How My Dream of Being an Ironman Changed My Addictive Lifestyle

The following is adapted from Shifting‌ ‌Gears‌ by Adam Hill.

I had resolved to do an Ironman, a resolution I made quite literally at the peak of unhealthiness. I couldn’t let myself sabotage my new goal. I knew research would be prudent so as not to risk my heart exploding out of my chest whilst jogging at a pace way above my capabilities just because I thought it was the pace I needed to run.

Fortunately, fate dealt me a hand (or rather an injured shoulder) that forced me to be patient and considerate about training for an Ironman, but boy, was it hard to stifle the urge to just get out and start training.

How could I ever expect to become Ironman-ready if I wasn’t able to actually do the three disciplines? What if all this motivation just melted away within the next six weeks of medically imposed laziness? Typical alcoholic thinking. We have no desire to do something until we physically can’t do it, and then it becomes our life’s obsession. Very funny, universe.

The Sugar Addiction is Real

Inherently, I think everyone knows the difference between good food and bad food. I knew that I needed to eat more vegetables and fruits and less candy bars. That became step one. I just started eating the obviously healthy stuff and avoided the obviously unhealthy stuff. “Reduce the complexity and simplify” became my new mantra. If it wasn’t simple, it wasn’t sustainable, and I needed sustainability to be successful.

While the approach seemed simple — eat more healthy natural foods and less processed junk food — it would be far from easy. Sadly, my bond with junk food was equally as strong as my bond with alcohol. At least now I had a reference point for breaking a bond with alcohol. Could I do the same with junk food?

The idea of adding healthy foods to my diet wasn’t much of a problem. It was the removal of the added sugar (sugar that doesn’t naturally occur within the food itself) and other processed foods with complex ingredients that became more difficult.

The obviously unhealthy stuff was hard enough to eliminate. Over a long period of time, I had created strong emotional attachments and obsessive habits around fast food, potato chips, candy, ice cream, cookies, and more. I was already struggling just to imagine life without these comfort foods. The not-so-obvious unhealthy foods only made it more difficult.

Breaking the Attachment

The seemingly simple action of removing unhealthy processed foods from my diet proved to be very difficult from an emotional standpoint. Much like alcohol prior to my recovery, junk food and poor dietary habits were anchored within my psyche and served as a coping mechanism, a comfort, and a source of immediate gratification. Much of the food that I discovered to be unhealthy elicited an overpowering sense of loss when I thought of eliminating them.

Breaking this emotional attachment to food required a change in psychology, not just restriction or abstinence. I couldn’t just go on a diet like so many people with uncompelling goals. I needed sustainability. I wanted this lifestyle to last. I wanted to qualify for the Ironman World Championship. That required a level of discipline above and beyond an empty resolution to just eat healthier.

Before I could develop a functional relationship with food, I first had to understand my emotional relationship so that I could effectively break the bond. What was it that drove me to obsessively and compulsively desire and eat junk food? I fixated so intensely on the “what” of my diet — the unhealthy versus the healthy foods — I had never really considered the “why.”

My Mind Was Set

When I dug deep enough into the reasons why I ate the way that I did, I realized that I simply wanted what everyone wants: to be happy and fulfilled. Yet, I didn’t have a compelling vision of what my long-term happiness looked like. It was just a weak notion in my mind that someday I would be happy.

Without that compelling vision for long-term happiness and fulfillment, the only option was to find a short-term solution. Food was an easy option because it provided immediate gratification. If I was feeling down, food was there to comfort me. If I was anxious, food was there. Bored? Food! Lonely? Food! The strong emotional attachment was formed.

But now I had a dream. I was going to be an Ironman and qualify for the world championship. It was a belief so strong that it became my compelling purpose to sever the emotional bond to food and form a strong functional bond. I also had sobriety, a point of reference so powerful it led me to believe I had the ability and discipline to achieve anything I set my mind to.

My mind was now set on eating a clean, functional diet.

For more advice on how to move beyond your addiction, you can find Shifting‌ ‌Gears‌ on Amazon.

Adam Hill is an elite amateur triathlete with multiple podium finishes and has earned the distinctions of USA Triathlon All-American and Ironman All World Athlete. He was featured in the NBC Sports series Ironman: Quest for Kona (2017), which chronicled his successful attempt to qualify for the Ironman World Championship. Today, Adam is a business executive, coach, speaker, and author. Through his triathlon platform, Extra Life Fitness, he provides coaching, guidance, and resources to triathletes of all levels.You’ll often find him speaking about personal transformation and overcoming anxiety at company events, on podcasts, and in other media — usually because they invited him.