Creating A Healthier Relationship With Your Unconscious Mind

The following is an edited excerpt from the book, The Hero and the Villain Within: Your Key to an Extraordinary Life Through the Power of Purpose, Freedom and Abundance by Kenneth Castiel.

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Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.— Marianne Williamson

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We store our experiences, memories, perceptions, and everything which is outside of our conscious awareness in our unconscious mind. The unconscious mind is very suggestible and the source of our conditioning.

I like to use the analogy of a filing cabinet to describe how the unconscious mind works. When we want to retrieve a document stored in a filing cabinet, we pull open the drawer and look for the document. The filing cabinet is neutral; all it does is store the information.

The unconscious mind works in a similar way. It is not judgmental and doesn’t know the difference between right and wrong, good and bad, or real and unreal. Its sole purpose is to store information.

Everything that has ever happened to us from the moment we left our mother’s womb, and some say even whilst we were still in the womb, is stored in the unconscious mind. The unconscious mind has the capacity to hold all that we know and feel.

A number of years ago, whilst I was interviewing someone for a job, the candidate became agitated when I asked him for details about his university experience. He was fearful, and I realised that something must have happened. Later, I learned that he had been badly bullied when he was at university. It became so bad that he was driven to cut short his studies and leave.

Many years after the event, his unconscious mind could not tell the difference between the reality of what was happening in the present moment while sitting in the safety of a job interview and the non-reality of a memory of aggression and danger that his unconscious mind was reliving as if it were true. The moment we spoke about university, his fear and emotions came flooding back as if he were in the original situation.

He was short of breath, and his confidence collapsed.

That is an example of the way the unconscious mind works. The unconscious mind is also engaged in actions as simple as lifting an arm. Multiple muscles are involved when we lift our arm, but we don’t have to consciously negotiate each muscle. Our unconscious mind does it for us, like a machine.

To illustrate how unaware we are of the unconscious mind, imagine visiting Disney World. It is summer and you are walking around, standing in lines, and enjoying the rides. You go to a restaurant and are happy with all the fun activities you have been doing. At the same time, your shoe is tight and rubbing against your ankle. Your unconscious mind is busy sending messages to your body to form a protective blister around the area. You only become aware of the irritation once the blister has formed and the pain begins. You take off your shoe and sock and see the blister. Then your conscious, logical mind redirects its attention away from the excitement of the rides to finding a bandage for your foot.

The conscious mind could be compared to the captain of a ship, and the unconscious mind to the crew. The conscious mind gives the orders, and the unconscious mind follows them. The two need one another because if the crew were not to show up, the captain would not be able to take the ship to sea. Conversely, if the crew showed up and the captain didn’t, the crew would not know where to go or how to manage the journey. A captain can ask anything of the crew and they will comply. In the same way, you can ask anything of your unconscious mind, and it will comply.

We use everything stored in our unconscious mind throughout our life.

Supermarkets have back storerooms that are often four or five times larger than the store itself. It is where the shop owner stores large quantities of products for customers. Whatever the owner has stored in the back is what she is able to sell up front. If the merchandise in the back is out of date, customers will not find fresh food in the aisles of the supermarket.

Similarly, whatever we have stored in our unconscious mind is what is going to fill our lives. Like the supermarket owner who stocks the warehouse with products that customers want, we have to stock the storeroom of our unconscious mind with what we want in our lives.

Also, we have to refresh, or recondition, the contents from time to time. One way to refresh the contents of your mind is to go back to school and reinvent yourself. I went back to university at the age of fifty-nine to pursue a master’s degree. You can also read books or attend workshops, seminars, or retreats to give yourself new ways of perceiving life and other perspectives to consider. In the process, you will meet new people, have stimulating conversations, and find your thinking transformed and rejuvenated.

Having A Conscious Relationship With Your Unconscious Mind

I was once invited to appear on a television program to discuss my life and career. I was on set ten minutes before we were to go live, and I took advantage of the few minutes I had to quiet my mind and have a word with my unconscious mind.

I explained to my unconscious mind that we were about to go on television, and that the outcome would be beneficial for us and for what we could do for others. I used “us” instead of “me” because I was referring to the totality of myself, including my unconscious mind. I asked my unconscious mind to help. I wanted to do well.

