The Myth of Perfection

The following is adapted from Life is a Squiggly Line by Fallon Ukpe.

We have three problems: first, perfection is unattainable; second, perfection is unfulfilling; and third, perfection is unnecessary. Let’s take a moment to break that all down.

Perfection Is Unattainable

Somehow, we have been programmed to believe that the line of life is a perfect trajectory up and to the right, but that just isn’t possible. Perfection is impossible. So, we are effectively in pursuit of something that simply does not exist, living our lives on a hamster wheel of sorts.

Unfortunately, that type of quest is typically driven from a place of fear, inadequacy, or both. The fear is often a fear of failure or a fear of what people will think if we do (or don’t do) something. That fear is also what drives us to settle for safe rather than go after something that we truly want. Inadequacy is often from feeling like we are not enough. That often manifests as a belief that we have to prove ourselves to others to be accepted, liked, respected, or loved. There can also be other causes for feelings of inadequacy. The short list I provided here just names some of the common ones.

Those negative feelings — fear and inadequacy — are usually buried deep down. They usually aren’t things we readily understand are driving our actions. So, you might be wondering where those feelings come from. Well, those feelings are typically the result of certain experiences that we encounter and subsequently, the perspectives that we adopt. Here’s what I mean: Somewhere along our own journey, we experienced something or were told something that triggered those feelings. And for many people, it happened several times, not just once. That repeated triggering sent signals and messages that stuck with us and altered our thought patterns. And those thoughts turned into beliefs that we adopted and now carry around with us.

It’s important to recognize that the beliefs that we developed as a result of negative experiences are learned. That’s not truly who we are, nor do I believe that those false beliefs should dictate how we live. It’s critical that we go back to the core of who we each are and strip away all of the external labels and judgments and beliefs — especially those that have led to a sense of fear and inadequacy. We need a hard reset to stop living our lives according to a set of false beliefs, and to stop chasing unattainable perfection.

Perfection Is Unfulfilling

Not only are we chasing something that we cannot achieve, but we are also often trading our happiness for it. Pursuing perfection means that we are on a path doing what looks good and what signals external achievement to the world; however, it isn’t likely to be a path that brings us true fulfillment and lasting joy. How does this show up in our lives? It often means that we are working in jobs that do not leverage our unique talents or align with our sense of meaning and purpose. As a result, we often don’t look forward to work, which is how we spend the majority of our waking hours each day as adults. Or maybe we do look forward to work for a period of time, but we get bored or frequently feel like we need to make a change. By pursuing perfection and doing what looks good, we wind up feeling drained and unfulfilled because we are chasing the wrong “why.”

What do I mean? The crux of the issue in the example that I described above is that the “why” behind what we do is about chasing perfection to help resolve fear and inadequacy. If we continue to do this, then we become unfulfilled. And that’s because we live constantly in pursuit of perfection (which we can’t actually attain), and we are doing things solely to avoid what scares us or to prove ourselves to other people. It’s only natural to feel empty when living life primarily for those reasons. But we have a choice: we can opt out of the hamster wheel and choose to live for a different “why” — one that is about meaning, purpose, and impact.

Perfection Is Unnecessary

Quite possibly the worst part of it all is that the pursuit of unattainable and unfulfilling perfection is actually unnecessary. Yet, many of us try to pursue perfection because we believe that it is a precursor to achievement, success, and wealth. And that couldn’t be further from the truth.

The most successful people and organizations are imperfect. They have failed. And they’ll tell you that the failures were typically the most important moments of their journey.

I challenge you to look up the history of any organization or biography of any individual that you would call “successful.” I guarantee that there will be things that they didn’t get right, if they are honest and transparent about their journey. And those people (talking about themselves or organizations that they were part of) will usually also tell you that they learned the most when they got it wrong. I know that certainly has been true for me.

Here’s the deal: it’s not important to get it 100 percent right. What is most important is to learn from the times that we don’t get it right and to decide that we will continue to grow and persevere through those imperfect moments. And many believe that to truly be successful, imperfection — not just getting it wrong but also the growth from acknowledging it and learning from it — is essential.

Can we agree that it’s time to choose a different way to do things? It’s time to stop living in the myth of perfection. It’s time to choose a life that is meaningful and fulfilling. It’s time to choose the squiggly line.

But just in case you still aren’t convinced, there’s more to why it’s time to end the quest for unattainable, unfulfilling, unnecessary perfection.

You can learn more about rejecting the myth of perfection in Life Is a Squiggly Line on Amazon.

FALLON UKPE, MD, MBA is a speaker, author, and entrepreneur whose mission is to live boldly and reach her highest potential while inspiring and teaching others to do the same. By doing that, she believes that we can all lead more fulfilling lives, achieve meaningful success, and create a lasting legacy of impact. Fallon knows a lot about managing life’s “squiggly line,” having navigated four distinct career paths and two professional degrees by her early thirties. She has been mentioned in the Financial Times and published in Shanghai Daily. Currently, Fallon lives in Atlanta, Georgia with her beagle, Riley. She enjoys volunteering with organizations focused on at-risk youth, education, and women in entrepreneurship.