Why Are You Going Grey?
Do you really want your house to look like a prison cell?
Grey. Gray. Spell it however you like, but either way, it’s a disaster.
As a colour per se, there’s nothing inherently wrong with it. Elephants look good in it, as do squirrels, mice and koalas. You might own a grey, pin-striped jacket, cashmere sweater or wool coat; smart and elegant. Grey can be attractive in the right place, even on your head!
But there’s a wrong place.
On your walls.
Honestly, what’s going on?
I’ve watched umpteen house-renovation programmes over the past couple of years, and the go-to colour for walls is grey. Not even a soft dove-grey, which might be okay — we’re talking dark-as-hell charcoal-pit-bottom.
There does seem to be a trend towards darker colours at the moment. This is directly at odds with the houses architects are designing — huge glass windows everywhere and skylights. I could understand it if the owners of such buildings used an odd dark colour or two. They have plenty of light coming in.
But no — people living in small terraced houses or tiny flats choose dark colours — and the top choice is grey.
Do you want to live in a dungeon, folks?
Because that’s what it looks like. How can anyone tolerate the idea of leaving a bright sunny day, pushing open your front door and stepping into a gloomy grey corridor? It goes against all human instincts.
Not only that, it looks hideous.
For a while now, we’ve been able to choose any colour for a bathroom suite — as long as it’s white. I happen to think that white is okay if a bit stark. But what’s so terrible about a colourful bathroom? I’m not talking avocado or brown — I’m thinking softer colours like gentle peach or champagne. But it seems that the powers-that-be have decreed it’s white or nothing.
Has the Decorating Illuminati made a similar rule about painting walls grey?
Of all the colours you could choose to decorate the inside of your house — and you go and pick the colour of a rainy day full of dismal clouds. It’s well-known that in winter, the lack of light can cause SAD — Seasonal Affective Disorder. You can buy daylight lamps to counteract the effects.
Yet you decide to paint your house the darkest, dullest colour there is?
Why, people? What process is going on inside your heads?
On a parallel theme — what’s all this fascination with concrete? Now, I’ll admit, a polished concrete floor looks pretty good. I’ve no problem with that. But walls? Of concrete? Inside your house.
Call me old-fashioned, but at one time, weren’t people thrown into dungeons as punishment?
I thought it was only Klingons who shunned comfort as un-warrior-like, but apparently not. It’s fashionable now to admire the impressions formed by the wood casings used to create rough concrete walls. It’s not called Brutalism for nothing. So why, in the name of heaven, would anyone choose such a dismal form of décor?
Last night I watched yet another grey house. Not only did the owners paint the walls and woodwork in it, but they also covered the front façade in heavy charcoal. A black hole couldn’t have done a better job. But, unfortunately, it sucked away all the light, and the resulting intense darkness made the windows look like the pits of hell.
I really don’t know what’s going on. All I can surmise is that in some colossal warehouse out on a draughty moor, there are millions and millions of tins of grey paint that need shifting.
I have to congratulate the advertising genius who has succeeded in persuading people that this miserable colour is fashionable and attractive.
Perhaps they could take on the task of persuading people to believe that wasps make cute pets, garlic is a good breath freshener, and a mix of oil and vinegar is an effective sunscreen. (That last option isn’t imaginary; my mother-in-law used to smear it on her skin before sitting out in the sun! Talk about pickling yourself.)
As for the next colour to be in vogue, could it be pond-scum green? Or is there a hoard somewhere of twenty million tins of poo-brown paint?