Then the cameras rolled. Two interviewers asked me questions for about an hour, and I have no recollection of anything I said. My unconscious mind took over. I was in a state of flow and completely aligned with my unconscious mind. The interview was a success.

My unconscious mind protected me and made sure I did well. The unconscious mind has our well-being at heart, and I had prepared it by asking for assistance while I was on TV.

Our unconscious mind will work with us on any pursuit, especially when we embrace it and create rapport with it. By asking the unconscious mind for help, we enable its creative power to come forward, work with us, and assist us as a partner. We become one with it. Be open-minded and do not let any social conditioning or limiting beliefs get in the way.

There is no limit to the amount of information the unconscious mind can hold. Try this: what’s your best friend’s telephone number. Where was the number before you said it? Or, what did you do and who were you with last Christmas? Again, where was the information before you said it? It was stored in your unconscious mind.

Building A Relationship With The Unconscious Mind

In order for our unconscious mind to assist us in achieving our goals, we must give it precise instructions. If you want to weigh eighty kilos (176 pounds) by January 1, you have to give your unconscious mind the exact number of kilograms (pounds) you realistically wish to weigh and by which date. You cannot be vague. You need to be as specific as when you speak to a person.

Speak to your unconscious mind about your goal as if you have already achieved it. If you wish to weigh eighty kilos (176 pounds) by the January 1, you would say, “It is the first day of January and I weigh eighty kilos (176 pounds).”

Imagine you find yourself in San Francisco and want to travel to Paris, France. You go to a travel agent, and the first thing she asks is when you want to travel. Do you want to depart in the morning or evening? Do you wish to travel first-class or economy? Do you want a direct flight or prefer something less expensive with one or two stops? Do you need a hotel? If so, what class? Five-star or budget? Unless you give the travel agency specific instructions, how will they know what you want? It’s the same with your unconscious mind.

Here is another example: if you say that you would like to come into a bit of money, you may find a dollar bill lying on the pavement, but no more. If you want to earn $10,000, you have to state the amount. You have to visualise yourself earning $10,000 in order to instruct your unconscious mind. And if you want to earn the money legally, as I trust you do, then you have to specify that as well in your instructions to the unconscious mind. (Note: We use positive language when giving our unconscious mind instructions.)

It is important that your goal is achievable. If I set a goal of winning the next Wimbledon tennis tournament and have never played tennis in my life, I would be setting myself up for failure. When I do that, the worst thing that could happen is that the next time I give my unconscious mind instructions, it probably will not believe me and may sabotage my efforts. This, in turn, could lead to undermining my self-esteem and set in motion a downward spiral of potential failures.

The same thing happens in interpersonal relationships. The more unreliable I am, the less likely anyone will believe me or want to have anything to do with me. Therefore, when you say you are going to do something, do it! We have to treat our unconscious mind kindly, as we would a friend. If you show up grumpy at a meeting, who would want to work with you? You must encourage your unconscious mind like you would a colleague whom you want to motivate. Be inclusive, work as a team, and show gratitude like the ship captain who thanks his crew at the end of a journey.

The language we use with the unconscious mind makes a difference. We must use positive language because the unconscious cannot process negative language. When we say to someone, “Don’t think of a pink elephant,” the first thing that pops into the person’s mind is a pink elephant.

Our instructions to the unconscious mind have to be presented in the positive. If you tell yourself that you cannot remember people’s names, the next time you run into someone you haven’t seen in a while, your unconscious mind will confirm that you never remember names, and you will not be able to recall the person’s name. Instead, use an affirmation, such as, “I always remember names because I love people, and people feel good when I acknowledge them by remembering their names.”

When you tell a child not to be clumsy, the focus is on clumsy, and the child has a greater likelihood of fulfilling the negative instruction. Instead, tell the child that it is okay to drop something now and then, and that it also happens to you. Help the child receive positive and constructive feedback from the experience so that she learns from situations that go wrong instead of beating herself up. Calling a child clumsy is giving them a label to walk around with for the rest of their life. I cringe when I hear parents labelling their children as shy and announcing it to the world. The child might grow up being an introvert or not find it easy to engage with other people.

