Why You Need to Ditch the American Dream and Create Your Own
The following is adapted from Against the Grain by Craig A. Perkins.
My daughter stood on the edge of the hotel’s indoor swimming pool. She had slowly inched her way down the coping to the deep end of the pool. Brenna had her rainbow-colored swim goggles on and was gently rocking back and forth, looking down into the water. My wife could hear Brenna say something to herself and asked, “What are you saying?”
Brenna looked up at Stephanie through her fog-filled goggles and said, “Come on, Brenna, don’t be such a pussy.” My wife gasped as my daughter looked back down at the water and jumped! You can’t be a pussy if you hope to live an Authentic Life.
After my wife labeled me Father of the Year, I apologized to Brenna (while laughing inside) and explained that “pussy” wasn’t a word she should speak in public. But deep within my soul, I knew I was doing my job as her father. I imagined what her life might become had we never taught her the value of taking calculated risks. Brenna had been overcome by her fear of swimming, sitting in a chair by the side of the pool, watching her friends have a blast. Her confidence eroded at such a young age and impacted other areas of her life. I was ecstatic. Brenna had jumped all on her own.
It happens to us as adults. We get trapped in Society’s Box because the risk of change seems too great, so we miss out on all the fun that comes with living an Authentic Life. Please, don’t let this happen to you. If you find yourself standing on the edge of the pool and cannot jump, I challenge you to look at this obstacle from a different perspective. Instead of viewing the act of jumping as the difficult part of the problem, ask yourself this question: “What’s the risk of staying on the safe Path and never finding my Freedom?”
What’s the risk of staying in a job you aren’t even interested in because the pay is good and you fit in with everyone else? Of working long hours and spending massive amounts of time away from your family so you can finally get the words “vice president” printed on your business card? Of spending way too much money on a house trying to impress people you don’t even know?
The risk is waking up 30 years in the future and realizing the only thing that brought any fulfillment to your life was getting your golf handicap into the single digits! It’s the knowledge that if you keep your head down and do what the guy in the corner office tells you, your reward will be a shiny new pair of “golden handcuffs” getting slapped on your wrists as you near your retirement! Have you ever asked yourself why Corporate America uses handcuffs to keep their best performers on the payroll as they near retirement? Aren’t handcuffs used to keep people in prison?
Life is short. Living your life with authenticity and finding the Freedom to do the things you are passionate about is always worth the risk. Everyone dreams about living such a life. Everyone says they are working on their plan to get there. But most never jump into the deep end of the pool.
Instead, they fall in line with the rest of the herd, addicted to the comfort of Society’s Path, pointing to the size of their annual salary and the weeks of vacation they have earned as justification for believing the lies.
I know. I started down that Path.
I was addicted to Society’s lies during my climb up the corporate ladder. I loved what I was doing. I was obsessed with changing the culture within that old unionized plant, but the job ended up owning my life. I ignored girlfriends, family, and friends on my climb. I even ignored my health. I was obsessed with becoming the plant manager so I could run things my way. But there is no such thing as “running things my way” within Corporate America’s walls. It did feel good getting promoted regularly and having the extra money to purchase nicer cars and a new house on the right side of town. From Society’s point of view, everything was going my way.
But the farther down Society’s Path I traveled, the more disillusioned I became. I realized early in my career that my Vision of success had very little in common with Society’s view. Most people never see the shackles Society has clamped on their ankles. Going Against the Grain requires you to break the shackles any way you can. The earlier in life, the better. The longer you wait, the stronger the chains become. Please take my word for it. You will never feel ready to follow your own Path. You just have to jump into the deep end of the pool and trust the fact that if you’re following your Purpose and are willing to put work before pleasure, you will eventually find your Freedom. But first, let’s crush the most common excuse people have for staying in Society’s Box:
“I don’t have the time.”
Most of us have somewhere close to 40 hours per week to commit to making a significant change in our lives! Not having enough time is never an acceptable excuse for not living an Authentic Life.
Start the task of building your three-legged stool. Without it, you’ll never reach the key to unlock the door that leads to your Authentic Life. Leg 1 is your Vision of Freedom. You need to have a clear Vision of what Freedom means to you; it’s the foundation upon which you will build your new life. Leg 2 is your Purpose. Think long and hard about what gives you goose bumps in life. Develop your Why Statement and uncover your Purpose. Finally, Leg 3 is the people your Purpose will serve. Understand if your Purpose doesn’t hinge on helping others succeed, you don’t have a Purpose. Instead, you have a goal, and there’s a hell of a big difference between the two.
