What does it look like to exercise trust?

The following is adapted from Strength of Seduction by Micah Morgan
Daniel DiPiazza.

The Exercises for Trust

Keep in mind this is a ninety-day program of exploring each value over ten days. How you do that is up to you. You can do one exercise a day and repeat in a cycle three times and then rest and reflect on the tenth day. You could do a physical exercise every day and pair it with either an emotional or spiritual one. Or you can invent your own sequence of events. The important thing is that you make sure you do all three of the exercises at least once during the ten days.

Emotional Exercise

Remember, these practices are meant to make sure both partners feel safe, supported, and heard. As with all practices in this book, this one should take place in a judgment-free zone. That means you are not to engage in a discussion about whether someone is right or wrong or smart or stupid or whether something is good, bad, or indifferent. Now is not the time to be critical or encouraging. Your goals for this exercise are twofold: to understand and be understood. That is all. This is a practice where one person is to speak with the intention of completely answering the question, and the other person is to listen with the intention of understanding. There is nothing else for you to do.

Because these exercises can easily make a person feel vulnerable or fear repercussions, prior to engaging in them, it may be a good idea to assure each other you are only trying to hear and understand. That there will be no revenge, condemnation, scolding, or any other negative feedback. Obviously, then you must honor that commitment to each other and never violate it.

If it’s helpful, there is a complete discussion on dyadic communication in appendix B. It provides more details on how the practice is performed and offers some advice for both partners to ensure you get the best results from asking and answering these questions.

Communication Practice for Trust

Be sure to find a time and space to do this practice where distractions will be minimal. Cell phones should be put on do-not-disturb mode, and there should be no television or music playing in the background.

Step 1: Decide who will be the first to ask a question (Listening Partner) and who will be the first to answer it (Speaking Partner). Then choose a question from the list below.

Step 2: Sit facing each other. Take a few minutes to breathe in a relaxed manner while looking into each other’s eyes and getting comfortable in the setting.

Step 3: When both people are ready, the Listening Partner will ask the question or state the prompt.

Step 4: The Speaking Partner will reply and speak long enough to fully express his answer. The Listening Partner will remain quiet, attentively listening and trying to understand. If the Speaking Partner should pause or finish a thought and the Listening Partner does not quite understand what is being said, she may say, “Please clarify.” If at any point the Listening Partner cannot quite hear the Speaking Partner, she may gently say, “Please repeat a little louder.”

Step 5: When the Speaking Partner finishes — that is, when he has answered the question as completely as he can — the Listening Partner will say only “thank you for telling me that.”

Step 6: The roles reverse: the Speaking Partner becomes the Listening Partner and vice versa, and the process is repeated.

Again, the point is not to open a discussion. Nor is it to find a way to change the other person or fix him or her. It is to understand and be heard.

The questions and prompts to use for trust are

• Talk to me about something that you hold back from discussing with other people.
• Tell me about something you think I should know about you that you’ve never shared with me before.
• Describe your relationship with money.

As you can see, dyadic communication can get pretty deep. It requires you to say and reveal things about yourself that otherwise you never would have said to anybody. These questions were chosen for the trust value because by answering them, you are showing your partner that you trust them enough to expose your fears and insecurities. One of you — most likely both — may feel a little raw afterward. You may also feel the experience was a bit cathartic. Regardless of how you feel, hug your partner to reconnect physically and remind each other of your love.

For more advice on how to create a deeper connection with you partner you can find Strength of Seduction on Amazon.

Micah Morgan is a personal trainer and the owner of the award-winning gym MMFitness. A former Division I football athlete, Micah has a master’s degree in business entrepreneurship and applied tech and a BS in interpersonal communications. He is a father to two sons and lives in Tampa, Florida.

Daniel DiPiazza is a serial entrepreneur, philosopher, martial artist, and husband. He is the author of Rich20Something, the highly acclaimed book that helps millennials find their passion and create wealth on their terms. Featured in Forbes, Inc., Entrepreneur, and Foundr, Daniel’s unique take on life and business keeps people coming back for more. He lives in Portland, Oregon.