Why Increasing Helpful Behaviors in Your Team Will Decrease Unhelpful Ones
The following is adapted from Person to Person by Joeri Torfs and Pim Ampe.
Imagine that one group member consistently shows up late to the group’s meetings. A different colleague often “goes dark” and won’t respond to emails or texts when she’s in a bad mood. Another group member tends to have a short fuse and sometimes yells at other teammates. These would be examples of unhelpful behaviors: any behavior that threatens productive and healthy collaboration.
In contrast, helpful behavior aids the collaborative process. Sometimes increasing helpful behavior will require intentional effort, like if one group member makes great contributions whenever she’s asked but tends not to share unless prompted.
People are complex beings, and every collaborating group will find their own unique set of challenges and giftings represented by their group members. In order for collaboration to thrive, each member must commit to increase their helpful behaviors and decrease their unhelpful behaviors. The chronically late person could commit to improving their punctuality. The colleague who goes dark needs to commit to responding, even briefly, when others reach out to her. The hothead could commit to learning strategies for self-control. The quiet group member could make a point to contribute her ideas more often.
The Importance of Commitment Sessions
These discussions and commitments occur during Commitment Sessions. During Commitment Sessions, group members embrace their responsibility to voice their own challenges and to explore how to overcome them. They also are able to consult their colleagues for expertise so they can learn from one another. No one is expected to be perfect, but there should be transparency about what’s working and what’s not working and a collective effort to constantly strengthen your own contribution toward enabling sustainable collaboration.
For the sake of consistency and helping people stay motivated, consequences may be in order when people commit unhelpful behaviors. Professor Paul Atkins notes, “Research shows trust increases in groups when graduated sanctioning occurs for unhelpful behaviors…Effective groups have in place responses to transgressions ranging from open, compassionate conversation to find out what happened, to sanctions or even, ultimately, exclusion from the group.”
Although we agree with Atkins that unhelpful behaviors need to be addressed, we differ with him on the right way to do that. Sanctions and exclusion from the group can easily be viewed as power plays, which have no place in a Person to Person environment.
Celebrating Helpful Behaviors, Working on Unhelpful Ones
Commitment Sessions are a safe place to work on unhelpful behaviors. As long as people are willing to participate in those sessions — actively reflect, participate, and share — the collaboration can continue and obstacles can be overcome. But if a group member repeatedly doesn’t show up to Commitment Sessions to engage in communication with the team, they effectively remove themselves from the collaboration. In that case, that’s a choice they make, not one that’s imposed upon them.
Still, we agree with Atkins on the goal of any form of accountability: to always move toward productive change: “How can we (you) do things differently next time?” It’s important not to ignore unhelpful behaviors because that will demoralize other team members and erode the group’s trust.
At the same time, helpful behaviors should be explicitly celebrated and encouraged. These affirmations not only spotlight and encourage behaviors that will aid the rest of the group; they also validate a person’s hard work. This can occur via a formal way of recognition or through more organic expressions of thanks. Affirmation could also come via development opportunities or an increase in earnings. When looking to show gratitude to someone, consider that person’s unique values and personality. Someone may appreciate a privately given gift, whereas someone else may feel most affirmed with a public shout-out. In any case, the praise communicated should be genuine.
For more ideas on how to encourage helpful behaviors in your workplace, you can find Person to Person on Amazon.
Joeri Torfs has spent his career as an entrepreneur, software developer, and IT enterprise architect, building structure from chaos and regularly challenging the status quo. He is driven by knowledge and learning and advocates freedom, self-agency, and sustainable collaboration.
Pim Ampe is a therapist with extensive experience in the mental health and welfare sector. She works in a variety of therapeutic positions, specializing in Dialectical behavioral therapy and solution focused therapy, as well as serving as a prosocial facilitator. Pim’s life purpose is to help people increase their quality of life by expanding their ability to adapt and self-manage in the face of life’s challenges.
