The Secret Weapon to Being Charismatic
The following is adapted from Superbold by Fred Joyal.
What if some of the most successful people in the world possessed an easy-to-learn secret weapon? I bet you’re thinking it’s something highly technical or difficult to learn. Perhaps you’re thinking that an “ordinary” person like yourself isn’t capable of using the same techniques as these famous people. Well, the good news is that you’re wrong!
One of the things I urge you to develop — it’s a bit like a superpower — is the ability to make someone feel special. You will use it as you choose, not necessarily toward everyone, but you’ll be surprised how effective it is, and you’ll likely use it more often than you think. It is an amazing life skill. Anyone who people consider charismatic has mastered it.
Some people have refined this elevation to an extremely high degree. For example, years ago, I met former president Bill Clinton at a fundraiser, when he was running for president the first time. I marveled at his uncanny ability to focus completely on the person he was meeting. I watched him do it that evening over and over with almost two hundred people, one at a time. It was remarkable. When it was my turn, I felt like I was the only person in the room. I believe it was one of the major reasons he was elected.
How to Harness this Superpower
Believe it or not, this technique is something that you too can master, and it’s worth it!
After all, making someone feel like they are the only person in the room is not just a skill, it’s a superpower life skill. If you want to start practicing it, the steps are simple. Here’s what you need to do:
- Look at the person. And only them. At no point do you look away, especially beyond or around them to someone else. People can tell instantly when your eyes are focused on something besides them. You may notice that they sometimes turn to see what you are looking at instead of them.
- Actively listen. Focus completely on being interested in what they are saying, and only that. If you are thinking about what you want to say next, they can tell.
- Stay focused on them. Don’t let your attention wander. Stay completely focused on them to the end of the interaction.
- End well. When you do finally decide to break away, don’t look away first and then say some equivalent of, “Well, I’ve got to be going now.” Look straight at them and say something like, “It was great to meet you. I’m going to remember what you said about global warming, Stan. I’ve got a few other people to meet.” Shake hands, squeeze their shoulder, or hug them if you’re a hugger. Then look away as you move away, not before.
- Remember them. The next time you see them, remember their name and some detail about them. You’ll blow their mind.
Think of it by the acronym LASER: Look at them. Actively listen. Stay focused. End well. Remember them.
Putting LASER into Practice
To give you more detail, let’s break down an example interaction:
- “It was great to meet you.” That communicated that you were at the wrap-up.
- “I enjoyed listening to your thoughts on global warming.” You showed them you were listening.
- “Stan.” You remembered their name.
- “I’ve got a few other people to meet.” That’s your gracious exit line.
If you can maintain total focus on the person, you will be astounded at how people will respond. You will not have to do it for long. It works within minutes.
The LASER Technique is a master move in superboldness. Learn it, and you will elevate your interactions with strangers, friends, acquaintances and more.
For more advice on developing charisma, you can find Superbold on Amazon.
Fred Joyal is an author, speaker, entrepreneur, and business advisor. Along with a lucrative career in advertising and marketing, he co-founded the most successful dentist referral service in the country, 1–800-DENTIST. He has written two books on marketing, dabbled in stand-up and improv comedy, acted in bad movies and excellent TV commercials, and visited over forty-four countries around the world. He has an honorary Doctor of Arts degree from the University of Rhode Island, perhaps because of his generous donations. He once beat Sir Richard Branson in chess and was also a question on Jeopardy!. He is an avid cyclist, a below-average tennis player, and an even worse golfer.
