Breaking Through the Barriers of Human Conditioning
The following is adapted from The Commitments by Dr. Tracy Thomas.
Whether we realize it or not, we’re all (to a certain extent) products of our environment — walking, talking, thinking, and acting molds of clay being shaped by family, friends, and other influences of modern society. However, we all have the ability to change this conditioning if we so desire.
We simply need to recognize where our inherent beliefs come from and how our environment continues to shape us. From there, we can understand what parts of ourselves aren’t working and take action to create better outcomes.
Conditioning Begins at Birth
From the moment we’re born, we begin to absorb the patterns of our environment around us. Let’s use the example of a newborn baby named Johnny.
From day one, Johnny starts to hear, see, touch, and feel the world around him. In these early stages of life, he is a sponge soaking up whatever his parents and other caregivers feel, think, and believe, as well as how they act and the things they do. Much of this is not a conscious choice; it’s just part of Johnny’s human conditioning.
Johnny’s parents try to create healthy patterns for their baby, like when and what to eat and when to sleep, as well as other basic functions of daily life. Johnny absorbs these patterns, just as he gathers the rhythms of his mother or primary caretaker — how fast she moves, how present she is with him, how often she smiles. The environment that shapes the human mold of clay that is Johnny, you, or just about everyone else in the world, usually starts with the parents.
Creating a Filter of Reality
If his dad is patient and soothing when he cries, Johnny absorbs that. If his dad reacts to his crying by shouting and storming out of the room, he absorbs that too. His dad is acting out one version of reality, while his mom is acting out her own version. Both experiences are influencing Johnny in various ways. Furthermore, Johnny’s patterns are also going into the environment and being absorbed by everybody else. The baby, therefore, becomes part of the family’s emotional ecosystem.
While Johnny continues his development as a child, where so much information is being cemented into his sense of self, he will start to form beliefs of his own. Examples could be that brothers are fun, sisters are challenging, toys are entertaining, and so on. Johnny might also learn that anxiety is something you just have to live with. Maybe he forms coping mechanisms as well; something like ice cream makes him feel better.
As he interacts with people and his environment, he’s also joining their conditioning and patterns. The result is a unique set of processes and rhythms that creates the filter of his experience to the world around him.
The Power of Making Conscious Decisions
That’s why we want to be connected to ourselves and conscious of who we are. That way, we can recognize healthy and unhealthy behavior patterns. There’s a vast difference between Johnny yelling when he gets upset because that’s what his dad has always done, and Johnny feeling the urge to yell, recognizing it, and choosing to take a deep breath and soothe himself. In the first case, he perpetuates his father’s reactionary cycle; in the second, he intentionally makes his own conscious decisions.
Just like Johnny, you can replace whatever isn’t serving your true self best by making conscious decisions that lead to new, more productive sets of outcomes. That can be really fun and exciting, as well as challenging. More importantly, it alters the conditioning that says your whole life will be determined by your genetics and the circumstances you were born into.
This is your life. Just like Johnny, you have the ability to break through the barriers of your conditioning to create a happier, healthier version of your true self.
For more advice on breaking through the barriers of human conditioning, you can find The Commitments on Amazon.
Dr. Tracy Thomas is an award-winning psychologist, an Emotional Scientist, a bestselling author, and an interventionist who specializes in helping highly driven, Emotionally Sensitive people harness their emotional strength and live an elevated life. She has been featured in hundreds of media outlets, including the prestigious TED Talk program, Men’s Health, Women’s Health, Shape, Redbook, CBS, and many more. Dr. Tracy is also the CEO and Founder of Dr. Tracy Inc., an emotional training company that trains coaches; provides custom programs and private transformation retreats for individual clients, couples, families, and companies; produces the Elevate Your Life show; and creates transformational books.
