Kindness and Compassion Are Vital for Living a Fulfilled Life
The following is adapted from The Unicorn in You by Joshua Kramer.
Roald Dahl, author of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, once wrote, “I think probably kindness is my number one attribute in a human being. I’ll put it before any of the things like courage, or bravery, or generosity, or anything else. Kindness — that simple word. To be kind — it covers everything, to my mind. If you’re kind, that’s it.”
A more contemporary angle, from a story that circulated on social media in 2020, illustrates why kindness comes first.
A professor gave a balloon to each of her students. She had each student inflate their balloon, write their name on it, and throw it out into the hallway. Once all of the balloons were scattered in the hall, she gave the students two minutes to find their own balloons. They rushed out into the hall and began to look, but despite a hectic search, the whole class couldn’t find their respective balloons in the time limit.
Finally, the professor said, “Okay, let’s try again, but this time, instead of looking for your own balloon, just grab whatever balloon you find, see whose name is written on it, and give it to that person.”
Once again, the students threw their balloons out into the hallway. Then they rushed out to collect them. This time, instead of each student looking for their own balloon, they grabbed the first one they came across, read the name written on it, and gave it to the correct person. In this way, everyone received their own balloon long before the time limit was up.
At the end, the professor told the students, “These balloons are like happiness. We will never find it if everyone is looking for their own. But if we care about other people’s happiness, we’ll find ours, too.”
That’s the power of kindness, and I believe that at the core of kindness is compassion. The formal definition of compassion is, “sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it.” In other words, compassion is a recognition, while kindness is the action that follows. The former provides the fuel that drives the latter.
In the context of our story, imagine a scenario where the students helped each other gather up the balloons without being instructed to do so by the professor. In that scenario, it would be simple acts of kindness driven by mutual empathy for one another.
You’ve probably heard the term “random acts of kindness.” It originated as a saying coined by a journalist named Anne Herbert back in 1982, which was in turn a play on the journalistic phrase “random acts of violence.” The original full saying was, “Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty.”
In truth, kindness is almost never random. Even though the recipients of our kind deeds might be unknown to us, possibly strangers during a chance encounter, acts of kindness are almost always intentional. Of course, although kindness is ideally something we actively choose, each act of kindness doesn’t need to be a conscious decision — they can be done instinctively and naturally.
To be clear, kindness is not just about acts; it’s about our essence and being. However, in order to make it a core principle in our lives, it’s important to reframe it in our minds so we see it as intentional, purposeful, and driven by compassion. We empathize with people when we are willing to put ourselves in their shoes and try to understand how they’re feeling, which promotes and perpetuates kind behavior toward them.
The Path of Kindness
So how does compassion-driven kindness lead to peace and joy?
1. Kindness Has Health Benefits
If there were ever a valid, personal reason to embrace kindness, it’s the health benefits that result from it. As mentioned in the Introduction, this book and the perspective shared in it are not the result of clinical studies, and my purpose isn’t to provide medical findings. However, there have been numerous studies by qualified medical professionals that reveal a link between kindness and decreased blood pressure and reduced stress levels. Also, according to the Mayo Clinic, “Kindness can increase your sense of connectivity with others, which can directly impact loneliness, improve low mood and enhance relationships in general.”
For many of us, our baseline of positive mental health fluctuates to a degree that can be unsettling at best and deeply painful at worst, but kindness provides a number of advantages to aid in our welfare that costs very little. Enhanced relationships alone can have an enormous impact on our psyche, reducing feelings of isolation and providing a foundation for improved well-being. Indeed, when you consider the physical and mental health benefits, it becomes clear that kindness may be the kindest thing you can do for yourself.
2. Kindness Provides Pleasure
Ironically, showing kindness to others can be self-serving because it gives us what we might call a helper’s high. You probably know this from experience. It simply makes us feel good to do something nice for someone else. As the old proverb says, “Kindness is its own reward.” Yes, it impacts the other person, possibly in a profound way, and sometimes, one small act of kindness at the right moment can change a person’s life. But we can do it for our own pleasure as well.
Supporting this idea, kindness has been shown to release dopamine, the chemical messengers of the brain that give us a feeling of euphoria and well-being. That leads to improved mood and has even been called “the body’s natural pain killer.”
As the article from the Mayo Clinic points out, “Kindness has been shown to increase self-esteem, empathy and compassion, and improve mood.” We not only feel better, but we feel better about ourselves. This is incredibly important, because so many people who struggle to find peace and joy are struggling with self-esteem. They simply don’t feel good about themselves, and this despair seeps into many other areas of their lives. Kindness becomes a plausible remedy for this sorrow.
3. Kindness Lightens Your Mind
As most of us know all too well, one reason we lack peace and joy is because we reside too much in our own minds. By focusing on kindness toward others, you get out of your own head and focus on others rather than solely on yourself. This helps you to feel lighter because you’re not constantly thinking about your own burdens, troubles, needs, or wants. Indeed, as the Mayo Clinic article recommends, “Looking for ways to show kindness can give you a focus activity, especially if you tend to be anxious or stressed in some social situations.”
This can be useful as a form of distraction, taking us from the worries that consume us to an altruism that gives us something else to ponder. Oftentimes, this interruption, however brief, gives us a reprieve and temporary relief from the weight of our ongoing thoughts. The struggles that consume us are put on hold, if only for a moment, and the resulting positive consequences of our kindness can help to alter our point of view when we return to our own concerns.
Of course, the high you feel from a single act of kindness doesn’t last forever. It’s something that needs to be repeated. When you make the “repetition of kindness” a central part of your lifestyle, you wind up spending much more time living in that happier and healthier place. It’s a bit like developing a muscle through repetitive exercise, which also requires dedication and commitment.
In the end, even though kindness is ideally shown with the best of intentions, we may find it easier to manifest it on a more consistent basis if we’re mindful of its benefits for ourselves.
For more advice on personal growth, you can find The Unicorn in You on Amazon.
Joshua Kramer is the creator of The Unicorn in You, a personal growth and development perspective that emphasizes five key principles as the foundation for peace and joy. He is the Managing Partner of Kramer Chandler, a real estate business founded in 1922, and an active member of Young Presidents’ Organization (YPO). When not pursuing his passion for traveling, he can be found walking around town with his beloved Havanese, Buddy.
