Don’t Let a DWI Set Your Life on Fire
The following is adapted from Consequences and Compassion by LaDonna Claude.
In an instant, your life can change. As it so happens, an instant is exactly how long it takes for a lot of people in our society to decide your life doesn’t hold value any longer. One and done: that is what they think about mistakes, especially mistakes like a DWI that can cause harm.
If you or someone you care about has been injured due to someone else’s DWI, I feel for you. I have read about and heard about so many of these cases. I am all too familiar with the pain and strife they can cause. It sometimes seems that hurt sticks with you for the rest of your life. No matter what you do, you can’t seem to shake off the weight of what has happened to you. As a result, you look for someone to blame. You lash out, understandably, at the person who was driving when they should not have been.
As difficult as it is to see the world from the driver’s perspective; as challenging as it may be to understand that mistakes happen and all we can do is pick up the pieces and move on; I am going to ask you to try to do that. Try to think about what life is like for the other person, for the one who was driving that day, for the one who caused you harm when you were only minding your own business.
Time and again, I have seen evidence of this truth: everybody is somebody. Each of us has something to offer in this world — even if that is only the beauty of our spirit that our Creator has endowed us.
Compassion comes naturally to us all. It is our birthright. All of our lives have meaning. We can all step up, when necessary, to do more than we ever thought possible in the past.
As a defensive driving instructor, I frequently meet people when they are at their low points. My number-one duty is to impart my knowledge to my students and to clear up any misconceptions they may hold about driving, drinking, drugs, and distraction. I also take on the role of motivational speaker, counselor, and evangelist. When one of my students needs to unload their burden and talk about what is going on for them, I feel a responsibility to listen to them. I make an effort to hear all they are trying to say, and I respond to them as kindly and helpfully as I can.
When I started working as a defensive driving instructor, I was not teaching any classes about DWI. However, DWI topics were always part of the curriculum. I spoke about those topics as a matter of overall safety. I took on the role and responsibility of teaching the DWI class itself when I realized I could provide real insight to people who were going through a tough time in their lives.
A year or two into my first DWI class, I started to write down the lessons I wanted to repeat for the class that came next. At first, there were only five or six items on this list of topics. Whenever my students and I talked about something new, I added to it, paying the most attention to topics that were causing my students the most problems.
In every one of these formative classes, the students would blurt things out, asking me to talk about various DWI subjects. Sometimes, the students guided the conversation themselves, telling me how they felt about one thing or another or explaining why something about the post-DWI process was perplexing for them. The list grew, little by little, and after seven or so years in front of my DWI classes, the list had reached one hundred items.
It was then that I thought I might be able to turn the list into something more, and my students encouraged me to do just that. Their reviews were always so positive and uplifting. In a system that seemed designed to push them back and hold them down, my classes were doing the opposite. I was able to point my students toward brighter days. When they sounded discouraged, I would tell them success stories. I would highlight a student whose situation had been even worse and who had nonetheless beaten the odds.
One of the first and most important things I want people to know is this: most wildfires aren’t started on purpose. Still, the responsibility rests with the person who struck the match, no matter their reason for doing it. Some fires, while alarming, might be manageable and stopped, but others are uncontrollable. Sometimes they rage on and on, try as you might to smother the flames. Soon, the fire leaps from your immediate area to everything around it, multiplying like a virus and engulfing everything around you.
It is at this point that people realize the wildfire presents a danger not only to them personally, but to everyone and everything around them too. The personal reason you chose to drive while impaired is suddenly and easily dwarfed by the destructive flames that now threaten your security and relationships with loved ones, your home, your career, your community, and more.
We all know, on some level, what happens when people fail to acknowledge the consequences of their actions. I have heard it all many times before. The regret sinks in until it pours out: “I’m sorry,” and “I didn’t mean to,” or “How is this happening?” “Why me?” None of that anguish means anything to the police officer who pulled you over, though. At that moment, there is a fire blazing around you already. It can feel surreal, like a scene from a movie. It’s lights, camera, action, and your only lines are the answers you manage to give when the officer asks how much you have had to drink and if you know how fast you were going.
When you walk the asphalt catwalk, there’s an invisible fire following your footsteps. Everything you say and do is recorded on paper and on film. It’ll be there for your big break when they add it all to the evidence pile at the local precinct. Were you high from prescription or nonprescription drugs? Did you have one drink or four? Were you answering your phone or gazing off at the sunset?
Think about that last question. As mentioned earlier, yes, the “D” in “DWI” can stand for distraction. If your distraction is severe enough, it can land you in trouble similar to what you would be facing for drinking or drugs. Billboards and advertisements are everywhere. Our phones are never too far from our hands, either. We know that we need to keep our eyes on the road, yet too often, we simply don’t.
As an experienced instructor and advocate for making informed, safe choices, I know it is my duty to talk to you about all of this. I have to start uncomfortable conversations like this one for the greater good. It isn’t because I don’t get it; I do get it. The sweet taste of wine, the temptation of an incoming text, and the relaxation of a springtime sunset. It is enough to overwhelm anyone, but each of those things are more similar to a lit match than most people realize. Fire can be hypnotic, and what happens next, as a consequence of creating those flames, is probably not worth the resulting inferno.
Sadly, many people refuse to consider the consequences until they are right in the middle of them. We have all done that at one time or another, ignoring our situation until it becomes unbearable and unavoidable. What you need to do, though, is refuse to carry on in that way. You need to tell yourself that you are going to be different.
That may seem tough, but I know you’re up to it. I have seen many others face themselves. No, we are not going to change the world, at least not overnight. We can change each of ourselves, however. You can decide that you are going to be different. If you recognize how important change is, then you can make it happen no matter how uncomfortable it is.
I want to open your eyes to your own life, to what makes it up, and what doesn’t. Self-pity and denial? No, those are not your life. Your life is a matter of what you choose and decide, how you walk from one day to the next, the situations that you embrace, and the ones that you avoid.
By the time an officer or a court gets involved, you have already set some part of your life on fire. You may be able to withstand the heat, even for a very long time, but there is an easier way to go about things. Strengthening your awareness right now, cutting down on the liquor, or coming up with a responsible consumption plan are all valid ways you can start stomping out the flames.
The truth is this: you cannot afford a DWI because no one can. Without ever meeting you, without ever learning a single thing about your finances, your background, your goals, or your aspirations, I can tell you that a DWI would change your life for the worse. Think about what you owe to yourself. You need to take charge in your life and make the right decisions, especially in risky situations, such as any situation where alcohol is involved.
Remember that on every container of alcohol, it says, “Consumption of alcoholic beverages impairs your ability to drive a car or operate machinery.” The bottlers put that warning there for a reason: they are protecting themselves. These companies understand the risks and dangers associated with consuming their product, and by warning you, the responsibility shifts from them to you. You need to be wise about all of this, and I can help you figure out how to do that.
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For more information on defensive driving, you can find Consequences and Compassion on Amazon.
LaDonna Claude is a wife, mother of four, and grandmother of four.
She is a certified defensive driving instructor with years of experience at Funny Bone Defensive Driving. She has helped countless students put their lives back together after their DWI. LaDonna is also a public speaker educating people on the dangers of the three D’s of DWIs: driving, drugs, and distraction.