Trusting in our unconscious mind is important. The unconscious mind knows more than we think it does. We have all had experiences of synchronicity when, just as we were thinking about calling a friend we haven’t spoken to in a long time, the phone rings and the friend is on the line. The more recognition we give our unconscious mind, the more we’ll benefit from working in partnership with it.

Because the unconscious mind follows our instructions, we need to give it directions that serve us well. We need to think twice about letting advertising determine whether we think of ourselves as happy and successful or unhappy and failing based on what they say we should be buying.

Imagine you are walking down the street and you see a beautiful sports car entering a nearby parking space. The door opens, and out steps an eighteen-year-old driver. You wonder to yourself how a young person could drive such an expensive car. You judgmentally conclude that he either inherited the money, is into drugs, or is the son of a Mafioso.

Perhaps you, too, would like to own a sports car one day, but how could it be possible if you prepare your unconscious mind in such a negative way? When it comes time to think about buying a sports car, your unconscious mind will trip you up. Your internal voice will tell you that in order to own a car like that, you have to be a crook, sell drugs, or get the money from your family; otherwise, no one like you could possibly afford a car like that. You could have created a self-fulfilling prophesy. Smile at the world and the world will smile back at you from within yourself.

Acting As If

If we act like we are old, we will become old. If we act like an attractive person, people will find us attractive. When we act like we are successful, we will feel successful and be better able to align ourselves with success. If we act like we are resilient and healthy, we will want to engage in sports, go for a long walk every day, or have a session with our personal trainer. When we act as if, results will follow. Acting as if is another way of changing our social conditioning and reprograming our unconscious mind.

I have a friend who attributes everything that happens in his life to his increasing age. As a consequence, he puts on weight, walks unsteadily on his feet, and is aging rapidly. He has unconsciously programmed himself to become older than his years. He could have just as easily given his unconscious mind a different message and be enjoying life more fully.

Communicating With The Unconscious Mind

A good time to communicate with the unconscious mind is before going to sleep at night. Unlike the conscious mind, the unconscious mind is awake twenty-four hours a day. It heals our body, rejuvenates us whilst we sleep, and keeps our hearts pumping and our blood circulating. Show gratitude to your unconscious mind for looking after you. As part of a nightly ritual, you can ask your unconscious mind to help you prepare for the coming day. The popular expression “let me sleep on it” is, in essence, a way of providing instruction to the unconscious mind to help us work out solutions to issues we need to resolve.

Contemplations: Questions To Ask Yourself

As you contemplate the questions below, do not overthink the answer. Trust the first thing that comes into your mind. The unconscious mind is fast. It will give you the right answer immediately, even if it surprises you. The conscious mind, on the other hand, will want to take time to think about each answer.

You can use your conscious mind to critique the responses that your unconscious mind provides. I trust my unconscious mind because I know it is giving me facts that I may not be aware of or am avoiding. However, if what comes back from my unconscious mind is a negative message, such as I am not worthy, then I pay attention and deal with it. My logical, conscious mind knows that the message is untrue because every person is born whole and complete.

Something must have happened, probably when I was a child, which made my unconscious mind store the belief that I am not worthy. If I believe that to be true, even if it does not make sense, I have to change my belief or it will get in the way of my happiness and success. I begin by having a conversation with my unconscious mind, and then take massive action to succeed in life to show myself that I am worthy of success. At this stage, one may also need to consider seeing a life coach or a therapist. I believe everyone needs someone whom they trust to speak to whenever it is necessary.

Eight Questions To Ask Yourself

1. To what extent do you trust yourself?
2. To what extent would you say that you trust others?
3. Is there anything you are pretending not to know?
4. What do you want to create?
5. What do you want to learn and understand about your life?
6. What are you denying yourself?
7. Do you find yourself orchestrating your world so that you hear and see what you want?
8. What do you yearn for that you do not already have?

Learn more on how to create a conscious relationship with your unconscious mind in Kenneth Castiel’s new book, The Hero and the Villain Within: Your Key to an Extraordinary Life Through the Power of Purpose, Freedom and Abundance.