I Heart My Amygdala — And Once You Know How to Handle Yours, You Will Too

The following is adapted from Don’t Feed the Elephants! by Sarah Noll Wilson.

Imagine getting an email from your boss that says only: “Hey, stop by my office when you get a chance. We need to have a quick chat.”

Does just reading that give you “the spins” a little?

I’m going to go ahead and assume that in that scenario, your first thought wouldn’t be that you were getting a raise or a promotion, right? The most common jump in that scenario is to Oh no, what did I do? followed by a mental scan of how you might have screwed up recently.

There is a specific part of the brain to thank for that sinking “Oh, crap,” feeling. It’s called the amygdala, and it’s my favorite because amygdala activity is one of the most significant clues to why we do what we do under stress.

The Amazing Amygdala

The amygdala, which sits at the base of your brain, plays a significant role in instantaneous shifts from calm to fearful. It’s powerful — it has to be. Why? Because the amygdala’s job is to save your life.

If you cross the street and a car is coming at you, your amygdala sparks a chain of reactions to get you to move the hell out of the way. However, the amygdala isn’t just scanning the environment for physical threats; it also responds to emotional threats and harm to the ego.

Unfortunately, our survival mechanisms haven’t caught up with the increase in physical safety that we’ve established. Our brains and bodies still react to threats with the same intensity as our ancestors experienced when they had to run from something that could eat them.

This is why we feel like we’re being chased by a bear when our boss sends a “We need to talk” email. The jolt we get from our body is a response to the possibility of a threat, and your amygdala isn’t all that interested in figuring out the difference between your boss and a snarling grizzly.

Amy G. Dala

Since your amygdala’s job is to spur you toward instant, lifesaving action, your first thoughts about that email from your boss will not be rational. Stirred-up feelings trigger cascading reactions.

Your imagination rockets to ideas of being fired. Your heart is racing, and your palms are sweaty. You feel fidgety and sick to your stomach. You have the sense these feelings are trying to tell you something important, even though all you know for sure is that your amygdala was triggered by an email.

Some amygdalae are more reactive than others. Still, we all have one, and it’s continually scanning for threats, ready to call our body into action the minute it perceives a threat. This means everyone you know has most likely also felt that primal panic feeling before. You are not alone.

Once I understood more about the amygdala and its incredible power, I had a friend design a T-shirt for me that reads, I HEART MY AMYGDALA. It’s an awesome shirt, but the positioning of the letters confused people. Whenever I wore it, someone would inevitably say, “That’s a great shirt. Who’s Amy G. Dala?”

Notice, Name, and Redirect Amy G’s Reactions

While working with a leadership team, I told them my shirt story as we discussed how being mindful of amygdala reactivity can improve relationships. One of the team members reported back a few months later to say that they decided to include Amy G. Dala on the participant list for senior meetings, as a reminder to be kind to everyone’s amygdalae.

It was a brilliant idea, but it’s not the only way to deal with amygdalae. In fact, the quickest way to spend some time with your Amy G. Dala or someone else’s is through feedback. One of the things I hear a lot is, “I wish people didn’t take feedback so personally. How do I give feedback so people don’t get defensive?”

Sometimes you can’t give feedback without triggering someone’s amygdala (or accept feedback without having yours triggered) because the reaction happens so quickly. But, your goal for feedback shouldn’t be to get rid of that initial reaction. Rather, it should be to maintain your awareness and help yourself and those around you gain their awareness so you can improve recovery time.

We cannot always stop the reaction. But we can notice, name, and redirect the reaction — and in so doing, we can embrace the power of Amy G. and show her some love.

For more advice on corporate communication, you can find Don’t Feed the Elephants! on Amazon.

Sarah Noll Wilson is an executive coach and leadership development consultant who’s been freeing elephants for fifteen years. Sarah works with leaders to develop more powerful partnerships and helps teams spot patterns that are keeping them from higher performance. An in-demand keynote speaker, Sarah leads workshops and team retreats for leaders and HR professionals. Previously, Sarah worked in management and as the talent development leader for an insurance company, giving her firsthand insight into the challenges of corporate leadership. She holds several coaching certifications and has a master’s in leadership development from Drake University.