Focusing on What Engages You is the Only Way to a Fulfilled Life

The following is adapted from True Love and Suffering by Pavel Ythjall.

I had been close to death two times in one year — a car accident and a stroke. When you have been hit hard, you think a lot about why you are here, because you are in reality very close to the end.

It may be presumptuous to speak about, but isn’t this what we all want to know? Isn’t this what really haunts us all in our sleepless nights? Isn’t this what we wonder when we look at our husband, our children, our workplace, our money, our cars, our house? We wonder, “Is this it?” Is this the meaning of life? Aren’t we all rushing through our day, filling our days to not have to think about just that?

The meaning of life is what engulfs you, what makes you lose track of time, what puts a smile on your face, what you lose yourself in. It can be your girlfriend or wife. It can be work, if it’s a passion. It can be your pets. When your dog comes up and “paws you” and wants to play, licks you in the face, and barks of joy.

When your wife talks proudly about you to someone else. When you have fun with your friends and can be your absolute self with them. When you lose yourself in your film editing and the hours float by. When you run and experience the runner’s high. When you swim with your eyes closed and feel like you are floating in space. That is life. Whatever makes you be present, right here and right now, enjoying the moment, not dwelling on the past, not planning the future, when you are present with yourself and in sync with time. Because there really only is here and now.

What else are you looking for? What else do you think is out there? Eternal bliss? What does that mean to you? Is that your soul floating around in a weightless state in the skies? But will you really be happy? Isn’t the body tied to so much of what is you and what you know? Without your body, you won’t be able to see, feel, or touch. It will just be a dark consciousness floating around. I know you dream about meadows and a father figure in a white beard, but I beg you not to give up on this life to wait for the elusive afterlife. You may be missing out on one of life’s most precious gifts: life itself.

To be connected. To be part of a community, a family, a yoga class, a runners’ club, to interact, to feel, to talk, to have someone to call, or to just come over and hang. That is life.

I think most people misunderstand the word meaning in the phrase “the meaning of life.” They should consider their purpose and make sure their purpose includes a lot of responsibility. Through responsibility, you will find appreciation, self-worth, and respect, all while doing good for someone else. True meaning (purpose) is always doing something for others.

The meaning of life is also to find yourself, like I have. I hope you find yourself without going through the fires I did. Once you find yourself and you respect yourself, you can stand naked in the street with absolutely nothing and still be content and happy with no fear of death.

Heather, my yoga teacher, asked me about my thoughts on the subject. She had a client making more than a billion dollars in sales, and he had asked her, “Is this it?” as in, “Is this all life has to offer?” I had been there too. Before the accident, I was at one point making much more than I could spend. That’s when I started doing custom-built furniture, moved into a huge place, upgraded the car, etc.

I remember asking myself exactly the same thing, “Is this it?” The money did not fulfill me. In fact, I was lonelier than ever.

Now I know what was missing, I always knew. It was what I had been looking for since childhood — family, community, and deep connections with people. We are social animals, and we need each other to feel good. We need to feel we belong and that we are needed. Money has absolutely nothing to offer when it comes to this.

The one thing the accident gave me was just that. It gave me a family of friends and a community with deep connections. I have friends who will walk over fire for me now, and I will do the same for them.

If you are lonely right now, find your people. What are you interested in? Whatever it is, find out where you can meet people who share your interests. When you meet them, be courteous and give from yourself. Ask them about their lives and listen to them. If they ever ask you for a favor, just do it. Establish trust and show them you are a person of your word. That will give you a family, a community, and a happier life. Trust me on this.

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For more advice on finding your purpose, you can find True Love and Suffering on Amazon.

Pavel Ythjall is one of the top contemporary photographers for women in fitness in America. He came to the United States from Sweden to pursue the American dream. He was well on his way when tragedy struck.

Kat was a major in the US Air Force. An American born and raised in Belize, she was an avid fitness enthusiast, marathoner, and triathlete, earning pro status with the International Federation of Bodybuilding.

Today, Kat runs a family home command station for Pavel and their four Yorkies, managing her caregivers while taking online classes for a second master’s degree in psychology.