Here’s Why You Should Always Eat Candy in the Car
If you’re a hypochondriac, better not read this one
On Saturday, my sister called to let me know my brother-in-law had a seizure. He has never had a seizure before, so to say this was unexpected is a bit of an understatement.
He and his brother Matt were on their way home from work. They own a tattoo parlor, and that day they had done a fundraiser for the Humane Society. Matt was driving — thank God. He looked over, and Ralphie was having a seizure. After the seizure ended, Matt said something about it (my guess is that whatever he said contained many expletives). Ralphie didn’t know what he was talking about. He had no idea the seizure had happened. As far as he knew, he was just riding home in his brother’s car.
Matt drove him straight to the hospital. Ralphie was able to walk into the emergency room — where he found out he had a broken back. They airlifted him to Evansville, Indiana.
After extensive imaging — including his brain — and an EEG, here’s what they found: his back was broken in four places, but the breaks didn’t warrant surgery. He’ll be in a back brace for the next couple of months. They couldn’t find a cause for the seizure.
The doctor’s theory is that it was a “vasovagal” event. He thinks Ralphie’s blood sugar or blood pressure dropped — he has been having some blood sugar issues — and, had he not been strapped into a car, he would have simply fainted, and his body would have fixed itself. But since he was strapped into a seat, his body “rebooted,” and instead of fainting, he had a seizure. And just in case you needed something else in life to worry about, the doctor said it could happen to anyone.
Anyway, being strapped into a seat while having a seizure also caused him to break his back in four places. You know how they tell you not to restrain someone who’s having a seizure? I guess this is why. I can’t tell you how many times in the last twenty-seven years I’ve had to bully Ralphie into fastening his seat belt. Now there’s no way he’ll ever fasten it again.
Right now, he and my sister are at his mom’s house. They can’t come home until we get a recliner for Ralphie — there’s nowhere in their house for him to comfortably (or safely) sit. So today, my boss and I are skipping out of work early to go furniture shopping. The chair needs to recline at least 160 degrees. It also needs to be lightweight enough for my sister and I (or my boss and I) to get it up the stairs and into my sister’s house.
I must confess that I’m not buying him a chair to be nice. I’ve been watching their dogs for eight days now — and the dogs must sense that something happened because they’ve been horrible. Absolutely bonkers. Delilah the Dalmatian has eaten two potholders, a red bandanna, two flower pots, and a chair. Chompers — who weighs at least 80 pounds — has discovered how to get up on the dining room table. He has also peed and pooped in all kinds of new and exciting places. They need their humans to come home. Heck, I need their humans to come home.