When your goal centers on getting everything you want in life, you may reach it, but end up empty in the process. Understand that bigger and nicer homes, more expensive vehicles, and the increased social status obtained as you climb the corporate ladder don’t result in more Freedom; they strengthen the chains that keep you a prisoner within Society’s Box. Such desires stem from ego, and ego is the enemy of Freedom. As David Brooks so perfectly states in his book The Second Mountain, Freedom and Purpose come from community and passion, not self-identity and ego.
Step up on your stool and find the key hidden above your unique door. Finally, you are ready to start on the Path called Against the Grain. It’s time to face your fears. By its very nature, taking the Path called Against the Grain puts you face-to-face with fear. Fear of judgment from those still on Society’s Path, fear of failure, and even fear of success.
I am sure of one thing. You’ll never take the first and most difficult step on the Path called Against the Grain until you realize that fear is just another form of excitement. You’re feeling the same butterflies in your stomach that you always felt when it was time to play your soccer game or ask that boy or girl in your class to go on a date. You’re not scared; you’re excited!
You’ve established a monthly budget, and you’re tracking your weekly spending. You’ve reduced any fixed expenses to a minimum and cut way back on discretionary spending. You understand the most fundamental rule of all: if you spend more than you make, you’ll never find Freedom.
Freedom comes from keeping things small and simple. Constantly striving for more keeps you chained in Society’s Box. “Enough” is the word that will help set you free. You are starting small and focusing on opening the best business you can, making it perform as well as it possibly can before considering doing more. You’ve told the people closest to you of your decision to follow your authentic Path. You are no longer in bondage to the opinions of others. You’re deaf to the nay-sayers, those too afraid to leap into the deep end of the pool. You understand your circle of friends will shrink down to the handful of people that genuinely support you.
Your Path will be incredibly difficult and require a tremendous amount of work. Going Against the Grain requires the discipline to ignore the comforts of life and do the work necessary to follow your Purpose. You’ve built the confidence to know you are capable of persevering when times get tough. You’ve filled your cookie jar to the brim.
You understand that Freedom comes from owning a business and creating a community of like-minded people who believe in your Purpose. When you focus on improving your customers’ lives and your employees’ lives, your life improves drastically. Your Freedom comes from having employees that embrace your Vision and treat your business like their own. You embrace the concept of servant leadership and the belief that “It’s all about them.”
You understand that once you decide to jump into the deep end of the pool, the only short-term goal is to feed your business until it can feed you back. That business can range from writing a book, starting a podcast, opening a gym, purchasing a franchise, or hanging out your shingle as a consultant. In the beginning, you will be grossly underpaid. But if you refuse to give up and commit to putting in the work, you’ll enjoy a life filled with personal Freedom and the autonomy to live each day according to your plan, and no one else’s.
Think hard about what your life will look like five to 10 years down the road. You can stay on the comfortable Path, live a lackluster life, and never put in the hard work required to figure out who you are.
Or…
You can start a business you are obsessed with and enjoy the process of getting a little bit better at serving your customers day after day. Your goal isn’t to become a multimillionaire next year; you are happy living within your means and doing things that bring joy to your life. Financial success will come over time by doing the little things correctly, day after day, year after year. Your goal is the autonomy you’ll create with outstanding employees and excellent operating systems.
This combination will give you the flexibility to spend more time with your family while creating a tight circle of like-minded friends outside of work who share the same passions you have.
Stop imagining this life. Say yes to being you and living an Authentic Life!
Break out of Society’s Box. Just because your parents, your teachers, and most of your friends told you it was necessary to go to college and climb the corporate ladder doesn’t mean you need to stay stuck in an unfulfilling career for the rest of your life. The life most of us strive to obtain isn’t that great of a life. When we were young and full of wonder and hope, did we truly believe that success in life would look anything like this?
Go live your life. Figure out what truly drives you, and figure out how to help others experience your gift, whatever that may be. And remember the most important lesson in this book:
The function of Freedom is to free someone else!
To learn more about finding your purpose, you can find Against the Grain on Amazon.
Craig A. Perkins is a husband, father, and accomplished business leader. A former senior-level manager in a Fortune 500 company and a long-time private business owner, Craig grew up following “Society’s rules” only to find himself mired in the embalming fluid of Corporate America.
Against the Grain details his struggle to break free and live authentically, starting a business to support his Purpose while giving him the time he craved to enjoy life with the people he loves. Today, Craig uses his experience to help others kick down their own walls and create lives filled with Freedom.
