenya shaped my dad’s belief system. He used to explain to my friends that he chose our house because it was perched on top of a hill, which allowed him to see people coming from many different angles. We had a German shepherd whose only job was to protect us from outside dangers. My father lost both of his parents before the age of eighteen. He had to become financially independent early on in life, and that stuck with him forever. He was scared to unexpectedly leave his family alone in the world. These conversations and lessons he imparted on me were his way of giving me something extra in life.
My mother grew up in Fukuoka, Japan. She was raised in an upper-middle-class family. Money was never discussed in her home. In her mind, talking to an eight-year-old girl about money was completely inappropriate, but she went along with it because she knew my father’s fear was deeply rooted and not unreasonable. She couldn’t guarantee tomorrow, and her family all lived in Japan and didn’t speak English. My mother taught me her own lessons about money. She was the financial gatekeeper for our family, and she was like Fort Knox. She taught me the difference between wanting and needing something. Those lessons will stay with me forever.
Childhood Culture Follows You Into Adulthood
As a kid, discussing money became a normal part of my life. The lingering fear of an impending disaster also became a normal part of my life. This fear stayed with me. It shaped my relationships with people, myself, and ultimately, money.
I have worked with hundreds of people as a financial planner and spoken with thousands as a financial educator, and they almost all had one thing in common: their childhood money cultures shaped their financial belief systems as adults.
Like me and so many of the people I’ve worked with, you too have deeply ingrained thoughts and feelings about money because of how you were raised. It’s natural to make financial decisions based on our unique emotions, so it’s critical to understand your childhood money culture and the impact it has on you. When you recognize and allow space for your emotions, you can move from thinking about money to making moves with your money.
For more advice on overcoming your financial fears, you can find Investing Is Your Superpower on Amazon.
Shinobu Hindert is a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ professional, money expert, and creator of Empowered Planning, LLC. She spent the first half of her career working for some of the largest financial institutions in the United States, including Smith Barney and Fidelity Investments. As a financial adviser, she created personalized financial plans for high-net-worth individuals all across the country, overseeing more than $350 million in client assets. Now Shinobu has taken all her knowledge and created a simple, proven method for teaching personal finance. She has delivered over five hundred live workshops covering a wide range of topics, from budgeting to estate planning. Her goal is to simplify the complex world of investing and empower women everywhere to reach financial freedom.
