The Locker Room Method
The following is adapted from The Locker Room by Jen Arricale.
I am a girl, and it really shows when I am getting ready to go out.
I leave hairstyling tools, makeup, and clothes all over the place as I frantically rush to get out the door, on time, after at least one wardrobe change and two accessory adjustments. I will, of course, put everything away later. My husband, on the other hand, puts every single thing away as he goes.
Nothing is left out, ever.
He sprays cologne; he puts the bottle away in the medicine cabinet and closes it. He changes his mind about his shirt; he puts the original one away (on a hanger and everything).
Granted, he has fewer variables to work with than I do, but you can still appreciate the great difference in energy between these two approaches to getting ready. I am happy and frenetic; he is happy and precise. Now imagine these two energies getting ready in the same room at the same time, or even with just a small overlap. He sees chaos, and I see someone taking up valuable vanity space.
Enter the locker room.
What if, my husband suggested, I instead had my bathroom and closet to do whatever I wanted with and he had his own bathroom and closet? We live in a two-bedroom, two-bathroom apartment right now. He uses the guest bath and closet for his manscaping, daily routine, and his clothes, and I use our larger master bath and wardrobe for my routine and clothes. We meet in the living room and present ourselves at our best, just as if it were our first date.
This division is probably the single most important thing we did early on to keep things spicy. Not every detail needs sharing all the time. At first, I wondered what he devised this locker-room approach to hide — what didn’t he want me to see? I also wondered whether this method would cause me to feel pressured to be my best all the time in an unrealistic, unhealthy way. So I said I would try it out. How could I evaluate something I had never tried?
This strategy ended up being something I loved. We have carried it forward, and I don’t ever see myself stopping.
Sure, we share bathrooms and closets when we need to — hotels, smaller living spaces. But when given the choice, we use our own “locker rooms” to be who and how we are without pressure or imposition on the other person. We have some privacy to do the things we all do but don’t necessarily have to share all the time.
Being our best is not phony or hard work.
It’s what we would be striving for on our own, so why not bring that same A-game for each other? Just because we are married does not mean I am going to stop being the best version of myself I can be. Nor is he.
I love that when we meet people, they can get that we are in a happy and committed relationship. And yet it is OK (in fact, beneficial) that each of us is a desirable person to others. I want to be with a man who is desirable. What would it say about me if I didn’t?
Likewise, doesn’t your mate deserve to be with a vibrant, interesting, and attractive person? Be that person, but with loyalty and integrity.
You can learn more about how to create a wonderful, committed, and intimate relationship in The Locker Room on Amazon.
JEN ARRICALE is a healthy living expert who coaches entrepreneurs and executives to achieve greater success by focusing on their wellbeing. As a coach with CEO Coaching International, Jen facilitates “Healthy Business, Healthy Life” workshops around the world. Jen knows what it’s like to struggle in relationships. She took the time to work on herself, and today she’s married to the love of her life. Jen is accomplished in business — with twenty years of experience as a financial executive — and in athletic pursuits, having won bronze for the US in the Ms. Natural Olympia competition.
