How a Beautiful LGBTQIA+ Family Taught Me to be Unapologetically Me
The following is adapted from Out of Space by Julio C. Roman.
After meeting my first boyfriend over the chatline, there was no going back for me. I had just turned eighteen, and it finally felt like my real life was beginning. I went to his house for the first time on the first night I met him, and I never really left.
There were already five other people living there in this two-bedroom apartment. They were all young Puerto Ricans, gay or trans, and all entertainers or working in the club scene. Together, they had built this family structure. I could see they all felt safe, were happy with this world, and content with the family unit they’d built around themselves.
It was something I realized I was desperate to have.
They Were Themselves, So I Could Be Too
There was Alex, otherwise known as Alexa Monroe, a drag performer; Maria, the mother figure, a beautiful and stunning transgender woman who was an amazingly talented nail artist; Junior, the father figure, a shortly built barber, hairstylist, and dressmaker; and David, the youngest, who was a line cook during the week and Frangelica Monroe on weekends. Finally, Aaron worked at a bank and played piano as a side gig at parties or bars. They all had unique, vibrant personalities and expressed themselves with a freedom and fearlessness I had never known.
Junior and Maria were the oldest members of the group. They worked and budgeted and always made sure the household did not go without. Alex and David were the younger members. So, when I came into the picture, I was the new guy that their gay uncle Aaron was dating.
After about two weeks of staying there, the whole family sat me down and invited me to stay. Maria and Junior went over the house rules, dos and don’ts, and how budgeting would work. They showed me how to live in a group where I didn’t have to consistently hide my behavior or expression, and I was finally accepted into my first LGBTQIA+ chosen family. Everybody took me under their wing. Each of them showed me what it was to be gay, free, and proud, and also what it meant to be your unique self. I’d never had that kind of fearlessness in my life before, and I was hungry for more of it.
Finding Myself Came With Turbulence
At this point, I was coming to full terms with my lifestyle and who I was, and it was a little chaotic. Every day I was doing this amazing work at the LGBTQIA+ center, and every night we visited Christopher Street in The Village.
I was never into the drugs that kept you chasing a high, like crack, dope, or crystal meth. Instead, I drank like a fish, smoked tons of pot, and popped ecstasy as part of the admission process at clubs.
I partied for maybe two or three years with pills, until a sudden increase in deaths scared me when several friends overdosed on other drugs. The deaths made taking drugs a little darker, but it was a darkness that my friends and I were still willing to dabble in.
Done Making Apologies
The drug and club scene can become a dangerous combination if left unchecked. I have personally witnessed friends lose it all because the partying outweighed everything they had worked so hard to achieve and create.
Looking back, as dangerous and risky as the party life was, it was also the most amazing time of my life. I was eighteen and really trying to find out who I was and who I was not. I was finding my voice.
I became comfortable with being unapologetically me within the spaces I created for myself. These spaces allowed me to explore myself openly and fearlessly, and without the freedom and love shown by my chosen family, I would never have been able to establish such a place.
For more advice on learning to be comfortable just as you are, you can find Out of Space on Amazon.
Julio C. Roman has dedicated over twenty-two years to creating LGBTQIA+ safe spaces. He has represented the LGBTQIA+ community on Capitol Hill, to the US State Department, to the World Monetary Fund, and to the United Nations. He continues to be featured in Insider NJ’s “Out 100: The LGBT Power List” for his leadership in community organizing and HIV/AIDS work.
Today, Julio Roman is the founder and Chief Executive Officer of OUT Agency, harnessing the power of storytelling, safe spaces, and content creation to Organize Unique Transformations. Learn more at outagency.org.
